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A lil vignette about my brain

Smoky Loki    

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I’m tied down by my brain, but my brain is also tied down with me. That’s how I see it.
The psychologist sees it differently. She says I have a “verbal processing delay”, which is fancy talk for a fast brain and a slow mouth.

The thing is, I always know what I want to say, but I don’t know what to say. I have all these ideas running around in my head trying to get out, but my mouth is a locked door, not allowing those ideas out. And when it does open, it lets only the smallest ideas out, and it stutters and stalls like an old engine.

You could be among the stars, says the psychologist. You have the mind of a genius, but the world can’t hear it because your mouth is a locked door. So curb your brain and train it, and then maybe your brain won’t lunge ahead of your mouth.

But I can’t do that. I won’t let my brain become that of a child when it could be that of an adult. I’ll put up with my slow mouth and fast brain and maybe I’ll grow out of it.

That was last year. I haven’t grown out of it. And there’s a damn good chance I never will.

And that’s why I write. It’s the only way I can let the ideas out of my head. My fingers move pretty slowly too, but they move faster than my mouth. And that’s something.

When I write, I feel like I’m flying.

But until I’m magically able to speak as well as I write, I am a balloon tied to a railing, straining for the stars.


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I get you. Nobody ever listens to me, so I make up characters and write about them. I feel like they are listening. What do you write about?

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