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Tired of having to defend everything I am


Emberfrost12
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I’m tired of having to defend everything I am. On a regular basis, I have to defend everything from my name to my hobbies. Someone will always tell me that I’m lying, confused, dumb, or crazy because of something I am or do. I mention that I’m American and someone makes an ‘America is violent’ joke or gets mad at me for something i must automatically think (for the record, I agree with the ‘american perspective’ on smarties/‘rockets’). I mention I’m a furry and someone says that there’s something mentally wrong with me or makes an UwU joke. Anyone have worries for society if you can be attacked for your interests? I say my name and someone will fight me over that. I say that I’m omni and I have to explain it and defend it, and someone will tell me that I can’t be gay. I explain my gender and someone says that I’m lying, saying that for attention, or that I should give up on my life. People claim that mental illness doesn’t exist, and nobody seems to give a damn but me. I want to just live my life and not have to defend it, and I’m sick and tired of having to never let down my guard or relax.

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Hi @Emberfrost12, I totally get what you mean, when I first came out to my friend as ‘not 100% straight’ (which is what I say at the moment idk) over text, she just replied ‘lol’ and didn’t believe me for months. Once, when someone in my school found out I’m vegetarian, they started waving meat round my face. 
 
People usually do these things because they don’t know how to react. I’m not saying it’s right, because it’s not, but people get mean when they don’t understand something fully. You have the right to be whatever/whoever you want to be, and no one should say those things about you. 
 

Never listen to or tolerate the negative comments people make about anything regarding you, or someone in the same situation as you (the defending everything bit I mean.) The people saying these things should educate themselves not only about genders, identity and orientation but also about how people feel after comments like the ones you have mentioned, 

Don’t let these things get you down, it’ll get easier eventually.

 


 

note: sorry about the rant hopefully it helps somehow lol

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Thanks for replying, @Piper! I agree, people should educate themself, but I can't make them do that, and they seem to not want to do it themselves. I really just need opportunities to relax, and I never get those because I'm always adjusting to fit in with the people around me, because I've started fearing rejection, which doubles the impact remarks have on me. I just don't know what to do about that. Someone remarks on something I do, I hide that part of me, and it's tiring.

The ranting's fine, go for it!

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11 minutes ago, Piper said:

@Emberfrost12 quick question, are the people who are remarking on things you do people you know, or just anyone?

Both. People in my friend group who aren't really my friends, as well as people in my classes,

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23 hours ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Both. People in my friend group who aren't really my friends, as well as people in my classes,

Have you talked to your trusted friends about this? I can’t really give any advice on how to help people stop saying those remarks, if there are particular people saying these things more than once maybe you could try to stay away from them? You shouldn’t have to feel like you need to hide parts of who you are, people commenting on things about you is their way of trying to seem cool around you, even if the comments aren’t particularly nice or thoughtful. Plus, I bet they are a lot less interesting than you • ◡•

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19 hours ago, Piper said:

Have you talked to your trusted friends about this? I can’t really give any advice on how to help people stop saying those remarks, if there are particular people saying these things more than once maybe you could try to stay away from them? You shouldn’t have to feel like you need to hide parts of who you are, people commenting on things about you is their way of trying to seem cool around you, even if the comments aren’t particularly nice or thoughtful. Plus, I bet they are a lot less interesting than you • ◡•

 I've talked to one of my trusted friends about this, but I might try distancing myself from the others.

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