I can't decide what's wrong with me

[J-bear]

I have an issue. A pretty big one.  I don't know myself as well as I thought. I used to have such a keen understanding of my emotions but now, I don't. I don't know what I like or don't like. I don't know if I'm straight or bi. I don't know if Im depressed or if i'm just going through a faze, or if I'm really sad or really angry with the world and mainly myself. I don't know if I want to die, or if im just in a mood. I really don't know anymore.  And I'm scared. I'm scared because I can't tell the difference anymore between what's healthy and what isn't.  I wonder if I'm developing an eating disorder or if I've always ate like I do, I wonder if I hate people or just myself. I wonder what's wrong with me?  I've always had trouble sleeping, now Idk if it's just me or its getting worse. I've always been a sensitive person but I'm crying a lot more lately, and sometimes I don't even know why. I read a story about someone dying, and I mourned the loss of a dead person I didn't even know. I cried for a straight hour. My moods keep changing so much, now I'm wondering if i'm bipolar.  I really don't know what to call myself. Everyone, including therapists, have mentally evaluated me and swore im fine, my only mental health issue is anxiety, which they didn't give me medicine for, claiming I didn't need it. So, whats wrong with me? How can I go back to the time when I wasn't so confused and concerned and worried and stressed? How do I take my mind off this unpleasant crap? How do I stop CARING so much? If you were in my place, wwyd? I really need some good advice here. I'm so scared. I swear I seem to be screwing things in my life so bad lately and more than anything in the world, I just want to stop these constant confusing emotions. In other words, I wish I could shut off my humanity. I wish I could just stop feeling. I wanna be numb. What's wrong with me? If you felt this way wwyd? Can someone please give me some genuine advice here? Please don't tell me I'm the only one like this.

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Welcome to the DTL community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice to those who reach out. It sounds like you have a lot of big questions, and i'm wondering, to help things feel more manageable, which of these questions would you like to answer the most? Also, I saw what you said about not knowing if you want to die or not, so I just wanted to check, are you safe at the moment? 

[J-bear]

Hello, and thank you for the welcome!  And out of all the questions, I really just want to know, why am I so emotional, and so sensitive to negative topics all of a sudden. I feel like it's taking over my life. I just wanna know why? I guess really I'm asking is it a phase, and can I get over it?  And Oh, Yes I am safe, what I meant by that was I'm uncertain on the topic of death. I don't really know how I feel about it all, I think about it, not in a suicidal way but, in a way where, what if I got run over or sum by accident? Would it bother me if I died? Like I would never kill myself, but would it bother me if sum else killed me? I don't know if I'm still scared of dying or if I've become rather neutral to it.  I'm really sorry if I caused any concern or confusion.  

[urfavekpopstan !]

On 7/10/2022 at 8:06 PM, J-bear said:

I have an issue. A pretty big one.  I don't know myself as well as I thought. I used to have such a keen understanding of my emotions but now, I don't. I don't know what I like or don't like. I don't know if I'm straight or bi. I don't know if Im depressed or if i'm just going through a faze, or if I'm really sad or really angry with the world and mainly myself. I don't know if I want to die, or if im just in a mood. I really don't know anymore.  And I'm scared. I'm scared because I can't tell the difference anymore between what's healthy and what isn't.  I wonder if I'm developing an eating disorder or if I've always ate like I do, I wonder if I hate people or just myself. I wonder what's wrong with me?  I've always had trouble sleeping, now Idk if it's just me or its getting worse. I've always been a sensitive person but I'm crying a lot more lately, and sometimes I don't even know why. I read a story about someone dying, and I mourned the loss of a dead person I didn't even know. I cried for a straight hour. My moods keep changing so much, now I'm wondering if i'm bipolar.  I really don't know what to call myself. Everyone, including therapists, have mentally evaluated me and swore im fine, my only mental health issue is anxiety, which they didn't give me medicine for, claiming I didn't need it. So, whats wrong with me? How can I go back to the time when I wasn't so confused and concerned and worried and stressed? How do I take my mind off this unpleasant crap? How do I stop CARING so much? If you were in my place, wwyd? I really need some good advice here. I'm so scared. I swear I seem to be screwing things in my life so bad lately and more than anything in the world, I just want to stop these constant confusing emotions. In other words, I wish I could shut off my humanity. I wish I could just stop feeling. I wanna be numb. What's wrong with me? If you felt this way wwyd? Can someone please give me some genuine advice here? Please don't tell me I'm the only one like this.

Hey!

First, I want to let you know there is NOTHING wrong with you, I mean it. Do not let these thoughts take over you. I would like to say your sexuality is fluid, not a phase. It can change, you know yourself best and you can explore your sexuality-its okay :) I would say something like don't be really angry at yourself, but since I've been in your shoes in terms of being mad at myself, I can say it isn't easy. I would say focus on the good things about yourself and don't like the bad things overpower the good. Also, about our sleeping problem, I would recommend getting that checked out. About you crying a lot more lately-its okay to cry, we all cry and sometimes it helps so I recommend crying because it helps you control it. I would like to add, I have anxiety as well, but some people who have anxiety may be diagnosed with other problems because of their anxiety if that makes sense? I advise to talk to your psychologist about that. I would say to take your mind off of this crap, you should take small steps- for example start to talk to a trusted adult about these problems. About you caring- do you think you overly care? like paranoia? I understand how you feel there are so many times where I feel like I just want things to end, trust me you are so much more than that. You deserve so much better, like I said don't let these problems take over you :) there is nothing wrong with you. My main advice is talking to a physiologist for proper diagnoses. You are not the only one like this. I understand how you feel, it is tough. I am here for you- don't hesitate to ask anything, hope I helped :)