Am i just being a jerk?

[vega]

So the start of this year i made a new 'friend'

i though it would be good for me, she would push me to be more 'social' and that crap

but now she just irritates me

she yells at my other friend and then gets mad when he gets mad at her

she was pushing too hard for me to some party i didn't want to go to and wasn't allowed to go to because of stories of people drugging drinks

somedays i just wish she would leave me alone

does that make me a jerk?

[Monsoon]

17 hours ago, vega said:

So the start of this year i made a new 'friend'

i though it would be good for me, she would push me to be more 'social' and that crap

but now she just irritates me

she yells at my other friend and then gets mad when he gets mad at her

she was pushing too hard for me to some party i didn't want to go to and wasn't allowed to go to because of stories of people drugging drinks

somedays i just wish she would leave me alone

does that make me a jerk?

Hey there,

Thank you for sharing this. It doesn't make you a jerk at all; your feelings are valid and it's important to express them. I'm wondering, why does doing that make you wonder if you are a jerk or not? 

[vega]

5 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Thank you for sharing this. It doesn't make you a jerk at all; your feelings are valid and it's important to express them. I'm wondering, why does doing that make you wonder if you are a jerk or not? 

because sometimes she can be nice, and i just get irritated at how much she seems to rely on friends on top of her being sort of rude

i mean, its not her fault that she's an extrovert and thrives with people while i am an introvert and prefer to walk alone where there seems to be no code to everything

dont walk behind me, hurry, look at someone when they speak

[Monsoon]

15 hours ago, vega said:

because sometimes she can be nice, and i just get irritated at how much she seems to rely on friends on top of her being sort of rude

i mean, its not her fault that she's an extrovert and thrives with people while i am an introvert and prefer to walk alone where there seems to be no code to everything

dont walk behind me, hurry, look at someone when they speak

Hey there,

Ah, okay, so it sounds like you're frustrated by the social rules that come into play when you spend time together. Is that fair to say? I'm wondering, if you were to tell her how you feel over message, what would you say?

[vega]

5 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Ah, okay, so it sounds like you're frustrated by the social rules that come into play when you spend time together. Is that fair to say? I'm wondering, if you were to tell her how you feel over message, what would you say?

i dont know, im always too nice or too rude i'm told

[Monsoon]

13 hours ago, vega said:

i dont know, im always too nice or too rude i'm told

Hey there,

I'm wondering then, do you think you might talk to her about it, or are you just going to try and move forward without doing that?

[vega]

On 11/26/2022 at 7:31 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I'm wondering then, do you think you might talk to her about it, or are you just going to try and move forward without doing that?

i would prefer not having to confront her, i feel uncomfortable in those situations, but my one friend is getting more angery by the day

[Monsoon]

16 hours ago, vega said:

i would prefer not having to confront her, i feel uncomfortable in those situations, but my one friend is getting more angery by the day

Hey there,

I totally get why confrontation is uncomfortable, but I guess I'm wondering, do you think it will get better without having that chat with her, or does it need to happen?

[vega]

2 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I totally get why confrontation is uncomfortable, but I guess I'm wondering, do you think it will get better without having that chat with her, or does it need to happen?

it miight need to happen, how should i start this?

[Monsoon]

22 hours ago, vega said:

it miight need to happen, how should i start this?

Hey,

Yeah, I think so too. Before you do it, it can be helpful to think what you would like to get out of speaking with her. What would you like to be different after talking to her?

[vega]

On 11/30/2022 at 10:57 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Yeah, I think so too. Before you do it, it can be helpful to think what you would like to get out of speaking with her. What would you like to be different after talking to her?

i would like her to be less controling, its that way for everyone, she is always telling all of her friends to do this, do that

im scared though because i just became friends with one of her friends, would she hate me if i spoke with her?

[Monsoon]

On 12/1/2022 at 6:43 PM, vega said:

i would like her to be less controling, its that way for everyone, she is always telling all of her friends to do this, do that

im scared though because i just became friends with one of her friends, would she hate me if i spoke with her?

Hey,

I noticed that you mentioned the word hate, and that would be a pretty strong way to respond really, don't you think? How likely do you think it is that they would have such a strong reaction?

[vega]

On 12/3/2022 at 9:48 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey,

I noticed that you mentioned the word hate, and that would be a pretty strong way to respond really, don't you think? How likely do you think it is that they would have such a strong reaction?

i dont know, she doesn't seem so happy with me right now so having that talk could push it to hate

if she doesn't already

[Monsoon]

7 hours ago, vega said:

i dont know, she doesn't seem so happy with me right now so having that talk could push it to hate

if she doesn't already

Hey there,

Maybe it might be best to leave it for now until you feel like the time is more suitable, what do you think? 

[vega]

ok, some crap just went down

the one friend of the friend causing problems just revolted against her and so did another friend

i would feel bad to say anything now

[Monsoon]

On 12/10/2022 at 1:52 AM, vega said:

ok, some crap just went down

the one friend of the friend causing problems just revolted against her and so did another friend

i would feel bad to say anything now

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear some crap went down. It shows me how sensitive and caring you are to hold off from saying something at this point, and they are great qualities to have. I think it's definitely a good idea to wait, but do make sure to speak to her at some point because your feelings are valid and this is clearly bothering you. 

[vega]

i think she's a toxic friend

she never defends me or my other friend when others pick on us, she says its just a joke

she always sets intense double standards on my one friend who calls her out if she s being unfair

she is so controlling! and she's in all my classes! how am i supposed to let the friendship fade out?

I might just snap if she acts the same way she did yesterday

she got mad at my one friend because he was talking about how bad his shoulder hurt

she yelled at him for singing and then literally started singing

gah!

[Monsoon]

16 hours ago, vega said:

i think she's a toxic friend

she never defends me or my other friend when others pick on us, she says its just a joke

she always sets intense double standards on my one friend who calls her out if she s being unfair

she is so controlling! and she's in all my classes! how am i supposed to let the friendship fade out?

I might just snap if she acts the same way she did yesterday

she got mad at my one friend because he was talking about how bad his shoulder hurt

she yelled at him for singing and then literally started singing

gah!

Hey there,

It sounds like there are definitely issues to talk about with her, and it would be good to try and have that conversation in a calm way. Maybe you could speak with her over the next couple of days; what do you think?

[vega]

On 12/17/2022 at 5:28 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

It sounds like there are definitely issues to talk about with her, and it would be good to try and have that conversation in a calm way. Maybe you could speak with her over the next couple of days; what do you think?

that would work well since break is coming and i that would give her time to think over what i said before we are back at school

[Monsoon]

17 hours ago, vega said:

that would work well since break is coming and i that would give her time to think over what i said before we are back at school

Hey,

Yeah, definitely, it would be really helpful for her to have time to think it over. Would you like any support for how to approach this, or are you alright? 

[vega]

22 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Yeah, definitely, it would be really helpful for her to have time to think it over. Would you like any support for how to approach this, or are you alright? 

i think i'll just try to wing it

if she hates me for my feelings then its not really a loss of a friend, right?

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Yeah, I think it's best to just be in the moment and speak from the heart in situations like this. It sounds like you're questioning the friendship anyway, and I get the impression that the way she reacts is going to have an an impact on your friendship going forward. I hope it goes how you hope it to and get what you want out of the interaction. If you want, you can keep us updated, but it's completely up to you.