How do I convince my mom to let me keep my short hair?

[urfavekpopstan !]

Its been like 2 years since I had short hair , but like my parents did not have a problem with it because it was a "feminine" length. I honestly always hated having long hair and love the way short hair looks and so, I made a huge decision and I have always been convincing my mom for like short, short hair and she said no because I'm not a boy, a few months ago I cut it like SHORT I trimmed the sides and like actually cut it and my parents have been upset about it and everyday remind me on how pretty I used to look, though now I feel so much more confident, I don't know what to do because I'm in a situation where like my parents are forcing me to grow my hair out and I keep saying no because I HATE long hair with a passion, and like my aunt keeps telling me "if you love me, don't cut your hair" and stuff like that and everytime she sees me she has the same conversation with me about cutting my hair, she's treating me like I have some mental illness and telling me to "stay strong". I know my parents hate the way I look and how my hair looks, I told them to get used to it, because this is who I am. I don't think they are taking that as an answer. A month or two ago I tried to grow my hair out for my parents, but it didn't work. Every time I looked in the mirror, I felt like throwing up. When I talked to my "friends" about this, they claimed I was being overdramatic and it's just hair, they're just saying that because they don't have to go through it, they don't support me. Some of those people tell me I was gorgeous before I decided to cut my hair off, I appreciate honesty, but that is something I am not willing to do. I don't know how to deal with this and make my parents happy while having short hair, because to them it's a huge issue. They keep telling me they think people are influencing this on me. That is not the case because I literally wanted short hair as a kid. I also feel like I am extremely paranoid because when someone compliments my hair, I think they are lying because when I told my mom I am receiving so many complements, she said that they were backhanded compliments and people don't actually like my hair. I also hate being stared at in public, it's like my mom is embarrassed to be around me, and she said she was because she said "I look so conservative and you look weird" I know I do get looks because I don't present feminine, even though I do identify as a female. I know people judge me in public, especially people of my culture because not many girls in my area present masculine. I hate receiving looks, but I know I cannot change people's perspectives on me, which I am more aware of, I started dressing feminine when seeing family and family friends and I dress myself at school. But my hair kind of gives it away somehow? I don't know what to do!!

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

I think there's quite a bit to unpack here. I can imagine that it's really hurtful for you to repeatedly hear these negative messages from your family, and what your aunty said about how you should cut your hair if you love her is emotional blackmail which isn't healthy. I'm wondering, have you told your family how these comments make you feel in a calm, non-confrontational way? It sounds like the situation is quite emotionally charged for everyone, and it might take someone to express their perspective calmly to get things moving in the right direction again; what do you think? 

[urfavekpopstan !]

10 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I think there's quite a bit to unpack here. I can imagine that it's really hurtful for you to repeatedly hear these negative messages from your family, and what your aunty said about how you should cut your hair if you love her is emotional blackmail which isn't healthy. I'm wondering, have you told your family how these comments make you feel in a calm, non-confrontational way? It sounds like the situation is quite emotionally charged for everyone, and it might take someone to express their perspective calmly to get things moving in the right direction again; what do you think? 

Yeah, I have discussed it with them. But, all they expect is for me to change. I told my mom about the emotional blackmail thing, she thinks my aunt is doing it because she cares about me. BUT she is saying that if I cut my hair, I don't love her, which doesn't quite add up. She said she sees me like her daughter and said I have to change. She said "promise me you wont cut your hair" I don't make dumb promises, so I said I'll see, I'll try i guess and she was like "NO you wont try you have to do it" she is putting me in a position were it isn't a choice, it's a demand.

[Monsoon]

Yeah, the choice is totally unfair and I get that this puts you in a really uncomfortable position. You should be free to express yourself without people saying these kinds of things to you; they're so hurtful. Have you spoken with your aunt about the emotional blackmail part of it? Also, what do you think about your aunt doing it because she cares?

[urfavekpopstan !]

