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Goldfish
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Hello, I'm still figuring out my whole name situation, but you can call me Elliot for now .-. I use he/him pronouns, and I identify as, um, a lot of things. I'm technically boyflux which just means my gender fluctuates between male and nonbinary, though on rare occasions it will sometimes reach all the way down to demigirl. Even though that's my technical gender identity, I usually just say a trans guy because it makes things easier and doesn't complicate things too much :) Also I'm not actually new here, I've been here under two different usernames before in the past when I was a baby LGBTQ+ member. Anywayyy, I'm bisexual and gray-cupioromantic (that just means that I want to be in a romantic relationship but I'm rarely romantically attracted to people). Umm so yeah, that's me :-] Not that exciting as this entire thing is basically a ploy in which I'm hoping that someone knows how to get free ice cream on the hour ت

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Hello and welcome!! 

I can totally relate with the pronouns, I'm genderfluid, usually female or nonbinary, but sometimes male. When I'm in LGBTQIA2s+ safe spaces, I used color-coded bands around my wrist to let people know my pronouns, but most of the time, since I live in an extremely homophobic town, I just let everyone call me by she/her. 😐 In online spaces like DTL, I go by she/they because it's easier than updating my profile every single day.

Unfortunately, I do not have free ice cream. Let's compromise: 🍦🍦🍦🍨🍦🍦🍦🍨🍦🍦🍦🍨🍦🍦🍦🍨🍦🍦🍦🍨🍦🍦🍦🍨🍦🍦🍦🍨🍦🍦🍦🍨🍦🍦🍦🍨🍦🍦🍦🍨

Have a great day! 😃

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Hellllooooo! I also love ice cream!!!!!!!!!! And if you do find a way to get free ice cream on the hour, you must tell me so I can get some too! I'm new to this, and I don't really know how to work things on this website yet, so I hope this actually responds to your post and not one of the comments. Have a nice day! :D

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  • Digital Mentor
13 hours ago, Goldfish said:

Hello, I'm still figuring out my whole name situation, but you can call me Elliot for now .-. I use he/him pronouns, and I identify as, um, a lot of things. I'm technically boyflux which just means my gender fluctuates between male and nonbinary, though on rare occasions it will sometimes reach all the way down to demigirl. Even though that's my technical gender identity, I usually just say a trans guy because it makes things easier and doesn't complicate things too much :) Also I'm not actually new here, I've been here under two different usernames before in the past when I was a baby LGBTQ+ member. Anywayyy, I'm bisexual and gray-cupioromantic (that just means that I want to be in a romantic relationship but I'm rarely romantically attracted to people). Umm so yeah, that's me :-] Not that exciting as this entire thing is basically a ploy in which I'm hoping that someone knows how to get free ice cream on the hour ت

Hi @Goldfish, it's lovely to have you back 😀. I'm Aurora, I'm one of the support mentors here. I'm not sure if we've met before - I joined the team in June this year. Is there anything in particular you would like support with or are you good for now? 

Also, yes please to free ice cream! Hopefully someone knows how we can get some 🍦🍨. I'm pretty sure Ben and Jerry's have a free cone day but only once a year and not until March I think...

 

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20 hours ago, Goldfish said:

Hello, I'm still figuring out my whole name situation, but you can call me Elliot for now .-. I use he/him pronouns, and I identify as, um, a lot of things. I'm technically boyflux which just means my gender fluctuates between male and nonbinary, though on rare occasions it will sometimes reach all the way down to demigirl. Even though that's my technical gender identity, I usually just say a trans guy because it makes things easier and doesn't complicate things too much :) Also I'm not actually new here, I've been here under two different usernames before in the past when I was a baby LGBTQ+ member. Anywayyy, I'm bisexual and gray-cupioromantic (that just means that I want to be in a romantic relationship but I'm rarely romantically attracted to people). Umm so yeah, that's me :-] Not that exciting as this entire thing is basically a ploy in which I'm hoping that someone knows how to get free ice cream on the hour ت

Hey Elliot lovely to meet you 

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22 hours ago, Dewdrop said:

Hello and welcome!! 

