MimeNegative Posted February 6, 2023 Share Posted February 6, 2023 (edited) This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Sex Click this notice to reveal the content. I have no drive [besides sex drive...and thanks, but that's not what I want right now]. There is NOTHING I feel like actually doing [especially stuff with effort in it]. I do schoolwork just fine, and I get good grades too, but I don't have a drive to do anything else. I hardly even have a drive to do schoolwork outside of school hours. I just can't. I've been this way for so long and I need help finding a way to gain drive or will to do SOMETHING. I hate when people say 'they miss me' or 'can't wait to see me'. I hate it even more when people check up on me everyday. I. Just. Want. To. Be. Left. Alone [most of the time] ...is that too much to ask of my friends? I get it, thanks for being excited or whatever, but I want to be left alone outside of school or early in the morning. And stop texting me so quickly, jeez...I appreciate that people actually like me, but I want to be left alone way more than they leave me alone. It's kind of overwhelming when people talk/text me all the time, I don't like being as social as I seem. I guess that's kinda on me, especially since I'll never have the gut to tell them I want to be left alone and I act otherwise[I don't know why, I just get crazy around people and they mistake it for loving being around people]. I'm just sitting in filth, the mental kind. I'm just stuck with my bad feelings of rage/depression. I don't know how to scrape it away and get myself out of it. My heart feels so heavy, and the feeling is getting more frequent and heavy. It's dragging me down and making me just so...sad. I feel so heartbroken all the time, as I have lost two people I really loved and trusted [for once[just applies to 'trusted']] and a bunch of people I really liked[big friend group]. Don't get me wrong, I like all of my friends, no matter how much they bother me, but I really liked those other people. For once, I missed them. I don't tend to miss people because I'm so lost in my fantasies or distracted, so I don't get attached. Even so, because of the people I've lost, I'm subconsciously trying to keep myself away from caring, trusting, or loving people. I never believe anyone when they say they care. I just can't, I was conditioned to not trust when people say they 'care' or are 'trying to help me'. I know I could probably benefit from staying in a mental hospital for help, but I can't be away from my family. It makes me freak out and really depressed. Being away from them for so long, when I know they can't visit daily, makes me kinda scared of mental hospitals. I would've been scared anyway, but now I'm more scared of them. I don't want to be away from them for so long. I love them a lot. I just feel so bad and lost all the time. Edited February 6, 2023 by MimeNegative Extra info MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Aurora Posted February 7, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted February 7, 2023 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Sex Click this notice to reveal the content. 20 hours ago, MimeNegative said: I have no drive [besides sex drive...and thanks, but that's not what I want right now]. There is NOTHING I feel like actually doing [especially stuff with effort in it]. I do schoolwork just fine, and I get good grades too, but I don't have a drive to do anything else. I hardly even have a drive to do schoolwork outside of school hours. I just can't. I've been this way for so long and I need help finding a way to gain drive or will to do SOMETHING. I hate when people say 'they miss me' or 'can't wait to see me'. I hate it even more when people check up on me everyday. I. Just. Want. To. Be. Left. Alone [most of the time] ...is that too much to ask of my friends? I get it, thanks for being excited or whatever, but I want to be left alone outside of school or early in the morning. And stop texting me so quickly, jeez...I appreciate that people actually like me, but I want to be left alone way more than they leave me alone. It's kind of overwhelming when people talk/text me all the time, I don't like being as social as I seem. I guess that's kinda on me, especially since I'll never have the gut to tell them I want to be left alone and I act otherwise[I don't know why, I just get crazy around people and they mistake it for loving being around people]. I'm just sitting in filth, the mental kind. I'm just stuck with my bad feelings of rage/depression. I don't know how to scrape it away and get myself out of it. My heart feels so heavy, and the feeling is getting more frequent and heavy. It's dragging me down and making me just so...sad. I feel so heartbroken all the time, as I have lost two people I really loved and trusted [for once[just applies to 'trusted']] and a bunch of people I really liked[big friend group]. Don't get me wrong, I like all of my friends, no matter how much they bother me, but I really liked those other people. For once, I missed them. I don't tend to miss people because I'm so lost in my fantasies or distracted, so I don't get attached. Even so, because of the people I've lost, I'm subconsciously trying to keep myself away from caring, trusting, or loving people. I never believe anyone when they say they care. I just can't, I was conditioned to not trust when people say they 'care' or are 'trying to help me'. I know I could probably benefit from staying in a mental hospital for help, but I can't be away from my family. It makes me freak out and really depressed. Being away from them for so long, when I know they can't visit daily, makes me kinda scared of mental hospitals. I would've been scared anyway, but now I'm more scared of them. I don't want to be away from them for so long. I love them a lot. I just feel so bad and lost all the time. Hi there, Thank you for opening up about how you are feeling. I know it can be difficult to do, especially when we are feeling really low. I get a sense that you might be overwhelmed and possibly paralysed by your feelings and I’m wondering whether this is why you don’t have any drive to do anything at the moment. Do you think that might be the case? From what you’ve been telling us it sounds like you are feeling really depressed at the moment. Before I reply to the other things you mentioned I just wanted to check with you to see if you are feeling safe right now? I know this might be a bit of a direct question to ask but your safety is the most important thing and we care about you and want to make sure you