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Should I come out or still fight to be a straight guy for God and for my family?


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Hi everyone! I am Dennis, 23 years old. I knew I am not a straight guy since then. And i kept this inside me, i decided not to tap or think about my gender issue so I don't get stressed out. However, growing up is not something I can control of, and so it always bother me always even I ain't think about it, as it just pop out through my mind. I love my family so much and I dont want to disappoint them but I thought I can be happy but I am wrong. It hurts me always.


I have talked to someone, my manager who happens to be a stranger once to me and to make it short, I felt she is someone I can talk to about this, she's like someone who wont judge me but will understand me.


She told me go find yourself, be happy. She advised me to find someone who can love you and will love you in return, by that chance you may be able to find the answer if you still want to be in the closet or you'll find your way out through that someone who can help you, who will lend you a shoulder when things go apart and if everyone will turn their back at me.


I want to give a try to my manager's advice. Or anyone in here who can help me get out in this situation please?

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Hey DENS7,


Thanks for coming to Community with this. We are here to help you and you are not alone J


Can I just ask to clarify, is the issue that you don't feel like a guy? I'd really like to understand so I can help you more.


I'm glad that you reached out to your manager. When I am going through issues, I always find it easier to talk to a stranger. Your manager has given you the best advice possible. Learning about yourself is a life-long process, and along the way, you will learn to love yourself.


In regard to not trying to think about it, although this idea is attractive, it won't solve any of the issues you are having. I have used this same method before, and when I finally confronted my issues, I can't believe I didn't do it sooner.


Let me know how that sounds so far.


Hang in there! ?Monsoon J



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Hello Dennis,


A few years ago, I was in your shoes. I am a lesbian [and I am now struggling with my gender identity and trying to figure out who I am once again] but I fought it for a long time because I was raised in a church that told me it was a sin to be who I am and I was worried that my family wouldn't accept me because of that. I struggled with it for a long time, but I feel like God wouldn't have made me this way if it was a sin, and so if I deny my true self, am I then not being true to God for denying who I really am?


When I was outted to my family, things for tough for a little while, but they took their time to learn about what I was dealing with and have come around to support me. While it's not always easy for them or for myself, they are trying and that's all I can ask.


The way I see it, you should embrace who you are and live as authentically as you can and are comfortable with. It will relieve you of some of your burdens and it will hopefully open you up to new and exciting adventures in your future.


Warmest regards,

The Writer

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You should come out if you feel gay; don't force yourself to be straight. However, come out in your own time, don't feel like you have to do it right away. God won't hate you for it, and if your family consists of decent, non-homophobic human beings, then they'll love and accept you for who you truly are, and that includes your sexuality. :) I hope this helps. I came out as bi recently and it was really awkward around my family and friends at first, but it got better. If anything, it just strengthened my relationships with them, and now I have a beautiful gf who I love. :)

~ Sophie

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