homophobic school vs me

[jamie10]

I'm a 15 yo girl who goes to a rich private school - meaning that all the pretentious and homophobic snobs come right along with it. Throughout the school year and a lot last year, I've been questioning my sexuality. Whenever I was asked in a truth or dare if I'd ever kiss a girl I'd always say no because of the people I was around, but to me, I actually quite liked that idea. Anyway enough rambling!

 

Last Monday, I was in a personal excellence class and our topic was sexuality. My teacher then went on to say that we should all feel comfortable and I truly was (well as comfortable as I could be) but then she started writing all the disgusting derogatory insults she knew under the title gay and only the word 'normal' under straight. Then she asked the whole class if they had anything else to add and I don't think I've ever heard the word 'faggot' used more than 10 times a second. Girls were laughing and making fun of each other, calling others the horrible insults, and I wanted to die in the seat right then and there.

 

Oh no, it doesn't stop there.

Our next activity was dividing the class up into different groups - the 'straight' group and the 'lesbian' group (i was in the lesbian group). We then had to do a 10 question questionnaire on stuff like 'Can I bring my date to formal'' or 'Would my parents accept me if I brought this person home'' and then after we had to stand up while my teacher read off numbers 1-10. We had to sit down when we hit our final score on the questionnaire. When she read off the number 8, I was the only one in the class to sit down and it was my worst mistake. Everybody looked at me with their beady eyes as my teacher gave me a judgemental glare and I heard someone say 'Is she really gay? What the fuck''. My face felt like a volcano and I have never felt so unwelcomed and judged by my peers. Next, a girl who I consider a good friend, said 'Wow! First, one to sit down hey, guess we all know what that means.' I wanted to cry and run out of the classroom but I wasn't allowed to leave. I had to sit through the next 20 minutes listening to how everyone doesn't think they're homophobic until someone actually outs themselves without crying.

 

I have been at school with these girls for multiple years and my one biggest fear of getting judged came to life. How do I get over it when in school being gay is like social suicide ?

[Monsoon]

Hey Jamie,

 

Thanks for coming to us with this. We are here to help and you are not alone

 

Sorry to hear that you had to deal with such a thing. How are you feeling?

 

Being gay in high school is quite a tough experience and I've had to deal with myself. There are many reasons as to why homophobia tends to be more common in younger people and in schools especially. It can be that they are just following their friends who may say homophobic things. It could also be that they have grown up in an environment where homophobia is normal, so they also display homophobic tendencies. Another reason is that the lack of maturity prevents them from treating people who are gay respectfully. It is important to remember these reasons when coming out in school. It is also important to be patient with these people as they may eventually come round to the idea. Once they have something new to focus on, it is likely that the attention will be taken off you.

 

I understand your fear of being judged. More often than not, the only way to get rid of the fear of doing something is by actually doing it. I know it's easier said than done, but it may be the only way for you to ever get over your fear.

 

Have you thought about coming out to your parents yet? Also, did the teacher do anything to make the situation better?

 

I hope you find this advice useful - I look forward to hearing back from you

 

Hang in there -Monsoon

[Karou]

Wow, that sounds really awful - so sorry you had to go through that. Did the teacher challenge your classmates at all, or make them see that what they were saying was wrong?? It sounds like the lesson was maybe intended from a good place, but that it backfired pretty hard! Did your teacher talk to any of you about it afterwards??

 

It's so hard working out stuff like sexuality in an environment which is judgemental and unsupportive, but honestly - there are sooo many amazing supportive people around if you find the right places (here on community for starters!), and you can always chat to people on here about it.

 

There are also loads of inspirational famous gay women too - Kate McKinnon, Ruby Rose, Samira Wiley (love her!!), Ellen DeGeneres, Ellen Page, etc- being gay doesn't have to be social suicide - maybe start by doing something like introducing your friends to a good tv programme with awesome gay characters (Orange is the New Black, Jessica Jones, Pretty Little Liars, etc) then they'll start to see that actually being gay isn't something to laugh at, it's actually just normal! Good luck - and there's loads of us here on community if you ever need to chat