1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

Yeah, the choice is totally unfair and I get that this puts you in a really uncomfortable position. You should be free to express yourself without people saying these kinds of things to you; they're so hurtful. Have you spoken with your aunt about the emotional blackmail part of it? Also, what do you think about your aunt doing it because she cares?

My aunt is honestly really ignorant and she wont change her mind. The whole act of her "doing it because she cares" doesn't make any sense like I explained to her that I would be even more depressed if I grew it out and that it would have a extremely negative impact on my mental health. She said that's the whole problem and I have some kinda mental illness??

[Monsoon]

17 hours ago, mxhaxnaeem said:

My aunt is honestly really ignorant and she wont change her mind. The whole act of her "doing it because she cares" doesn't make any sense like I explained to her that I would be even more depressed if I grew it out and that it would have a extremely negative impact on my mental health. She said that's the whole problem and I have some kinda mental illness??

I can imagine that it was really unhelpful for you to hear that the problem is your mental health, and not her attitude. It's in human nature to be understood and accepted, and when we find ourselves in spaces where that isn't the case, it's important to explore where we can get that. I'm wondering, can you tell me about the most recent time you felt understood and accepted?

[urfavekpopstan !]

2 hours ago, Monsoon said:

I can imagine that it was really unhelpful for you to hear that the problem is your mental health, and not her attitude. It's in human nature to be understood and accepted, and when we find ourselves in spaces where that isn't the case, it's important to explore where we can get that. I'm wondering, can you tell me about the most recent time you felt understood and accepted?

Honestly, for the past couple of weeks, I haven't got much support, because I think its my fault for like cutting off everyone. I don't really care at this point?

[Monsoon]

Hey. I just want you to know that we are here for you, and you can get support from us. This might feel like a lonely time for you, but you aren't alone :)

Why do you think you've been cutting people off? 

[urfavekpopstan !]

5 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey. I just want you to know that we are here for you, and you can get support from us. This might feel like a lonely time for you, but you aren't alone :)

Why do you think you've been cutting people off? 

These people ruined my life. Like literally. I realized they don't care about me and so I decided to cut them off, and I hate being alone but hopefully I can get through this.

[Monsoon]

6 hours ago, mxhaxnaeem said:

These people ruined my life. Like literally. I realized they don't care about me and so I decided to cut them off, and I hate being alone but hopefully I can get through this.

Hey,

Yeah, it sounds like your life will be better without them, and although you feel alone now, you will eventually find your tribe with people who respect you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated; what do you think? Is there anything you can do to meet new people, like join some new clubs perhaps? 

[urfavekpopstan !]

6 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Yeah, it sounds like your life will be better without them, and although you feel alone now, you will eventually find your tribe with people who respect you and treat you the way you deserve to be treated; what do you think? Is there anything you can do to meet new people, like join some new clubs perhaps? 

Yeah, my plan is to do that when I get back to school. I am going to like completely start over friends wise, that might help.

[Monsoon]

1 hour ago, mxhaxnaeem said:

Yeah, my plan is to do that when I get back to school. I am going to like completely start over friends wise, that might help.

Definitely! That's a great idea. The more you put your authentic self out there, the more you'll attract people on your wavelength :)

Also, I just thought I'd check in with the issue you originally spoke about when you started this topic and see if you'd like anymore support with it? 

[urfavekpopstan !]

4 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Definitely! That's a great idea. The more you put your authentic self out there, the more you'll attract people on your wavelength :)

Also, I just thought I'd check in with the issue you originally spoke about when you started this topic and see if you'd like anymore support with it? 

I think it's going decent so far, my parents are slowly caring less, but that could change?

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Do you mean they are caring less about your hair, or more generally? 

[urfavekpopstan !]

18 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Do you mean they are caring less about your hair, or more generally? 

I think its just the hair? I don't know I haven't talked to them

[Monsoon]

3 hours ago, mxhaxnaeem said:

I think its just the hair? I don't know I haven't talked to them

Hey,

I just want you to know that I've sent you a private message. I hope to hear back from you soon. Take care.