I can totally relate with the pronouns, I'm genderfluid, usually female or nonbinary, but sometimes male. When I'm in LGBTQIA2s+ safe spaces, I used color-coded bands around my wrist to let people know my pronouns, but most of the time, since I live in an extremely homophobic town, I just let everyone call me by she/her. 😐 In online spaces like DTL, I go by she/they because it's easier than updating my profile every single day.

Unfortunately, I do not have free ice cream. Let's compromise: 🍦🍦🍦🍨🍦🍦🍦🍨🍦🍦🍦🍨🍦🍦🍦🍨🍦🍦🍦🍨🍦🍦🍦🍨🍦🍦🍦🍨🍦🍦🍦🍨🍦🍦🍦🍨🍦🍦🍦🍨

Have a great day! 😃

Hello @Dewdrop :) At least I’ve finally found another person to relate to with the gender shifting thing, it can kinda suck sometimes :/ I much appreciate the ice cream though (it was delicious :P) I also live in a very transphobic republican town area so I’ve been closeted for about a year now; hiding it sucks but at least it’s better than having to deal with everything that would happen if I did come out rn :| Well that was depressing :) Have a nice day !! 😊

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21 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

Hellllooooo! I also love ice cream!!!!!!!!!! And if you do find a way to get free ice cream on the hour, you must tell me so I can get some too! I'm new to this, and I don't really know how to work things on this website yet, so I hope this actually responds to your post and not one of the comments. Have a nice day! :D

Hi Madeleine!!! As soon as I figure out this ice cream dilemma, you’ll be the first to know :)) And this website can be a little overwhelming at first, but don’t worry, you’ll figure it out eventually and soon you’ll know nearly everyone’s usernames, pronouns, and favorite ice cream flavor by heart ❤️

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9 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi @Goldfish, it's lovely to have you back 😀. I'm Aurora, I'm one of the support mentors here. I'm not sure if we've met before - I joined the team in June this year. Is there anything in particular you would like support with or are you good for now? 

Also, yes please to free ice cream! Hopefully someone knows how we can get some 🍦🍨. I'm pretty sure Ben and Jerry's have a free cone day but only once a year and not until March I think...

Hello @Aurora, I actually do think we may have met before :) Right now I’m just trying to figure out the whole coming out situation. I’m emotionally ready, I want to, and I’m 95% sure my parents would be supportive but there’s still something holding me back and I can’t figure it out :( I think it might be just knowing that once I come out, there’s no going back :| On that note, I will be emailing Ben and Jerry very soon about this ice cream predicament…

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1 hour ago, Goldfish said:

Hello @Dewdrop :) At least I’ve finally found another person to relate to with the gender shifting thing, it can kinda suck sometimes :/ I much appreciate the ice cream though (it was delicious :P) I also live in a very transphobic republican town area so I’ve been closeted for about a year now; hiding it sucks but at least it’s better than having to deal with everything that would happen if I did come out rn :| Well that was depressing :) Have a nice day !! 😊

Hi @Goldfish!

I'm glad that we can relate with gender-shifting. I've only met one other person who was genderfluid, and then later they figured out that they were actually nonbinary. Having everyone call me she/her is frustrating. I realized I was genderfluid about 6 months ago, shortly after realizing I was lesbian. I don't think I'll come out to any of my family and friends, because it was enough of a hassle to come out as lesbian, and I'm not ready to deal with that again. Being openly lesbian is pretty great because it feels like I'm being seen as who I am, but at the same time there's a lot of hate speech directed at me in school. For me, it feels freeing for I myself to realize that my gender fluctuates, so there's kind of no need to tell anybody else. 

