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Questioning my sexuality.


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Hi, I'm Nailin and I'm a 16-year-old female. I have turned 16 in June of this year, and I've been frequently questioning my sexuality. This hasn't happened so much or hit me like this, since I'm a late bloomer I assume this is the age it hits me I guess?


Well, back in middle school and high school, I claimed I am asexual. I believed it was true because I still don't want/or am interested to have sex with a guy or haven't felt the desire to have actual sex with a girl. I wasn't interested in dating either while everyone at 12 were dating. I only had a crush on two boys in the span of my life, one in 3rd grade and another in 7th. I don't believe my crushes were "crushes" or hardcore ones since I didn't understand or felt intense feelings, and I think I forced myself into my second crush in a way.


It wasn't until I began to delve into this pit in the question of my sexuality. I began to take psychology quizzes, not trying to delve into quizzes to make me feel better or tell me what I want to hear. I then began to get results I was homosexual or homoromantic, I was suddenly settling down with how attractive I found girls. I was brought back to times in my life that I was comfortable with being touchy feely with girls from one incident where my friend squeezed my chest and another where my other friend was laying on my shoulder, leaving me all tingly. I've been desiring a connection with girls in this way and want to be with sweet beautiful girls to be emotionally intimate with, even indulging into attractive female bodies from watching dancing and other stuff.


I struggle from where I am in the spectrum, hence why I'm not going for a label because I don't know. I struggle to know if my feelings are genuine and why I don't want to have sex with girls or guys. It all suddenly hit me like it hasn't before. And in some regions I'm kind of scared if I am gay, what will happen? Right now it's more of a struggle because I'm stuck at home all the time for school. no one to talk to or even go out to meet new people or seek out girls I wanna converse with. I feel stuck.


I tend to think so much when I was younger and I question if I truly feel this way from how differently I acted years ago. I really want to know what I am or if I can go about this?


Thank you for reading, I would love to hear your input.

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Thank you for coming to us for help with what you're going through - we can definitely give you some good advice. You're not alone :)


How are you feeling about this? I know how confusing this stage can be, and I desperately just wanted to know my sexuality as it was comforting to have a label. The problem is that society puts a lot of pressure on us to know who we are from a young age. The thing is, realising these things can often take time. It is important to have patience with such things. Getting to know yourself is a life-long process, so why not try to enjoy it?


Maybe you could start talking to people on dating apps? That way you may get more of a feel for your sexuality. This is also a great way of meeting new people and get out of that 'stuck' mentality.


Here is a guide you may find useful:




If you do decide that you are gay, then this is totally fine! You are who you are and you still deserve love more than anyone else. If people have a problem with that, then the problem is with them. You are NOT the issue and you DON'T need to change.


I hope you find this useful. I look forward to hearing back.


Hang in there! -Monsoon :)


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Thank you so much for replying. I still feel very confused and it's hard not to think about it. Parts of me think that I can't be gay and it's a phase or a comfortable thing with girls, but another part of me is that I can't be straight because I don't find masculinity attractive. Even as a child, I was put into that mindset because other classmates were into it and I wanted to fit in when I didn't understand what was attractive about guys.


I've been thinking of trying dating apps, I'm still a bit nervous. It's hard to find dating apps or sites that aren't shady or have many girls who are my age. I may need to learn how to start and be confident if another girl would be attracted to me since I don't think I'm much to look at I guess;;

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Thanks for getting back to me :). I understand your confusion and how difficult that can be, but the best thing to do is be patient. You will begin to understand these things as you get older, theres no rush.


With the dating apps, I guess you don't have to talk to anyone romantically! You can just get to know them and talk about your own experiences with sexuality - this might help to make things more clear :). Also, make sure you are old enough to use the dating apps before you sign up to them. Just talking to people through these kinds of things may also help you to build confidence.


Hope you're alright! -Monsoon


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