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i’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 months now, he’s 15 while i am 14. i really love him and i think he loves me too. he’s been asking me to send him nudes now for around 3 or 4 weeks and he’s started saying he will break up with me if i don’t send him anything, whenever i see him in school he pretends like doesn’t know me because he says it’s embarrassing to have a girlfriend in year 9. when we are alone he’s overly affectionate and he does a lot of things that make me uncomfortable, for example he counts and kisses my old SH scars on my thighs and arms, on multiple occasions he’s told me to carve his name into my thighs with his pocket knife which made me highly uncomfortable since i have been clean from SH for almost 2 months and i’m not keen to break my streak, whenever i say no to doing the things he asks (like sending nudes or self-harming) he breaks down into tears and tells me if i don’t he’ll kill himself or break up with me. i have notified his parents if his suicidal thoughts and he is now on the waiting list for camhs which i’m happy about. he’s been saying that i’ve been gaining weight so i’ve started making myself sick and eating less because he says if i have a waist over 26 inches he will break up with me too, i don’t know what to do anymore because i want to make him happy but it’s also very stressful to do everything he requests 

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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Disordered Eating, Other, Self-Harm, Sex

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6 hours ago, luvluna said:

i’ve been with my boyfriend for 7 months now, he’s 15 while i am 14. i really love him and i think he loves me too. he’s been asking me to send him nudes now for around 3 or 4 weeks and he’s started saying he will break up with me if i don’t send him anything, whenever i see him in school he pretends like doesn’t know me because he says it’s embarrassing to have a girlfriend in year 9. when we are alone he’s overly affectionate and he does a lot of things that make me uncomfortable, for example he counts and kisses my old SH scars on my thighs and arms, on multiple occasions he’s told me to carve his name into my thighs with his pocket knife which made me highly uncomfortable since i have been clean from SH for almost 2 months and i’m not keen to break my streak, whenever i say no to doing the things he asks (like sending nudes or self-harming) he breaks down into tears and tells me if i don’t he’ll kill himself or break up with me. i have notified his parents if his suicidal thoughts and he is now on the waiting list for camhs which i’m happy about. he’s been saying that i’ve been gaining weight so i’ve started making myself sick and eating less because he says if i have a waist over 26 inches he will break up with me too, i don’t know what to do anymore because i want to make him happy but it’s also very stressful to do everything he requests 

Hey,

Welcome to the DTL community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice to those who reach out to us.

I'm glad to hear you told his parents about the suicidal thoughts as this shows how caring you are towards him despite the way he treats you. From what you've said, his behaviours sound really hurtful. The way that his actions are affecting your wellbeing shows how he is getting to you. What do you think? How do you feel about the relationship overall?

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12 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Welcome to the DTL community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice to those who reach out to us.

I'm glad to hear you told his parents about the suicidal thoughts as this shows how caring you are towards him despite the way he treats you. From what you've said, his behaviours sound really hurtful. The way that his actions are affecting your wellbeing shows how he is getting to you. What do you think? How do you feel about the relationship overall?

i’m not sure because i still love him very much because i have grown so attached to him, my friends have advised i break up with him but i’m scared if i do he will harm himself or me

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Hey there,

Just to give a different perspective, could it be that he is threatening you to do things by saying he will harm himself rather than actually having any intention of hurting himself if you don't? This isn't said in a way that invalidates his experiences, but blackmail like this can be a common feature in a relationship that has an unhealthy dynamic. Also, I'm wondering, how do you think your parents would react if they found out about how things are between you?

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18 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Just to give a different perspective, could it be that he is threatening you to do things by saying he will harm himself rather than actually having any intention of hurting himself if you don't? This isn't said in a way that invalidates his experiences, but blackmail like this can be a common feature in a relationship that has an unhealthy dynamic. Also, I'm wondering, how do you think your parents would react if they found out about how things are between you?

i’m not sure how they would react since i don’t have the best relationship with my parents. it doesn’t seem like blackmail to me as when he says it he cries to the point where he physically throws up

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Hey,

It sounds like he's going through some of his own stuff at the moment, and unfortunately, this may be showing in his harmful behaviours towards you. I'm wondering, overall, how do you feel about the way he treats you, and how do you think this impacts your life, such as your wellbeing and self-esteem?

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On 9/3/2022 at 6:08 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey,

It sounds like he's going through some of his own stuff at the moment, and unfortunately, this may be showing in his harmful behaviours towards you. I'm wondering, overall, how do you feel about the way he treats you, and how do you think this impacts your life, such as your wellbeing and self-esteem?

i don’t like the way he acts toward me, but i really do love him and i want him to be okay. it’s not great because he makes me feel so guilty when i see him cry and it makes me want to cry too, since i can’t make him happy/ give him what he wants

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13 hours ago, luvluna said:

i don’t like the way he acts toward me, but i really do love him and i want him to be okay. it’s not great because he makes me feel so guilty when i see him cry and it makes me want to cry too, since i can’t make him happy/ give him what he wants

Hey there,

Yeah, those feelings of guilt in a situation like this are completely normal. I'm wondering, would you like us to give our perspective about how we feel about the health of. your relationship with your boyfriend?

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6 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, those feelings of guilt in a situation like this are completely normal. I'm wondering, would you like us to give our perspective about how we feel about the health of. your relationship with your boyfriend?

i suppose it’s not very healthy but i really don’t want anything bad to happen to him if i decide to break up with him or he breaks up with me

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20 hours ago, luvluna said:

yeah

Thank you for sharing that with me. Can I ask, why is it you want to break up with him? Is it because of what you've already mentioned to us?

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3 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Thank you for sharing that with me. Can I ask, why is it you want to break up with him? Is it because of what you've already mentioned to us?

yeah but over the last few days it’s getting progressively worse, now he wants me to have sex with him as well as all the other things he’s already asked for

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1 hour ago, luvluna said:

yeah but over the last few days it’s getting progressively worse, now he wants me to have sex with him as well as all the other things he’s already asked for

Hey,

It's really important to not do anything you're uncomfortable with, and if he tries to blackmail you into doing something you don't want to do, tell an adult or us and we will be able to help you. What do you think?

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