Blackmail

[TinyDinos]

I’m being bullied by my little sister (13) because she’s mad that I complained to my mom that she wouldn’t get out of my room after I repeatedly asked her to leave. She always gives me nasty outbursts when my parents aren’t looking, and she’s just all around a total bitch. She’s super manipulative and really selfish and self centered. She does whatever she wants, whenever she wants, and never gets any consequence. I’ve never come out to her, but I think she suspects it because I’ve jokingly referred to Jenna Ortega as “my wife” (similarly to how Jenna herself has referred to Gwendolyn Christie in an interview), or shown lack of interest in boys and she’s randomly commented “That’s lesbian” and won’t drop it after I tell her to stop. She repeatedly raises her voice at me and tells me to stop acting like her mom and just overall makes me feel powerless and I’m so embarrassed because she’s my little sister ffs.

Tonight, my mom sent all of us to bed, and my sisters stayed up after she went to her room. I repeated my mom’s instruction and they both didn’t listen. I decide to ignore it and just mind my business, seeing as I already reminded them once.I go to my bathroom and brush my teeth and 13 follows me into the bathroom to harass me. (She literally says she annoys me just for fun bc she’s bored and I won’t do anything about it.) Then I tell her goodnight, and go to my room, shutting the door behind me. We’re not allowed to go into each other’s rooms without knocking and getting permission if the door is closed. Now, 13 violates that rule and follows me in, with 12 following right behind her. They both harass me some more, and I send them out of my room repeatedly. After asking them to leave so I can go to bed at least 6 times, I decide it’s not worth it. I thought about just turning off the lights, laying down in bed and going to sleep, but they’re both in my bed. I ask them once again to leave and they ignore me, continuing to goof off, and I go upstairs to complain to my mom. I ask her to send them to bed bc I’m trying to go to sleep, and I asked them over and over again to leave my room and they won’t listen to me. She tells me to tell them that she said to go to bed and I tell her that I already did and they didn’t listen to me. She tells me to tell them to come into her room to talk to them. I go to my room.

13 comes back downstairs after talking to my mom, and barges into my room again without knocking, and I don’t make a big deal out of it. She tells me that she left her water bottle in here. I tell her okay then, to turn on the lights and look for it but that I haven’t seen it. She turns the lights on and looks around and I tell her that I don’t think that it’s in here, that I think I saw her holding it when she left my room to talk to my mom. She responds with a nasty attitude and I tell her not to lash out at me, and she snaps at me with her bad attitude saying how I was rude so I’m not allowed to tell her not to have a bad attitude. I ask her if I need to talk to our mom again, and she stares at me for a moment and rolls her eyes before glaring at me and says “go ahead. Go tell her. But if you do, I’ll tell her stuff about you.” I ask her what stuff she could possibly tell her about me, and she says “Sooo many things. I have so much stuff on you.” I ask her again, what is she talking about, and she says “I’m not gonna tell you. You know what you did and I’m gonna tell her if you tell one me so keep your mouth shut.” And I tell her to stop and she says sweetly “okay just keep that in mind, thank you, goodnight.”

I literally can’t stop shaking and crying right now because I really think she knows that I use DTL and that I’m lesbian and I worry that she’s gonna tell my mom. I’m so scared and I’m not gonna tell my mom about it because I know my sister will make good on her threats. I can’t tel, my dad either bc the reaction will be the same. What do I do about being bullied by my own little sister????

What do I do if she decides that she doesn’t like me telling her what to do and tells then?

am I supposed to just suck up to her now?

How do I prevent her from telling my mom and potentially putting me in a very dangerous situation???

I also *just* got to a good place with my mom after her being angry with me over school and a big argument we had last month. I’m really scared that everything is going to get ruined by my bratty little sister and I literally bent over backwards to make her as happy as possible throughout everything that’s happened to us. I literally let her cry on my shoulder when things got bad. I was ready to die for her if need be and now she”s betraying me in such a way that like, how am I supposed to trust anyone now?? I could never talk to my parents about this, and I can’t tell my friends (I literally only have three and none of them would understand) and my sisters are out of the picture for obvious reasons.

Im so alone and I can’t do this by myself. Nobody gets it and everybody will turn on me eventually after they no longer need me. What’s the point?? I don’t have real people to rely on and it’s not like even if I did have people who genuinely cared about me that they could even help. Nobody understands the weight of what I’m going through and they never will. If I do talk about it then nobody will believe me, or tell me how other people have it much worse than I do. How am I supposed to act normal under circumstances like this???

[Monsoon]

Hey @TinyDinos

Thank you for sharing what is going on with your sister right now. I just want to check, how are you feeling? I can see that you said 'What's the point??' at the end of your comment, and I just want to check that you're safe?

It sounds like she is really getting to you which is totally understandable and it seems like things are getting really heated between both of you, and I'm wondering, how do you think it got to this point; what changed? I can see that she made a threat to you, and I know that from supporting lots of people with siblings over the years, these threats can be pretty common but not actually truthful, and by this, I mean that they can often be used to scare the other sibling; what do you think?

[TinyDinos]

2 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @TinyDinos

Thank you for sharing what is going on with your sister right now. I just want to check, how are you feeling? I can see that you said 'What's the point??' at the end of your comment, and I just want to check that you're safe?