Here's some more ice cream:                      🍦🍦                              🍦🍦

                                                       🍦                                                                          🍦

                                                          🍦                                                                 🍦

                                                                  🍦                                                🍦

                                                                            🍦     🍦     🍦     🍦

 

(It's supposed to be a smile... I think I failed haha.)

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  • Digital Mentor
13 hours ago, Goldfish said:

Hello @Aurora, I actually do think we may have met before :) Right now I’m just trying to figure out the whole coming out situation. I’m emotionally ready, I want to, and I’m 95% sure my parents would be supportive but there’s still something holding me back and I can’t figure it out :( I think it might be just knowing that once I come out, there’s no going back :| On that note, I will be emailing Ben and Jerry very soon about this ice cream predicament…

Yes please! I am in favour of having at least one free cone day a week! I have to admit, Ben and Jerry's is one of my fav 🍦

From what you are saying it sounds like you feel ready to come out, is  that right? I just wanted to reassure you, that it is totally normal to feel reluctant and maybe even a little scared to come out, even if you're sure your parents will be supportive. Like you said, often if's knowing that things will  be different, that holds us back. And I think it's only natural to feel like this. However, it might be helpful to remind yourself that once you've come out to your parents you get to live your life authentically and that can be a really liberating feeling. What do you think?

What might help as well, is if you think a bit more about how you might want to tell your parents. For example, do you want to tell both of them at the same time or would you feel more comfortable, telling one of them first? Also, is there anyone else in your family who you've come out to already? It might be that you would find it helpful for them to be there when you tell your parents so they can support you. And please know that we are here for you to support you along the way, if you like 🙂

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On 10/25/2022 at 7:09 AM, Aurora said:

Yes please! I am in favour of having at least one free cone day a week! I have to admit, Ben and Jerry's is one of my fav 🍦

From what you are saying it sounds like you feel ready to come out, is  that right? I just wanted to reassure you, that it is totally normal to feel reluctant and maybe even a little scared to come out, even if you're sure your parents will be supportive. Like you said, often if's knowing that things will  be different, that holds us back. And I think it's only natural to feel like this. However, it might be helpful to remind yourself that once you've come out to your parents you get to live your life authentically and that can be a really liberating feeling. What do you think?

What might help as well, is if you think a bit more about how you might want to tell your parents. For example, do you want to tell both of them at the same time or would you feel more comfortable, telling one of them first? Also, is there anyone else in your family who you've come out to already? It might be that you would find it helpful for them to be there when you tell your parents so they can support you. And please know that we are here for you to support you along the way, if you like 🙂

I’m emotionally ready and I want to, but my family is also going through a lot of big changes right now because we just took guardianship of my cousin who lived out of state because her situation at home wasn’t, umm, sunshine and rainbows. My mom is stressed a lot of the time and I don’t want to make that worse. Also, I don’t want my parents to think that I’m saying this just because I want attention directed towards me instead of my cousin. But through all of this, my dysphoria has gotten pretty bad since I’m not out to anyone so there’s nobody that ever calls me by my chosen name or pronouns. But circling back, I am ready, I just don’t want to make things hard for my family and friends .-.

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I’m emotionally ready and I want to, but my family is also going through a lot of big changes right now because we just took guardianship of my cousin who lived out of state because her situation at home wasn’t, umm, sunshine and rainbows. My mom is stressed a lot of the time and I don’t want to make that worse. Also, I don’t want my parents to think that I’m saying this just because I want attention directed towards me instead of my cousin. But through all of this, my dysphoria has gotten pretty bad since I’m not out to anyone so there’s nobody that ever calls me by my chosen name or pronouns. But circling back, I am ready, I just don’t want to make things hard for my family and friends .-.

