Vent

[_Kai_]

So this is gonna just be a BUNCH of stuff blurted out at once, but I've cried 4 times already this week & I just need to get all this stuff off my mind. 

I don't know if this is normal or not but it just seems as if I'm treated differently- Like my parents will do & say different stuff to my siblings as if they're proud of them & actually love em, whilst with me they just ignore or yell at me all the time. 

My mom found out about my su1c1d3 attempts & the s3lf harming, so I got talked to which was odd since she was being nice about it, though her & my brother tease & make fun of my depression.

My parents tell me they appreciate the babysitting & all the siblings chores I do, yet they say I'm lazy or that I do nothing around the house.

I've been stressing about homework all month & keep getting told I'm not doing enough or that I'm not even trying, I also just got told how I'm just selfish for wasting everyones time with my homework struggles.

My eyes have been hurting like hell since I've been having to squint to see even a little bit close to properly, I need glasses but my mom won't set up an appointment.

My parents act like nothings wrong after they keep having arguments & bringing me into it. 

My mom keeps bodyshaming me, even though I already struggle with eating disorders, like she'll tell me I need to stop eating so much or that I need to exercise because of how I look, though when I don't eat she'll tell me I need to & to stop over exaggerating.

I was always told to knock off the crying or to stop being so emotional & not to speak how I'm feeling, so I guess thats why I bottle all the emotions till the just explode.

I feel like I'm just plain out annoying my best friend 

(if u read all that thank you, I don't expect comments, just needed to get all that stuff off my brain :>)

Edited November 23, 2022 by _Kai_
[Meant to put trigger warnings]

[Monsoon]

3 hours ago, _Kai_ said:

So this is gonna just be a BUNCH of stuff blurted out at once, but I've cried 4 times already this week & I just need to get all this stuff off my mind. 

I don't know if this is normal or not but it just seems as if I'm treated differently- Like my parents will do & say different stuff to my siblings as if they're proud of them & actually love em, whilst with me they just ignore or yell at me all the time. 

My mom found out about my su1c1d3 attempts & the s3lf harming, so I got talked to which was odd since she was being nice about it, though her & my brother tease & make fun of my depression.

My parents tell me they appreciate the babysitting & all the siblings chores I do, yet they say I'm lazy or that I do nothing around the house.

I've been stressing about homework all month & keep getting told I'm not doing enough or that I'm not even trying, I also just got told how I'm just selfish for wasting everyones time with my homework struggles.

My eyes have been hurting like hell since I've been having to squint to see even a little bit close to properly, I need glasses but my mom won't set up an appointment.

My parents act like nothings wrong after they keep having arguments & bringing me into it. 

My mom keeps bodyshaming me, even though I already struggle with eating disorders, like she'll tell me I need to stop eating so much or that I need to exercise because of how I look, though when I don't eat she'll tell me I need to & to stop over exaggerating.

I was always told to knock off the crying or to stop being so emotional & not to speak how I'm feeling, so I guess thats why I bottle all the emotions till the just explode.

I feel like I'm just plain out annoying my best friend 

(if u read all that thank you, I don't expect comments, just needed to get all that stuff off my brain :>)

Hey there,

I've read everything you said and I just want to thank you for being so open. It sounds like you've got a lot going on at the moment; how have you been coping with all of this? I can imagine you've been feeling really overwhelmed, and it's okay to feel like that. I'm wondering, are you safe at the moment? I noticed what you said about how your mom found out about your attempts to take your own life. I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm glad she knows because she can help look after you more, and it's good that she was nice about it. I hope to hear back from you soon. Take care and speak soon. 

[_Kai_]

7 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I've read everything you said and I just want to thank you for being so open. It sounds like you've got a lot going on at the moment; how have you been coping with all of this? I can imagine you've been feeling really overwhelmed, and it's okay to feel like that. I'm wondering, are you safe at the moment? I noticed what you said about how your mom found out about your attempts to take your own life. I'm sorry to hear that, but I'm glad she knows because she can help look after you more, and it's good that she was nice about it. I hope to hear back from you soon. Take care and speak soon. 

The s3lf harming is mostly the coping result, in terms of other people then yes I'm safe. 

Edited November 23, 2022 by _Kai_

[Monsoon]

1 hour ago, _Kai_ said:

The s3lf harming is mostly the coping result, in terms of other people then yes I'm safe. 

Hey,

Yeah, most people use self-harm as a way to cope. I'm wondering, how good is it at helping you to cope? How does it make you feel after? 

[_Kai_]

44 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Yeah, most people use self-harm as a way to cope. I'm wondering, how good is it at helping you to cope? How does it make you feel after? 

