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Super Lonely and no idea what to do about it


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I wake up with depression on my neck. It's always there. I grew up in a toxic environment. My Narcissistic father I don't speak to anymore treated me and my siblings like trash. My mom strict but loving did not step up to keep us from the abuse. I've made nothing but toxic friendships and realizing it now why. I have to let toxicity go. Anyone ever go through this? I feel like I'm the only one. There's no one I can call who actually gives a fuck. I need a shoulder literally to cry on. I so want to connections... but I have always felt like I'm different. Why am I always there for others but once I really need you... your no where to be found.

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  • Digital Mentor
2 hours ago, Beautiful Soul said:

I wake up with depression on my neck. It's always there. I grew up in a toxic environment. My Narcissistic father I don't speak to anymore treated me and my siblings like trash. My mom strict but loving did not step up to keep us from the abuse. I've made nothing but toxic friendships and realizing it now why. I have to let toxicity go. Anyone ever go through this? I feel like I'm the only one. There's no one I can call who actually gives a fuck. I need a shoulder literally to cry on. I so want to connections... but I have always felt like I'm different. Why am I always there for others but once I really need you... your no where to be found.

Thank you for joining the DTL community and being so open about your past. I just want you to know that we are all the shoulder you need to cry on, and you can connect with us here; this is a safe space and we have got your back. How does it feel for you to open up here about what's gone on for you previously? Also, can I check, are you now safe from abuse? 

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Thanks for this platform. I am now safe. I am just lost. I can go to work like clockwork. Wear my smile. Distract myself. But I don't know how to connect with others. I went through a horrendous relationship with my ex who reminded me so much of my father. Idk why I did that. I wake up feeling empty everyday. I can engage with everyone at work but I just feel like I'm here but my brain is always thinking about so many different pains I'm feeling at once. I must distract myself from it or I'll be in tears everyday. It's been 2 years of "healing" and it feels like just yesterday I was there. In the house with my Dad. In my hell hole with my ex.

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I'm glad to hear you're safe. i wonder, is there a chance that you've detached yourself in a way to cope with what's happening? What do you think about that? 

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  • Digital Mentor
9 hours ago, Beautiful Soul said:

Sometimes I think that's what is going on... I just don't know how to get through this. I want help... just don't know how to get there..  

Hey,

Yeah, if it is the case that you've detached to get through, I think the first step is to start gently confronting those feelings and talking about them. We cannot hide from our feelings, and they always come back around if we try to push them away.  By the way, I'm not saying that you're doing that, but it might be something to think about. What do you think?

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On 7/3/2022 at 2:11 PM, Beautiful Soul said:

I wake up with depression on my neck. It's always there. I grew up in a toxic environment. My Narcissistic father I don't speak to anymore treated me and my siblings like trash. My mom strict but loving did not step up to keep us from the abuse. I've made nothing but toxic friendships and realizing it now why. I have to let toxicity go. Anyone ever go through this? I feel like I'm the only one. There's no one I can call who actually gives a fuck. I need a shoulder literally to cry on. I so want to connections... but I have always felt like I'm different. Why am I always there for others but once I really need you... your no where to be found.

Hey!

I am so sorry that you had to deal with something like this. You don't deserve that, know we are always here for you. Also, everyone is different and unique in their own ways-plus you found us :)

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