bruh i'm losing my mind

[blueveronica]

i had a friend that i thought was my first ever real genuine friend and everything was going great and they were so excited about us getting to hang out in person during the summer but then when summer came everything changed. i started feeling like i was supporting them more than they were supporting me so i talked to them about it and they apologized for being so self centered and tried to make amends but then things have gone back to being bad. i reached out several times and i haven't gotten a response in a while. so many of my relationships have ended up like this and i don't understand why. i had a good friend who started leaving me on delivered for weeks at a time, i had a guy that ghosted me and didn't have the guts to tell me he wanted someone else, i had one who never initiated anything unless i did, and i had a friend a long time ago tell me she'd rather hang out with her "other friends." it's driving me insane. i don't understand what i'm doing wrong. it's taken me a lot of inner work to get the courage to communicate my needs and be honest about my feelings and i have yet to find someone who's willing to be as cooperative as me in a friendship. it makes me feel so frustrated that i'm 19 and i haven't found a friend who can actually do the work and stick around. that friend i mentioned in the beginning is one of my very few friends so losing them is irritating bc then i'd have to depend on my toxic mother for companionship. since i'm at home, i'm not able to just go out whenever or wherever so i'm pretty isolated. can anyone give me tips on how to deal with this whole situation?

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear about all of the times you have been let down. I think that when this happens a lot, it can be hard to not see yourself as the problem. However, I think from an outsider's perspective, I see it differently in that these people clearly weren't right for your life. You clearly have a lot to give, and communication is so key and when you find the right people, that skill will help your relationships so much. What do you think? Also, it sounds like you're dealing with it pretty well already; you're being open and seeking help. Would you agree?

[blueveronica]

thank you for your encouragement. i do feel more at peace than I thought I would even with all that is going on. i'm just wondering how i can cope if lonely feelings start to come up. 

[Monsoon]

11 hours ago, blueveronica said:

thank you for your encouragement. i do feel more at peace than I thought I would even with all that is going on. i'm just wondering how i can cope if lonely feelings start to come up. 

Yeah, you're doing well and you're definitely doing all of the right things. In terms of what you can do if the lonely feelings start to come up, could you maybe text or call someone you know well? Could that help? 

[blueveronica]

the problem is that i'm not really in contact with anyone else. i have a couple friends that i interact with occasionally on social media but that was the only friend i knew well that i was in contact with regularly. 

[Monsoon]

11 hours ago, blueveronica said:

the problem is that i'm not really in contact with anyone else. i have a couple friends that i interact with occasionally on social media but that was the only friend i knew well that i was in contact with regularly. 

Hey,

Could you maybe try interacting more with the ones you only speak to occasionally? Now might be a good opportunity to build relationships with them! 

[blueveronica]

Yes I will try. As a side problem, today a girl who kept leaving me on delivered for weeks at a time contacted me. I feel resentful that she was only in contact with me when it suited her. Should I even respond to her at all? 

[Monsoon]

Hey,

I think that if you do respond to her, it will be important to tell her how you feel. In terms of actually deciding whether to reply or not, I think you have to weight up the positives and negatives around starting that line of communication again. What do you think?

[blueveronica]

I think i'll take my time in responding and just tell her that I think we've grown apart and that I don't think we should continue our friendship. As for the friend I mentioned before, they texted me for the first time in more than a week today just to complain about their life and then they sent a "how are you?" at the end. I know they have ADHD so they're prone to forgetting things and may not be consistent but I think you should articulate what you can and can't do in a friendship instead of just leaving someone hanging. i can't really tell if this person actually cares about me and has a hard time decentering themself or is just interested in venting and sending a token "how are you" to look like they still care about me. 

[Monsoon]

12 hours ago, blueveronica said:

I think i'll take my time in responding and just tell her that I think we've grown apart and that I don't think we should continue our friendship. As for the friend I mentioned before, they texted me for the first time in more than a week today just to complain about their life and then they sent a "how are you?" at the end. I know they have ADHD so they're prone to forgetting things and may not be consistent but I think you should articulate what you can and can't do in a friendship instead of just leaving someone hanging. i can't really tell if this person actually cares about me and has a hard time decentering themself or is just interested in venting and sending a token "how are you" to look like they still care about me. 

Hey,

Yeah, I think it's hard to know what the reason behind your other friend's behaviour is, there could be so many. In situations like this, it's important to communicate what you would like to happen because the other person genuinely might not know. What do you think?