Its relieving afterwards yet I have to cover them & the sleeves rub against it sometimes, so ig its not that good with the helping

[Hazard]

45 minutes ago, _Kai_ said:

Its relieving afterwards yet I have to cover them & the sleeves rub against it sometimes, so ig its not that good with the helping

I'm in the same position; try using things with fluffy sleeves or sleeves that hang stiffer, like jean jackets

[MySchoolLesbianZ]

13 hours ago, _Kai_ said:

So this is gonna just be a BUNCH of stuff blurted out at once, but I've cried 4 times already this week & I just need to get all this stuff off my mind. 

I don't know if this is normal or not but it just seems as if I'm treated differently- Like my parents will do & say different stuff to my siblings as if they're proud of them & actually love em, whilst with me they just ignore or yell at me all the time. 

My mom found out about my su1c1d3 attempts & the s3lf harming, so I got talked to which was odd since she was being nice about it, though her & my brother tease & make fun of my depression.

My parents tell me they appreciate the babysitting & all the siblings chores I do, yet they say I'm lazy or that I do nothing around the house.

I've been stressing about homework all month & keep getting told I'm not doing enough or that I'm not even trying, I also just got told how I'm just selfish for wasting everyones time with my homework struggles.

My eyes have been hurting like hell since I've been having to squint to see even a little bit close to properly, I need glasses but my mom won't set up an appointment.

My parents act like nothings wrong after they keep having arguments & bringing me into it. 

My mom keeps bodyshaming me, even though I already struggle with eating disorders, like she'll tell me I need to stop eating so much or that I need to exercise because of how I look, though when I don't eat she'll tell me I need to & to stop over exaggerating.

I was always told to knock off the crying or to stop being so emotional & not to speak how I'm feeling, so I guess thats why I bottle all the emotions till the just explode.

I feel like I'm just plain out annoying my best friend 

(if u read all that thank you, I don't expect comments, just needed to get all that stuff off my brain :>)

I read it and saw what you said about your family being very back and forth. They say that they're happy with what you do, and then they make you feel worse because they tell you that you aren't doing enough or that "recently you've been being lazy and you need to just calm down and do more." I get that 100% percent. There's this constant guilt that makes it feel like you're just worthless, and them being proud and then taking that away makes it so much worse. I can relate and I just want to say that doing whatever you can do and the effort you put into life is enough. It's definitely hard and I don't blame you for struggling. I've had stress from different aspects of life for a while now, and I think that we have a lot of similarities in that way. I don't know everything about your situation, but I know enough to say that I understand and I can relate. I'm sorry that all of this is happening.

[Hazard]

14 hours ago, _Kai_ said:

So this is gonna just be a BUNCH of stuff blurted out at once, but I've cried 4 times already this week & I just need to get all this stuff off my mind. 

I don't know if this is normal or not but it just seems as if I'm treated differently- Like my parents will do & say different stuff to my siblings as if they're proud of them & actually love em, whilst with me they just ignore or yell at me all the time. 

My mom found out about my su1c1d3 attempts & the s3lf harming, so I got talked to which was odd since she was being nice about it, though her & my brother tease & make fun of my depression.

My parents tell me they appreciate the babysitting & all the siblings chores I do, yet they say I'm lazy or that I do nothing around the house.

I've been stressing about homework all month & keep getting told I'm not doing enough or that I'm not even trying, I also just got told how I'm just selfish for wasting everyones time with my homework struggles.

My eyes have been hurting like hell since I've been having to squint to see even a little bit close to properly, I need glasses but my mom won't set up an appointment.

My parents act like nothings wrong after they keep having arguments & bringing me into it. 

My mom keeps bodyshaming me, even though I already struggle with eating disorders, like she'll tell me I need to stop eating so much or that I need to exercise because of how I look, though when I don't eat she'll tell me I need to & to stop over exaggerating.

I was always told to knock off the crying or to stop being so emotional & not to speak how I'm feeling, so I guess thats why I bottle all the emotions till the just explode.

I feel like I'm just plain out annoying my best friend 

(if u read all that thank you, I don't expect comments, just needed to get all that stuff off my brain :>)

Agggghh that sucks so much

Oop, I'm glad that she was nice about it, I just get telled that I'm making it up

Same, the moment I take a break from doing stuff its 'get up and do chores'. Why do people do that?

I have three large assignments I have to hand in TOMORROW that I'm nowhere near done and won't be. So I relate with that, just know you aren't wasting their time and that it's understandable

That really really sucks, I hope that you can get an appointment soon

Aggggggh once again, that really sucks. My parents have been doing the same

That- I don't know how you deal with that. I understand how tough that is, my mom keeps trying to force me to bring a lunch then gets mad at me for not eating it, saying I'm wasting food

Ah, relatable. I just have weird moments where I just kind of lose my sanity. We don't talk about the fact I spent lunchtime curled up and swaying, saying that 'you can't hurt a turtle' (in referencee to me being the turtle? Because I'm wearing a green jacket)

Me too, I've been so off recently that I feel like they're getting a bit irritated.