How do I start something without feeling like it's all useless?

[Everlast-Arch]

Let me preface that I have been struggling with mental health issues and suicidal ideation, and I could not seek help as of now, as I live in a conservative country where being seen going to mental health facilities would mean I lose my job, I get declared insane, and I would become the talk of the neighborhood.

In order to manage my condition the best I could, I do journaling and I try to start new hobbies, but every time I do the latter, I would always think to myself that I'd be wasting time, since I'd die anyway and all the time wasted would be in vain. I know that it is not healthy to think like this, but every time I would pick up  apen and try learning how to draw, or open some videos on how to cook for beginners, I always think like that. How do I break out of this?

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Thank you for reaching out to us. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice to those who reach out to us. I'm sorry to hear you've been experiencing mental health issues and suicidal ideation. I'm glad you have been able to open up to us here; how does it feel to come to us and share what is going on for you at the moment?

Before we go ahead and support you more, I just want to check, are you feeling safe at the moment? It's okay to share if you aren't, and the more we know, the more we can help you. Remember, although it might not seem like it now, there is light at the end of every tunnel, and you have the strength to move forward. Just incase you need it, here is some safety information if you are in crisis: 

• UK - The Samaritans: 116 123 (24/7 service)
• USA - NSPL: 1-800-273-8255
• A list of worldwide crisis lines: https://www.befrienders.org
• An app I can recommend: https://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ this has safety plans to make sure you don't harm yourself and you might find it useful. 
• If you’re in the UK, you can text SHOUT to 85258 when you are struggling, and a trained crisis volunteer will text you back. This is great if you find talking on the phone challenging, and it’s completely free 24/7