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I need some friendship advice.


Madeleine_357

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So I had a guy friend. We were in the same class for our last year at our elementary school. We live on the same street, he's a few houses down. His mom waves to me every time I see her, and called me pretty multiple times during the last school year. This September we started high school, and now he doesn't talk to me. I see him in the hallways sometimes, and his locker is close to mine, but for some reason I never wave or say hi, and he doesn't either. On my birthday a week or so ago, he stopped and looked at himself in the mirror on my locker door, but when I turned around to see who it was, he walked away laughing. I am so confused. He acts like he doesn't see me, and now I act like I don't see him, and I don't know why. Every time I want to say hello, I freeze up and don't say anything, and walk past without looking up instead. I'm questioning whether we were actually friends or not in the first place, since we were never really super close. I'm also really insecure when I see him around other girls since I think it's something about me specifically that he avoids, when he talks to all these other girls who he's never met before. (that may sound weird but it's the truth.)Β  I have no idea what to do. I really miss him, but I am scared he either doesn't want to be friends, or we were never friends in the first place.

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17 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

So I had a guy friend. We were in the same class for our last year at our elementary school. We live on the same street, he's a few houses down. His mom waves to me every time I see her, and called me pretty multiple times during the last school year. This September we started high school, and now he doesn't talk to me. I see him in the hallways sometimes, and his locker is close to mine, but for some reason I never wave or say hi, and he doesn't either. On my birthday a week or so ago, he stopped and looked at himself in the mirror on my locker door, but when I turned around to see who it was, he walked away laughing. I am so confused. He acts like he doesn't see me, and now I act like I don't see him, and I don't know why. Every time I want to say hello, I freeze up and don't say anything, and walk past without looking up instead. I'm questioning whether we were actually friends or not in the first place, since we were never really super close. I'm also really insecure when I see him around other girls since I think it's something about me specifically that he avoids, when he talks to all these other girls who he's never met before. (that may sound weird but it's the truth.)Β  I have no idea what to do. I really miss him, but I am scared he either doesn't want to be friends, or we were never friends in the first place.

Hey @Madeleine_357Β I'm Blondie, one of the support mentors here.

I'm so glad you've opened up about this and I can completely relate as a similar things happened to me when I moved up to high school. Sometimes when we move up in schools there is an almost unspoken shift in behaviour where friendships can become awkward. Nothing needs to have happened at all and it's actually (an annoying) but common part of friendships.

As we move through the school system sometimes people almost want to 'reinvent' themselves to either fit in or stand out. A sometime side effect of this is friendships can be affected. I think it's highly unlikely that you've done anything wrong but can understand why it would make you feel insecure, almost as if as you say, were we ever friends?Β 

In truth, you were friends and what you had was valid but sometimes friendships can just fizzle out.Β 

Something to consider might be: I know that you miss him which is natural but how valuable do you think the friendship is to you, so, would you want to rekindle it? If so, there are a few things you can do which I'm happy to go through with you.

What do you think?

Β 

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Hi @Madeleine_357

welcome to DTL!!

When he does something like this again I would call him out and say something like

"hey why are you doin that" or something like that. I know that you freeze up and that is totally relatable but if you want to know why he is doing this and possibly make him stop you need to do this

I hope this helps sending some confidence!!

@sflowergirl

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8 hours ago, Blondie said:

Hey @Madeleine_357Β I'm Blondie, one of the support mentors here.

I'm so glad you've opened up about this and I can completely relate as a similar things happened to me when I moved up to high school. Sometimes when we move up in schools there is an almost unspoken shift in behaviour where friendships can become awkward. Nothing needs to have happened at all and it's actually (an annoying) but common part of friendships.

As we move through the school system sometimes people almost want to 'reinvent' themselves to either fit in or stand out. A sometime side effect of this is friendships can be affected. I think it's highly unlikely that you've done anything wrong but can understand why it would make you feel insecure, almost as if as you say, were we ever friends?Β 

In truth, you were friends and what you had was valid but sometimes friendships can just fizzle out.Β 

Something to consider might be: I know that you miss him which is natural but how valuable do you think the friendship is to you, so, would you want to rekindle it? If so, there are a few things you can do which I'm happy to go through with you.

What do you think?

Well I did value our friendship, but there were a lot of complications to it. And when I say a lot, I mean A LOT. The whole grade 8 year was a mess of drama. I'm not really sure how I would describe it. I'll just say that when me and my other friend were mad at him because he was being, well my friend used the B word with a y at the end; and she confronted him and asked how he thought of us and he said "I think of you and (insert my name) as good friends." I questioned our relationship from the beginning because A. We were never really that close. B. It was always kinda awkward when it was just us C. He never really talked to me when our other friends weren't around. We literally had the same bus stop because we live a few houses down from each other and when we were at the bus stop he never talked to me. It was always either me starting a short awkward conversation, or we stood around and didn't say anything. I did genuinely care about him, and I still do. I did value whatever kind of friendship we had, but it's also a really messy relationship between us. I mean, if me explaining the whole thing would help you help me, I can it just might be a lot to read. Like I said, its VERY complicated.

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6 hours ago, sflowergirl said:

Hi @Madeleine_357

welcome to DTL!!