It sounds like she is really getting to you which is totally understandable and it seems like things are getting really heated between both of you, and I'm wondering, how do you think it got to this point; what changed? I can see that she made a threat to you, and I know that from supporting lots of people with siblings over the years, these threats can be pretty common but not actually truthful, and by this, I mean that they can often be used to scare the other sibling; what do you think?

I mostly just feel really helpless about the whole situation. My sister is the kind of person that doesn’t care if she gets in trouble too, she’ll bring everyone down with her. As long as the other person involved is miserable, she’s fine with whatever consequence she gets. I’ve relaxed a bit though now since nobody bothered me since earlier but I’m having trouble going to sleep (PST). It’s been a long stressful day aside from the sister drama (I’ll probably make a post abt it later bc it’s not a big deal I just want some community input).

 I’m safe, I don’t wanna hurt myself or anything, just really stressed. I said “What’s the point?” Because I don’t know what to do about her. I don’t understand why as her older sister, when things get messy and we can’t count on anybody else, why I have to be the bigger person and sacrifice everything for her, and she can trust that I’ll do everything I can to take care of her because that’s my job, but as soon as she gets in trouble for mistreating me, she forgets all of that and purposefully makes me uncomfortable and threatens my safety and mental health. 

I think part of it is the fact that she became bratty and selfish because that’s what my dad always told her she was while he still lived with us and she kinda just took on that behavior, but the other major contributor is that we’re both menstruating teenagers . Our hormones are ridiculously unbalanced and we fight, often more aggressively than most. And 13 specifically is the most insensitive out of the three of us. I genuinely think she’d make good on her threats. Like I said, she’s pretty apathetic and it frustrates me because she expects everyone to be really sensitive when it comes to her and her feelings, but the rules don’t apply to her. I’ll never be allowed to feel anything because it doesn’t benefit her. In her eyes I exist to make her feel better and do whatever she wants and I hate it.

Even if she doesn’t out me, she successfully achieved her goal of scaring me into silence because even if she’s bluffing, I don’t wanna risk it, and she knows that. She j it’s how to manipulate me into doing what she wants when she wants it.  :(

[TinyDinos]

She’s acting like nothing happened. I’m gonna scream.

[Monsoon]

12 hours ago, TinyDinos said:

I mostly just feel really helpless about the whole situation. My sister is the kind of person that doesn’t care if she gets in trouble too, she’ll bring everyone down with her. As long as the other person involved is miserable, she’s fine with whatever consequence she gets. I’ve relaxed a bit though now since nobody bothered me since earlier but I’m having trouble going to sleep (PST). It’s been a long stressful day aside from the sister drama (I’ll probably make a post abt it later bc it’s not a big deal I just want some community input).

 I’m safe, I don’t wanna hurt myself or anything, just really stressed. I said “What’s the point?” Because I don’t know what to do about her. I don’t understand why as her older sister, when things get messy and we can’t count on anybody else, why I have to be the bigger person and sacrifice everything for her, and she can trust that I’ll do everything I can to take care of her because that’s my job, but as soon as she gets in trouble for mistreating me, she forgets all of that and purposefully makes me uncomfortable and threatens my safety and mental health. 

I think part of it is the fact that she became bratty and selfish because that’s what my dad always told her she was while he still lived with us and she kinda just took on that behavior, but the other major contributor is that we’re both menstruating teenagers . Our hormones are ridiculously unbalanced and we fight, often more aggressively than most. And 13 specifically is the most insensitive out of the three of us. I genuinely think she’d make good on her threats. Like I said, she’s pretty apathetic and it frustrates me because she expects everyone to be really sensitive when it comes to her and her feelings, but the rules don’t apply to her. I’ll never be allowed to feel anything because it doesn’t benefit her. In her eyes I exist to make her feel better and do whatever she wants and I hate it.

Even if she doesn’t out me, she successfully achieved her goal of scaring me into silence because even if she’s bluffing, I don’t wanna risk it, and she knows that. She j it’s how to manipulate me into doing what she wants when she wants it.  :(

Hey there,

Yeah, it sounds like this is really getting to you, and your reaction is totally normal and understandable. When we feel forced into silence through blackmail, it can leave us feeling unjustified, but yet, also having a sense of feeling defeated because of the lack of control over the situation; what do you think about that? I'm wondering, are you hoping for things to get better between you two? If so, what would that look like? 

[TinyDinos]

58 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, it sounds like this is really getting to you, and your reaction is totally normal and understandable. When we feel forced into silence through blackmail, it can leave us feeling unjustified, but yet, also having a sense of feeling defeated because of the lack of control over the situation; what do you think about that? I'm wondering, are you hoping for things to get better between you two? If so, what would that look like? 

I think that you described it perfectly. I do want things to be better, and I think that would be a good balance between sharing our opinions and accepting that we process things differently without arguing so aggressively.

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

That's a really good point around accepting those differences in the way you process things; sometimes, it can be really helpful to just agree to disagree, because you could each spend loads of time trying to convince the other that you're right and just end up arguing more; what do you think? I'm wondering, how do you think you might go about making this change? Also, just to let you know, if you would like more support, I am off from 2nd to the 7th February. If you need more support, please create another topic or send a message on confidential support, thanks :)