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This topic contains content which has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Disordered Eating, Self-Harm, Sexual Assault & Rape

I hate myself


-Leila-    

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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Disordered Eating, Self-Harm, Sexual Assault & Rape

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So, today there was a meeting where I attended alongside a nurse on the ward I’m on, we talked about my health and how it’s improving but we also talked about what risk I have towards myself. 
we all said that over the few months I’ve been in hospital I have made some progress but we didn’t think it’s enough for me to leave the hospital.

 I was open and honest towards everyone at the meeting but I really felt like they weren’t understanding me as best as they could. I feel like I’m failing myself but doing things they want me to do, like they want me to eat and be healthy but I’m not doing that because I’m my mind I have things I need to achieve to make myself happy and feel comfortable and eating isn’t on the list.

After everyone has their say we all were in agreement that I will not be leaving the hospital any time soon, they are getting a dietician to come and support me with my eating and ways to keep myself healthy.

I am still struggling with body weight and I am still getting help with my eating disorder, I got weighed this morning and I’ve gained a little bit of weight but not a lot as they want me to. I do feel like im making progress but I. Know im not.

I am having self harm thoughts especially from past trauma, when I was sexually assaulted I keep thinking about it and it won’t disappear out of my head which is causing me to worry and I don’t know what to do. It’s distressing to have such negative emotions. 
 

sorry for the long post 

Edited by _Leila_
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  • -Leila- changed the title to I hate myself
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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Disordered Eating, Self-Harm, Sexual Assault & Rape

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On 2/15/2023 at 1:07 PM, _Leila_ said:

So, today there was a meeting where I attended alongside a nurse on the ward I’m on, we talked about my health and how it’s improving but we also talked about what risk I have towards myself. 
we all said that over the few months I’ve been in hospital I have made some progress but we didn’t think it’s enough for me to leave the hospital.

 I was open and honest towards everyone at the meeting but I really felt like they weren’t understanding me as best as they could. I feel like I’m failing myself but doing things they want me to do, like they want me to eat and be healthy but I’m not doing that because I’m my mind I have things I need to achieve to make myself happy and feel comfortable and eating isn’t on the list.

After everyone has their say we all were in agreement that I will not be leaving the hospital any time soon, they are getting a dietician to come and support me with my eating and ways to keep myself healthy.

I am still struggling with body weight and I am still getting help with my eating disorder, I got weighed this morning and I’ve gained a little bit of weight but not a lot as they want me to. I do feel like im making progress but I. Know im not.

I am having self harm thoughts especially from past trauma, when I was sexually assaulted I keep thinking about it and it won’t disappear out of my head which is causing me to worry and I don’t know what to do. It’s distressing to have such negative emotions. 
 

sorry for the long post 

Heyy @_Leila_, I am so sorry that you've been going through. No need to apologise for the long post, would you please message on CS and we can continue this conversation there?

I hear you on the level of distress you're feeling. 

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