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Confused about my sexuality


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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Suicide

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I'm a 19 year old boy ,I've been dating girls my entire life and I've never had feelings for boys .I have this voice inside of me that is screaming "You're Gay " .So as of right now I hate myself for even feeling like this .I have a girlfriend who is very supportive ,I told her this and she's still by my side carrying me through such but I feel she will get tired because I've been fighting this voice for over 2 weeks now .I still love her and enjoy f*****g her .

I dont know if I'm possesed or what ??

I'm even at a point where I'm suicidal it isnot because I'm scared of what might happen if I told my parents about this but its because I've never seen and pictured myself as gay .

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  • Digital Mentor
3 minutes ago, Sbusiso said:

I'm a 19 year old boy ,I've been dating girls my entire life and I've never had feelings for boys .I have this voice inside of me that is screaming "You're Gay " .So as of right now I hate myself for even feeling like this .I have a girlfriend who is very supportive ,I told her this and she's still by my side carrying me through such but I feel she will get tired because I've been fighting this voice for over 2 weeks now .I still love her and enjoy f*****g her .

I dont know if I'm possesed or what ??

I'm even at a point where I'm suicidal it isnot because I'm scared of what might happen if I told my parents about this but its because I've never seen and pictured myself as gay .

Hi there, I'm Blondie, one of the support mentors.

Firstly, can I check in with you to see if you have any plans to take your life? Your safety is important to us and we're here to support you through.

It's completely normal to question our sexuality thought our life but I hear you when you say it's a shock. What is your overarching fear if you were gay or bi? It's okay to explore these feelings as they are unlikely to feel more pressured if you don't allow yourself the time and space to process. That's not to say the outcome will be that you're gay or bi - just to allow yourself that space. 

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Yes I do have plans for my life ,I'm an aspiring young business man ,I have an Retail online store running .I'm also a 3rd year student in  anlytical chemistry  and I'm a few months away from graduation .

I've always seen myself as a business man .Who will marry and have 3 three kids .

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

I'm glad to hear that you have plans for your life; it's so important to have aspirations, and it sounds like you're on an exciting path with your career. I just want to check, are you safe at the moment? I saw what you said about feeling suicidal, so I wanted to check in. Just incase you need it, here is some safety information if you are in crisis: 

  • UK - The Samaritans: 116 123 (24/7 service)
  • USA - NSPL: 1-800-273-8255
  • A list of worldwide crisis lines: https://www.befrienders.org
  • An app I can recommend: https://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ this has safety plans to make sure you don't harm yourself and you might find it useful. 
  • If you’re in the UK, you can text SHOUT to 85258 when you are struggling, and a trained crisis volunteer will text you back. This is great if you find talking on the phone challenging, and it’s completely free 24/7

 

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