I don’t know how to tell my parents I’m Bisexual, Asexual, and Demi-Girl. I feel as if they would kick me out if I told them. Should I wait a couple of years????

[Delaney]

I’ve found this out a year a go and have been happy using these labels but the only thing is my parents don’t know… how do I tell them??? They act homophobic to my friends a lot. I have one friend who I thought was trans but turns out they were just Genderfluid and my mom was not comfortable with me going out places alone with them. Unless some that she knew that one of straight friends were going or some who she knew that parents of… help me find a way, I don’t want to hid it anymore.

[Daisie]

Hey @Delaney Welcome to the Community.

I am Daisie a Community Warden here on the Forums and I just wanted to send you a warm welcome, I wondered if you would like to talk things through with one of our Trained Digital Mentors? I will tag them in so you know who they are and so they can reach out. @Monsoon & @Aurora.

If you need anything in the meantime, please feel free to reach out!

[Aurora]

7 hours ago, Delaney said:

I’ve found this out a year a go and have been happy using these labels but the only thing is my parents don’t know… how do I tell them??? They act homophobic to my friends a lot. I have one friend who I thought was trans but turns out they were just Genderfluid and my mom was not comfortable with me going out places alone with them. Unless some that she knew that one of straight friends were going or some who she knew that parents of… help me find a way, I don’t want to hid it anymore.

Hi @Delaney, I just replied to your other post earlier. I'm sorry you're going through this at the moment. What a tough situation to be in. From what you're saying  it sounds like you would like to come out to your parents but you are unsure whether they will kick you out.  I can totally understand that you want to tell them and live authentically but your safety is the most important thing . I'm wondering what makes you think that they might kick you out? 

[Delaney]

I feel as if they would fine with me coming out as bisexual but if I got a girlfriend they would give me weird looks or not look at me like there own kid.  But because I’m asexual as well I feel as if they would freak out about this because I wouldn’t have kids of my own and just adopt. And they don’t understand most of this stuff in the LGBTQ+ because there new to it. But they always make rude comments about my friends, because I have one friend who is gender-fluid and they go by a different name not the name they where given at birth and my mom thinks it’s weird and tells me never to do that. And I try to tell her that they like us to use they/them pronouns but she doesn’t care and keeps us using she/her and it makes me feel weird to say they/them and she would even point it out. And when If I can out as Demi-girl they wouldn’t care and just would use she/her and not she/her/they/them and ignore how I feel about this. And I don’t know if I would even but comfortable with living in the toxic house hold if I did come out and they didn’t support me.

[Monsoon]

Hey,

That's a shame that your mom has made these kinds of comments and does not respect your friend's pronouns. How does it make you feel when she does that? Also, just for a bit of a different perspective, I think that for parents who struggle to accept LGBTQ+ identities, when it comes to their own children coming out, because of the strong parent-to-child love, it can lead to the parents becoming more open-minded and accepting. What do you think about that? 

[Delaney]

It would truly make me really happy if they come to be more open minded on the things they say around me. My grandma and mother about a day or two ago we’re having a conversation about the LGBTQ+ and it made me feel really uncomfortable to be and the middle of it and knowing that i’m apart of that lovely community and they don’t know and how there words really hurt. I believe my parents aren’t homophobic but are most definitely transphobic and sometimes I wish I could have short hair like a boys hair cut but I’m not trans and feel as if I would have to wait until I move out to do that. I just love the look of really short hair and my hair is always on my neck and i get really hot. But if I could come out and they would learn to accept me for who I am over time, that’s more then enough in life.

[Monsoon]

Hey,

I'm wondering, could you ask for a shorter haircut without having to come out? Also, do you think that they might become more accepting over time? 

[Delaney]

I might be able to ask for a short hair cut but they would be like, “are you being one of those wired trans kids??” So I would try my best to explain to them that my hair is so thick and it’s always on my neck and it’s hard to wash in the shower and all the other reasons and maybe they would understand that and like me do it. I support all trans people but I just really like the look of what like a boys hair cut. And I think they could come to be more accepting over time because this is who I I’m and you can’t change that. And because I have never dated anyone in my life, I could date a boy and not like it and just be lesbian or I could date a girl and not like it and just be straight. But being bisexual doesn’t mean you have to have dated both male and female to be bisexual. It just means you feel  attractive to 2 or more genders.

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Yeah, I think that's a really good reason to give so that you don't have to tell them anything else for now. How do you think you'll feel with that different hairstyle? Also, yeah, that's a great point about how you won't change, so by the very nature of that, they will see that you are being serious and living as your authentic self which will make you happy. Therefore, by seeing you happy, this should then encourage them to become more accepting. What do you think?

[Delaney]

If I was able to do what I want to my hair and ask my parents and get the hair cut I would feel more confident because I’m finding myself and have been for the past year. And yes it would make me very happy and proud of my parents to learn to be accepting. And if they ever had any questions about anything about the LGBTQ+ I would happily sit down and have a talk and tell them all about it and how it makes people happy.

[Blondie]

On 8/16/2022 at 4:47 PM, Delaney said:

If I was able to do what I want to my hair and ask my parents and get the hair cut I would feel more confident because I’m finding myself and have been for the past year. And yes it would make me very happy and proud of my parents to learn to be accepting. And if they ever had any questions about anything about the LGBTQ+ I would happily sit down and have a talk and tell them all about it and how it makes people happy.

Hi there, I'm Blondie, one of the other support mentors here - I hope you don't mind me jumping in? 

As Monsoon say, I can completely understand how this would make a difference. If you think it might be too big a change all at once for your parents, is this something you could do gradually?