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  • Digital Mentor
On 10/28/2022 at 6:59 PM, Goldfish said:

I’m emotionally ready and I want to, but my family is also going through a lot of big changes right now because we just took guardianship of my cousin who lived out of state because her situation at home wasn’t, umm, sunshine and rainbows. My mom is stressed a lot of the time and I don’t want to make that worse. Also, I don’t want my parents to think that I’m saying this just because I want attention directed towards me instead of my cousin. But through all of this, my dysphoria has gotten pretty bad since I’m not out to anyone so there’s nobody that ever calls me by my chosen name or pronouns. But circling back, I am ready, I just don’t want to make things hard for my family and friends .-.

Hi there, I'm sorry it's taken me a while to get back to you. I've been away. Thank you for explaining your situation a bit more. It sounds like you are a very thoughtful person and you clearly care about your family a lot. They are very lucky to have you 🙂.

It is important that you think about your own emotional wellbeing though and it's totally understandable that you're struggling if no one is calling you by your chosen name or pronouns. Even if your mom is feeling stressed herself, I'm would imagine she would probably still like to know when you're struggling and be there for you. What do you think?

I do get your point about timing as you don't want your parents to think that you are doing this for attention. I'm wondering whether it might be a good idea to speak to one person in your family first? Is there someone in particular, who you think would understand and support you and who wouldn't think that you are doing this for attention? And then, when the time feels right, they might be able to support you, when you tell the rest of the family. What do you think? 

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I took your advice and told my mom :) I believe she said, “Male, female, you could be a gargoyle and I’d still love you.” She did keep mentioning how “hormones are crazy” at my age, so there is a chance she’s hoping I’ll grow out of this. But I think once she realizes I’m not just going to suddenly become a girl, she’ll adjust pretty quickly. I’m trying to figure out how to tell my dad now, though. Wish me luck on that one :)

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6 minutes ago, Goldfish said:

I took your advice and told my mom :) I believe she said, “Male, female, you could be a gargoyle and I’d still love you.” She did keep mentioning how “hormones are crazy” at my age, so there is a chance she’s hoping I’ll grow out of this. But I think once she realizes I’m not just going to suddenly become a girl, she’ll adjust pretty quickly. I’m trying to figure out how to tell my dad now, though. Wish me luck on that one :)

I'm glad your mom would still love you either way! Do u know if ur dad is alright with that stuff? If so goodluck! ^^

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20 hours ago, Goldfish said:

I took your advice and told my mom :) I believe she said, “Male, female, you could be a gargoyle and I’d still love you.” She did keep mentioning how “hormones are crazy” at my age, so there is a chance she’s hoping I’ll grow out of this. But I think once she realizes I’m not just going to suddenly become a girl, she’ll adjust pretty quickly. I’m trying to figure out how to tell my dad now, though. Wish me luck on that one :)

That's good news!

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On 11/2/2022 at 11:46 AM, Goldfish said:

I took your advice and told my mom :) I believe she said, “Male, female, you could be a gargoyle and I’d still love you.” She did keep mentioning how “hormones are crazy” at my age, so there is a chance she’s hoping I’ll grow out of this. But I think once she realizes I’m not just going to suddenly become a girl, she’ll adjust pretty quickly. I’m trying to figure out how to tell my dad now, though. Wish me luck on that one :)

Good luck!!! I'm so happy for you!!! 🥳😃

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  • Digital Mentor
On 11/2/2022 at 5:46 PM, Goldfish said:

I took your advice and told my mom :) I believe she said, “Male, female, you could be a gargoyle and I’d still love you.” She did keep mentioning how “hormones are crazy” at my age, so there is a chance she’s hoping I’ll grow out of this. But I think once she realizes I’m not just going to suddenly become a girl, she’ll adjust pretty quickly. I’m trying to figure out how to tell my dad now, though. Wish me luck on that one :)

Congratulations on coming out to your mom!! It sounds like it went really well. I'm so happy for you 😀! Have you thought a bit more about how to tell your Dad? 

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14 hours ago, Aurora said:

Congratulations on coming out to your mom!! It sounds like it went really well. I'm so happy for you 😀! Have you thought a bit more about how to tell your Dad? 