When he does something like this again I would call him out and say something like

"hey why are you doin that" or something like that. I know that you freeze up and that is totally relatable but if you want to know why he is doing this and possibly make him stop you need to do this

I hope this helps sending some confidence!!

@sflowergirl

Sorry if he does something like what? Ignore me?

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6 minutes ago, Madeleine_357 said:

Sorry if he does something like what? Ignore me?

NP if he does anything weird around you. Kinda just let him know that you are aware of the fact that he is doing this weird stuff.

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On 10/20/2022 at 9:02 PM, Madeleine_357 said:

Well I did value our friendship, but there were a lot of complications to it. And when I say a lot, I mean A LOT. The whole grade 8 year was a mess of drama. I'm not really sure how I would describe it. I'll just say that when me and my other friend were mad at him because he was being, well my friend used the B word with a y at the end; and she confronted him and asked how he thought of us and he said "I think of you and (insert my name) as good friends." I questioned our relationship from the beginning because A. We were never really that close. B. It was always kinda awkward when it was just us C. He never really talked to me when our other friends weren't around. We literally had the same bus stop because we live a few houses down from each other and when we were at the bus stop he never talked to me. It was always either me starting a short awkward conversation, or we stood around and didn't say anything. I did genuinely care about him, and I still do. I did value whatever kind of friendship we had, but it's also a really messy relationship between us. I mean, if me explaining the whole thing would help you help me, I can it just might be a lot to read. Like I said, its VERY complicated.

With friendships it's important that you know that you are deserving of respectful ones. It needs to be give and take, compromise etc. If you think that maybe it's not, maybe it's time that you let it go? Put your effort and time into your other friendships. It doesn’t mean you need to be mean or anything - just sort of pull back. What do you think? Β Β 

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23 hours ago, Blondie said:

With friendships it's important that you know that you are deserving of respectful ones. It needs to be give and take, compromise etc. If you think that maybe it's not, maybe it's time that you let it go? Put your every and time into your other friendships. It desk;t mean you need to be mean or anything - just sort of pull back. What do you think? Β Β 

We did have a good relationship, whatever that relationship may have been. I just don't know what to do to re-kindle it.

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23 hours ago, sflowergirl said:

NP if he does anything weird around you. Kinda just let him know that you are aware of the fact that he is doing this weird stuff.

Ok. Thanks for the advice. And it's also really complicated so it might not even just be that.

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Personally if you feel comfortable I think you should talk to him about it and agree on a time and a place where you both feel comfortable. Maybe even write down questions you want to ask if you get nervous or even message them to him. But I agree with some of the other responses that you should call him out on it. Even if he didn’t see you as close friends you still deserve to be respected.

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21 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

Ok. Thanks for the advice. And it's also really complicated so it might not even just be that.

I am so sry this is happening to you. cn I ask how old he is?

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3 hours ago, sflowergirl said:

I am so sry this is happening to you. cn I ask how old he is?

He's my age. I'm 14 but he's still 13. His birthdays not till next month.

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23 hours ago, Ani006 said:

Personally if you feel comfortable I think you should talk to him about it and agree on a time and a place where you both feel comfortable. Maybe even write down questions you want to ask if you get nervous or even message them to him. But I agree with some of the other responses that you should call him out on it. Even if he didn’t see you as close friends you still deserve to be respected.

Thanks. And it's not that he disrespected me, it's that its awkward around him for no reason at all. I'm just afraid if I call him out for ignoring me, that he'll think I'm too clingy.

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On 10/21/2022 at 8:30 PM, Madeleine_357 said:

We did have a good relationship, whatever that relationship may have been. I just don't know what to do to re-kindle it.

Hey there,

I'm wondering, could it be a good starting point to maybe try to reach out to him and talk? You could even do it online if face-to-face is too scary for now. What do you think?

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4 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I'm wondering, could it be a good starting point to maybe try to reach out to him and talk? You could even do it online if face-to-face is too scary for now. What do you think?

Yeah that might be a good idea. I did that like a week ago, but maybe I should do it more often. Thanks.

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Hey,

Yeah, I think it would be a good thing to try out. Would you like to see how it goes, and then if you like, you can let us know? No pressure though!

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On 10/22/2022 at 4:04 PM, Madeleine_357 said:

He's my age. I'm 14 but he's still 13. His birthdays not till next month.

ooo ok well I mean boys are kind of special at that age

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23 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Yeah, I think it would be a good thing to try out. Would you like to see how it goes, and then if you like, you can let us know? No pressure though!

Yeah sure! I'll text him right now.Β 

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20 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

Yeah sure! I'll text him right now.Β 

Hey,

I hope it went well! If you'd like to speak about it more, let us know :)Β 

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3 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

I hope it went well! If you'd like to speak about it more, let us know :)Β 

I said hello and then he said hi and then I said hru and he hasn't responded. This was yesterday. I guess I'll wait and see if he responds.

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1 hour ago, Madeleine_357 said:

I said hello and then he said hi and then I said hru and he hasn't responded. This was yesterday. I guess I'll wait and see if he responds.

hmm he responded that's good!

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11 hours ago, Madeleine_357 said:

I said hello and then he said hi and then I said hru and he hasn't responded. This was yesterday. I guess I'll wait and see if he responds.

Hey there,

Yeah, definitely wait it out and see if he replies, and if he doesn't, we can give you more advice if you like?

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