Sister

[Matt.K]

My sister is 5 years older than I am and has intense negative opinions about gay people, much more than my parents. For a modern, white, upper-middle class, atheistic, apolitical, 21st century family, we have pretty bad attitudes towards LGBTQ+ people (well excluding me) but none more than my sister, who has told me: a man and a woman can only have a relationship, she would disprove of a gay son/daughter because “it’s a choice”, she thinks pride is gross, and hates men who are more feminine than masculine.

I confidently say I’m much more intelligent than her (and both my parents) when it comes to understanding people’s differences but the fear of rejection because of my own differences scares me, especially as I’m pretty socially unpopular (oh yeah I was also outed in school).

I’m combatting this depression for over a year and it’s getting worse by each day. I feel almost desperate to just get it out the way but I know that will not be possible - my sister has no idea how much getting outed took a toll on me, and from everything I know about her she wouldn’t care spreading it beyond ourselves.

I still love her but I’m not prepared to risk losing her, and my parents. ;-;

[Jayla]

Hey Matt.k, 

First I want to see thank you for sharing this with us I know it can be really hard to share things like this and I also wanted to say welcome to Ditch the label, we here for you no matter what and if there are private these you would like to talk to staff with privately you can send them a message or go to the Confidential Support. 

Secondly, the fact that you have recognized the problem is great but im sorry this is something like this and i know being apart of the LGBTQIA+ community I know how hard it can be but the fact that you are willing to still turn to have a relationship with your parents and sister is a big thing and not only that you got outed and i know a lot of people can feel your pain which no one should be forced to come out about anything much less a person’s sexuality. 

 

Third, Why do you think you and your family have such a bad view on LGBTQIA+? I think people how doesn’t understand the community think that it’s a choice but it’s the oppose because you can’t choice something that you were born into like me for example im bisexual but because of where i grow up, my family, my school, and my friends; im a mestizo i was born in Brooklyn, New York but I live in a small town in Nebraska since 5th grade so it made me feel like i could come out and i kinda pushed my feelings for girls out my mind until i got to high school and i came out to some of my friends and teachers the made me feel good about myself but i came to understand not everyone felt the same way about my sexuality so what im trying to say is talk to your sister about how being outed really hurt you. 

 

 

[Monsoon]

On 2/19/2023 at 3:58 AM, Matt.K said:

My sister is 5 years older than I am and has intense negative opinions about gay people, much more than my parents. For a modern, white, upper-middle class, atheistic, apolitical, 21st century family, we have pretty bad attitudes towards LGBTQ+ people (well excluding me) but none more than my sister, who has told me: a man and a woman can only have a relationship, she would disprove of a gay son/daughter because “it’s a choice”, she thinks pride is gross, and hates men who are more feminine than masculine.

I confidently say I’m much more intelligent than her (and both my parents) when it comes to understanding people’s differences but the fear of rejection because of my own differences scares me, especially as I’m pretty socially unpopular (oh yeah I was also outed in school).

I’m combatting this depression for over a year and it’s getting worse by each day. I feel almost desperate to just get it out the way but I know that will not be possible - my sister has no idea how much getting outed took a toll on me, and from everything I know about her she wouldn’t care spreading it beyond ourselves.

I still love her but I’m not prepared to risk losing her, and my parents. ;-;

Hey there,

Thank you for being so open with us about your fears and concerns. It sounds like this has really been weighing you down which is totally understandable. To be outed is such a violation and this would take a toll on anyone. Also, to then face negative opinions from your family must make it tricker for you. I can really sense how much this is getting to you, and I just want you to know that we are here for you and you're not alone. I'm wondering, how have you been coping with all of this? It sounds like it has been pretty intense for you. 

[Matt.K]

On 2/19/2023 at 5:46 AM, La_Bonita_Chica said:

Hey Matt.k, 

First I want to see thank you for sharing this with us I know it can be really hard to share things like this and I also wanted to say welcome to Ditch the label, we here for you no matter what and if there are private these you would like to talk to staff with privately you can send them a message or go to the Confidential Support. 

Secondly, the fact that you have recognized the problem is great but im sorry this is something like this and i know being apart of the LGBTQIA+ community I know how hard it can be but the fact that you are willing to still turn to have a relationship with your parents and sister is a big thing and not only that you got outed and i know a lot of people can feel your pain which no one should be forced to come out about anything much less a person’s sexuality. 

Third, Why do you think you and your family have such a bad view on LGBTQIA+? I think people how doesn’t understand the community think that it’s a choice but it’s the oppose because you can’t choice something that you were born into like me for example im bisexual but because of where i grow up, my family, my school, and my friends; im a mestizo i was born in Brooklyn, New York but I live in a small town in Nebraska since 5th grade so it made me feel like i could come out and i kinda pushed my feelings for girls out my mind until i got to high school and i came out to some of my friends and teachers the made me feel good about myself but i came to understand not everyone felt the same way about my sexuality so what im trying to say is talk to your sister about how being outed really

Spoiler

 

 

Edited February 28, 2023 by Matt.K
Apologies I’m still trying to get used to this forum