Crush on nonbinary friend and I don't understand my sexuality... so confused

[stardreamer]

Hi I'm 16 and I'm a girl who has a crush on my non-binary friend (she/they pronouns)...and it's my first time crushing over someone who isn't a guy (but also i dont know if ive had a crush on guys?). I'm confused because this crush made me question if I like guys...or girls...or both...or neither?

I tend to find myself being nervous around more 'masculine' people but I am more comfortable around people with 'feminine' energy. Whenever I'm around my crush I feel this desire to kiss them and hold her hands and I never had that feeling with guys. I fantasize about dating/marrying them...and I've fantasized dating guys too. I can't really imagine myself kissing a guy tho but it's because I don't rlly talk to them. ALL of my friends are girls and I get really anxious around guys and avoid talking to them.

I was also thinking...I don't like these masculine/feminine labels or adjectives I used yo describe what I'm attracted to. I feel that this binary way of looking at people's traits makes me uncomfortable, but im trying to use it to understand my sexuality which is confusing me even more!! 

Edited August 24, 2022 by stardreamer
clarification

[Monsoon]

On 8/24/2022 at 2:56 AM, stardreamer said:

Hi I'm 16 and I'm a girl who has a crush on my non-binary friend (she/they pronouns)...and it's my first time crushing over someone who isn't a guy (but also i dont know if ive had a crush on guys?). I'm confused because this crush made me question if I like guys...or girls...or both...or neither?

I tend to find myself being nervous around more 'masculine' people but I am more comfortable around people with 'feminine' energy. Whenever I'm around my crush I feel this desire to kiss them and hold her hands and I never had that feeling with guys. I fantasize about dating/marrying them...and I've fantasized dating guys too. I can't really imagine myself kissing a guy tho but it's because I don't rlly talk to them. ALL of my friends are girls and I get really anxious around guys and avoid talking to them.

I was also thinking...I don't like these masculine/feminine labels or adjectives I used yo describe what I'm attracted to. I feel that this binary way of looking at people's traits makes me uncomfortable, but im trying to use it to understand my sexuality which is confusing me even more!! 

Hey,

Welcome to the DTL community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice to those who reach out. 

I just want you to know that it's okay to question your sexuality, and although it doesn't make sense now, it won't always be like this, and with time, it will get better. I'm wondering, what do you think needs to happen to have more of an idea about your sexuality?

[stardreamer]

On 8/25/2022 at 3:54 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Welcome to the DTL community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice to those who reach out. 

I just want you to know that it's okay to question your sexuality, and although it doesn't make sense now, it won't always be like this, and with time, it will get better. I'm wondering, what do you think needs to happen to have more of an idea about your sexuality?

Idk...I maybe need to talk to ppl like my close friends who know and support me in hard times a lot. I only told two of them and I think talking it over might help me. I'm scared to tell my other friends and family bc idk if it is safe or if they'll judge me or see me differently 

[stardreamer]

One of my friends also said I shouldn't talk about it until I figure it out or people will think I'm unsure and confused. I think dating might help me figure it out too but I don't want to be in a relationship rn...

I am setting boundaries with myself when I talk to this friend (my crush) bc I don't want to fall for her even more I think partially bc I'm not comfortable with my own sexuality.

Edited August 27, 2022 by stardreamer

[Monsoon]

13 hours ago, stardreamer said:

Idk...I maybe need to talk to ppl like my close friends who know and support me in hard times a lot. I only told two of them and I think talking it over might help me. I'm scared to tell my other friends and family bc idk if it is safe or if they'll judge me or see me differently 

Hey there,

Can you tell me more about why you wonder if it's safe or not? What makes you think that? 

[stardreamer]

42 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Can you tell me more about why you wonder if it's safe or not? What makes you think that? 

Yea so my dad is very religious and openly homophobic. Also I grew up in church so a lot of my friends are from when I met them in church when I was younger (but I don't go anymore) and so they are quite religious too. 

[stardreamer]

I feel like they'll leave me...or my parents would disown me if they knew I was questioning if I am straight or not :/

[Monsoon]

17 hours ago, stardreamer said:

I feel like they'll leave me...or my parents would disown me if they knew I was questioning if I am straight or not :/

Hey there,

From what you've said, it sounds like coming out could put you in danger of being kicked out which would be a very unsafe situation for you. What do you think? By knowing this information, could it be better to wait until you've moved out and live independently before you tell them at all?

[stardreamer]

3 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

From what you've said, it sounds like coming out could put you in danger of being kicked out which would be a very unsafe situation for you. What do you think? By knowing this information, could it be better to wait until you've moved out and live independently before you tell them at all?

Yes that's true I think it is something I don't want to tell my parents at all I think.

[Monsoon]

On 8/28/2022 at 12:54 PM, stardreamer said:

Yes that's true I think it is something I don't want to tell my parents at all I think.

Hey,

I think that before you move out, it's important to find those pockets of joy where you feel you can be your authentic self if you know what I mean? I'm wondering, can you tell me about the last time you felt more authentic than you do now? What helped with that?