are safe. It’s OK to say if you’re not feeling safe. The more we know the better we can support you. Just in case you ever need it, here is some safety information. If you ever feel like you are in crisis then you can reach out to the following: UK - The Samaritans: 116 123 (24/7 service) USA - NSPL: 1-800-273-8255 A list of worldwide crisis lines: https://www.befrienders.org - you can find the one for your country and call them if you are in crisis An app I can recommend: https://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ this has safety plans to make sure you don't harm yourself and you might find it useful Remember, you can always call the emergency services or go to your local emergency department at the hospital for support Please know that we are here for you. It might not feel like it right now but our mental health and our emotional wellbeing changes throughout our life and these feelings won't last. You will feel different again! MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MimeNegative Posted February 7, 2023 Author Share Posted February 7, 2023 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Sex Click this notice to reveal the content. 31 minutes ago, Aurora said: Hi there, Thank you for opening up about how you are feeling. I know it can be difficult to do, especially when we are feeling really low. I get a sense that you might be overwhelmed and possibly paralysed by your feelings and I’m wondering whether this is why you don’t have any drive to do anything at the moment. Do you think that might be the case? From what you’ve been telling us it sounds like you are feeling really depressed at the moment. Before I reply to the other things you mentioned I just wanted to check with you to see if you are feeling safe right now? I know this might be a bit of a direct question to ask but your safety is the most important thing and we care about you and want to make sure you are safe. It’s OK to say if you’re not feeling safe. The more we know the better we can support you. Just in case you ever need it, here is some safety information. If you ever feel like you are in crisis then you can reach out to the following: UK - The Samaritans: 116 123 (24/7 service) USA - NSPL: 1-800-273-8255 A list of worldwide crisis lines: https://www.befrienders.org - you can find the one for your country and call them if you are in crisis An app I can recommend: https://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ this has safety plans to make sure you don't harm yourself and you might find it useful Remember, you can always call the emergency services or go to your local emergency department at the hospital for support Please know that we are here for you. It might not feel like it right now but our mental health and our emotional wellbeing changes throughout our life and these feelings won't last. You will feel different again! I am not looking to put an end to my life, as I consider death a reward, and I am working towards a point where I can feel satisfied with my life and then feel thrilled that the universe will put me to rest. Your concern is appreciated, however :) MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Aurora Posted February 7, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted February 7, 2023 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Sex Click this notice to reveal the content. 1 hour ago, MimeNegative said: I am not looking to put an end to my life, as I consider death a reward, and I am working towards a point where I can feel satisfied with my life and then feel thrilled that the universe will put me to rest. Your concern is appreciated, however :) I'm glad to hear you are not looking to put an end to your life and that you are feeling safe. I get the impression that you really want to change your situation and that's a really good starting point! Do you mind me asking a few more questions? This is so I can understand your situation better. Please don't feel you have to answer them - this is a safe space and it's totally up to you to decide what you would like to share with us. Can I ask, how long have you've been feeling like this? And can you think of anything that might have triggered these feelings? I noticed that you mentioned having bad feelings of rage/depression. I'm just wondering, have you seen anyone about this and are you or have you had any support in the past? Also, I get the impression that you are really close with your family. Is that right? I'm just wondering, have you spoken to anyone in your family about how you feel? If you would prefer to talk about this confidentially then you can always send us a confidential support request and we can talk about it there instead. Whatever works for you. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MimeNegative Posted February 7, 2023 Author Share Posted February 7, 2023 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Sex Click this notice to reveal the content. 2 hours ago, Aurora said: I'm glad to hear you are not looking to put an end to your life and that you are feeling safe. I get the impression that you really want to change your situation and that's a really good starting point! Do you mind me asking a few more questions? This is so I can understand your situation better. Please don't feel you have to answer them - this is a safe space and it's totally up to you to decide what you would like to share with us. Can I ask, how long have you've been feeling like this? And can you think of anything that might have triggered these feelings? I noticed that you mentioned having bad feelings of rage/depression. I'm just wondering, have you seen anyone about this and are you or have you had any support in the past? Also, I get the impression that you are really close with your family. Is that right? I'm just wondering, have you spoken to anyone in your family about how you feel? If you would prefer to talk about this confidentially then you can always send us a confidential support request and we can talk about it there instead. Whatever works for you. Would you rather I talk about this confidentially? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Aurora Posted February 8, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted February 8, 2023 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Sex Click this notice to reveal the content. 19 hours ago, MimeNegative said: Would you rather I talk about this confidentially? I don't mind. It's totally up to you. Whatever you prefer ! MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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