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I am questioning my sexuality and need help.


tinyavenger    

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I am a pre-teen girl who is questioning my sexuality. I am pretty sure I am not straight or lesbian, but I am not quite sure. But what I am most worried about is coming out.

 

I want to come out to my mother first, but I am not sure how. I have thought about writing her a note but I don't think that is the best plan. I don't want her to make a big deal out of it. She is pretty accepting of lgbt+, but it still makes me nervous.

 

Who I am most worried about is the rest of my family. They are very hardcore Christians and have negative outlooks on lgbt+. My cousin,who I am very close to, got in an argument with me about lgbt rights. He believes that gay people will go to hell and that they chose to be gay and sin (I don't think being gay is sinning). I am afraid of what he will think of me. I already asked him what he would think if I was lesbian/bi/pan/Omni, and he said he wouldn't hate me, but I don't know if he will want to be so close to me anymore. Also this concerns me about the rest of my cousins, aunts, and uncles, because they have the same strong Christian views as him.

 

I am also worried about my friends because I don't know their views on this matter.

 

I hope you have some advice! Thank you.

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So you said that you are pretty sure you're not straight, but you don't think you are a lesbian. Well maybe you are bisexual (or bicurious) which would mean you like boys and girls, or pansexual which would mean you can be attracted to anybody no matter what their gender is (binary/non binary).

 

Anyways I think that when you are ready, you should first come out to your mom since you say she is accepting of LGBTQ+ people. If you don't want to write her a note and if you have a phone you could send her a text, or if she asks you if there is somebody you like, you can say something like this, "Actually mom there is something I'd like to tell you." And then you could tell her your sexuality. I'm kinda dealing with something similar to you. I want to come out to my sister and I think she'll accept me, but I'm still so nervous.

 

Even though your cousin might not agree with people being lesbian/gay/bi, it doesn't mean that he won't love you anymore, or accept you just because you are. I think before coming out to him you should ask him if you guys would still be as close anymore if you were a lesbian/bi/pan, or ask him what he would do if one of his best friends told him they were gay/bi/lesbian. This might give you a feel for what he'd do if you came out to him.

 

So my parents are serious Christians and think being gay is a sin too, but since I live with them, I don't think I would tell them I'm a lesbian right now because if they kicked me out of the house I wouldn't be able to support myself. However, you said that it's your other cousins, aunts, and uncles that are Christians, so I think that if you aren't dependent on them you can come out to them but only if you want to and are comfortable doing that.

 

Also, you should ask your friends how they'd react if one of their friends came out to them (told them they were gay/bi/lesbian), to see whether or not they are accepting of LGBTG+ people.

 

I definitely think you should first come out to your mom and then maybe you could come out to your cousin. Just remember that anybody you tell might be shocked and confused at first, so they might not react as well as you thought they would. Give them some time to process what you just told them and hopefully they'll accept you for who you are. You were made this way for a reason and God loves you! :)

 

I hope that everything goes well with whatever you choose to do!

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Heyyy TINYAVENGER, It's great to hear from you ? we can definitely help with your situation. You're not alone in this ?

 

Do you have an idea as to what your sexuality might be? Realising this can often take a while, and it's important to be patient with finding this out. Learning about yourself is a life-long process, and by not focussing on trying to find out your sexuality straight away will make the journey easier and more enjoyable.

 

In regard to coming out to people, I found it easier to start with online friends, then friends in real life and then my family. This helped me to build up the courage and confidence needed to come out to them. But some people find it better to come out to those they are closest with first e.g. parents. I told my mum via text message as I was too nervous about doing it face-to-face. It's not the best way to do it in my opinion, but it definitely helps if you're too nervous.

 

Also, people who have negative attitudes towards LGBTQ+ because of religion often become more accepting once someone close to them comes out. This is often because they want to keep that person in their life, and this often requires changing their attitudes. With such people, it's important to be patient with them as they may react badly at first.

 

Here are some help guides you may find useful for your current situation:

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/8-things-know-questioning-sexuality/

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/coming-out-to-your-parents/

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/my-parents-didnt-react-well-to-me-coming-out/ - this content still applies to anyone in your life who reacted badly to you coming out, not just parents.

 

I hope this helps. Hoping to hear back from you soon.

 

-Monsoon :)

digital-mentor.png.37594766624d87064910e

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I think I might be pansexual, but I don't know because I have never met anyone with a non-binary gender identity so I do not know if I am attracted to all genders. However, since being pansexual means being gender-blind, I think I am pansexual.

 

I am very nervous about coming out to one of my best friends now as I have found out she thinks that lgbt+ people are weird. I am scared that she will judge me.

 

I think I will come out to my friends on National Coming Out Day. I plan to tell my mother before that.

 

I hope my cousin will be more accepting when I tell him.

 

Thank you for the advice'?

 

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Heyy

 

Thanks for your reply. I understand how nervous you are to come out - my dad used to make homophobic comments and this terrified me. But when I eventually came out, I realised that I had wasted so much time worrying about it and wish I would have done it sooner. I found it easier to come out over messages rather than face-to-face. This can help to kill your nerves if you don't want to do it in person.

 

Also, for those who aren't accepting, they often just need time to come round to the idea of your sexuality. Here is a help guide you may find useful:

 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/my-parents-didnt-react-well-to-me-coming-out/

 

The tips in this article don't just apply to your parents reacting badly.

 

Anyway, I hope you find all of this useful. Keep me updated on how it goes!. Positive vibes :) - Monsoon

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Heyy! That's a great idea. Maybe you could share the poem to help other people. I hope it goes well. Keep me updated!

 

-Monsoon :)

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  • 3 weeks later...

Hi guys my name is Kate. I feel the same way. I am lesbian and have no idea what to do. I am afraid my mom will tell people, I think my dad will treat me differently, my sister thinks I'm wacko, and I think I'll be bullied at school. I know a lot of people who have a crush on me and it is super awkward. I have no idea how to come out. Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

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Hey BlueGreen. I've just responded to your blog. I hope this provides you with the advice you need. Let me know if you need more and I will be here for you :)

 

-Monsoon

digital-mentor.png.37594766624d87064910e

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