My mom offered to tell my dad for me if that would make me more comfortable, and I think I may take her up on that offer. Since, you know, I'm a trans guy, I think I seek my dad's approval most of all so having her tell him may relieve a bit of stress from my life. Of course, I'm open to questions from either of them :)

On a different note, like 20 minutes ago, I texted my best friend and mentioned how I felt like our relationship was slipping. (Note - he struggles with a lot of depression and anxiety and I do everything I can to support him (also I came out to him a couple weeks ago)) I asked if something was wrong and he said no at first, until after a couple "are you sure ?"s from me, he finally said that there was something but he couldn't tell me because he didn't want me to feel hurt by it. I told him I could handle it, and after a little more pushing he finally told me. He said that me coming out had wrecked him. He said he was proud of me and he supports me, but it just really messed him up and he felt guilty about it. I was a bit surprised because he had treated me as though nothing had changed. I wasn't hurt by it or anything though, I was actually happy he had opened up to me since he'd been kind of ghosting me (and now I know why). I told him that that was totally okay and we talked for a little bit, and then at the end I just told him that he could ask me any questions he wanted to about me being trans. He asked if my sexuality was still the same, what it was like, etc. After everything, I asked him if he felt any better about things, and he said a little bit. I told him that it had taken me nearly 8 months to come to terms with it all myself, and he said that was reassuring. He thanked me for talking so freely and I told him I'd be happy to any time if he needed me. Well, anyways, there's a look into my life... Do you think I handled that well? :)

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  • Digital Mentor
On 11/9/2022 at 4:02 AM, Goldfish said:

My mom offered to tell my dad for me if that would make me more comfortable, and I think I may take her up on that offer. Since, you know, I'm a trans guy, I think I seek my dad's approval most of all so having her tell him may relieve a bit of stress from my life. Of course, I'm open to questions from either of them :)

On a different note, like 20 minutes ago, I texted my best friend and mentioned how I felt like our relationship was slipping. (Note - he struggles with a lot of depression and anxiety and I do everything I can to support him (also I came out to him a couple weeks ago)) I asked if something was wrong and he said no at first, until after a couple "are you sure ?"s from me, he finally said that there was something but he couldn't tell me because he didn't want me to feel hurt by it. I told him I could handle it, and after a little more pushing he finally told me. He said that me coming out had wrecked him. He said he was proud of me and he supports me, but it just really messed him up and he felt guilty about it. I was a bit surprised because he had treated me as though nothing had changed. I wasn't hurt by it or anything though, I was actually happy he had opened up to me since he'd been kind of ghosting me (and now I know why). I told him that that was totally okay and we talked for a little bit, and then at the end I just told him that he could ask me any questions he wanted to about me being trans. He asked if my sexuality was still the same, what it was like, etc. After everything, I asked him if he felt any better about things, and he said a little bit. I told him that it had taken me nearly 8 months to come to terms with it all myself, and he said that was reassuring. He thanked me for talking so freely and I told him I'd be happy to any time if he needed me. Well, anyways, there's a look into my life... Do you think I handled that well? :)

Wow, I think you handled that brilliantly! Thank you so much for sharing. You noticed there was something wrong, you spoke to your friend about it and you did it in a way that he felt comfortable to open up to you. Rather than getting upset by how he felt, after you came out to him, you instead acknowledged his feelings and told him that it takes time to process this. That sounds like a really insightful and positive way to handle this. How do you think you handled this and how are things with your friend now? 

It's great to hear your mom has offered to tell your Dad. It sounds like she is being really supportive. Do you mind me asking, if you've decided on taking her up on that offer? 

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Things with my friend are okay, sometimes I really don’t know how to support him because even though we both understand each other, he finds comfort in different things than I do, and he’s very hot and cold some of the time. I try and he says he appreciates me but sometimes I feel like I don’t do enough for him.

And yes, I’ve decided to take my mom up on the offer, but I haven’t actually told her I’ve decided that yet :/

Anyways, have a great day :)))

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