Should I come out?

[that_bi_girl]

Some of my close friends know that I am bi, but I don’t know how to tell my family and some of my friends. I see my friends get bullied every day by people in my school but I don’t like that and I don’t want to end up in a negative environment like that. I know my family would be supportive- at least they are of my friends- but I don’t know how they would react if I told them I was bi. I don’t want anything- maybe some gay flags would be nice- I just want their support. Any advice?

[that_bi_girl]

41 minutes ago, that_bi_girl said:

Some of my close friends know that I am bi, but I don’t know how to tell my family and some of my friends. I see my friends get bullied every day by people in my school but I don’t like that and I don’t want to end up in a negative environment like that. I know my family would be supportive- at least they are of my friends- but I don’t know how they would react if I told them I was bi. I don’t want anything- maybe some gay flags would be nice- I just want their support. Any advice?

Update- I told one of my best friends and she was so supportive!

[Daisie]

Hey @that_bi_girl Welcome to the Community! 

I am Daisie a Community Warden here on the forums, and I just wanted to drop by and send you a warm welcome, I have read your post and wondered whether you'd like to chat to one of our Trained Digital Mentors? I will tag them in so you know who they are and so they can reach out. @Blondie

Can I just say that is amazing that your best friend is being really supportive. 

[Monsoon]

10 hours ago, that_bi_girl said:

Some of my close friends know that I am bi, but I don’t know how to tell my family and some of my friends. I see my friends get bullied every day by people in my school but I don’t like that and I don’t want to end up in a negative environment like that. I know my family would be supportive- at least they are of my friends- but I don’t know how they would react if I told them I was bi. I don’t want anything- maybe some gay flags would be nice- I just want their support. Any advice?

Hey @that_bi_girl

Welcome to the DTL community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice to our members :)

I'm really pleased to hear that your friend was really supportive - how does this make you feel?

With your family, it's definitely a good sign that they are supportive of your friends as this is a strong signal that they will be supportive of you; what do you think about that? 

[Nicky_nellie]

I'm also bi and I know coming out can be really stressful, maybe if you have a small celebration or surprise it will be easier.

Or maybe drop some hints.

[that_bi_girl]

22 hours ago, Nicky_nellie said:

I'm also bi and I know coming out can be really stressful, maybe if you have a small celebration or surprise it will be easier.

Or maybe drop some hints.

The thing is I don’t want it to be a big thing to be honest because I don’t feel like I need to be out to anyone other than me, but I want them to know at the same time

[that_bi_girl]

On 6/12/2022 at 10:37 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey @that_bi_girl

Welcome to the DTL community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice to our members :)

I'm really pleased to hear that your friend was really supportive - how does this make you feel?

With your family, it's definitely a good sign that they are supportive of your friends as this is a strong signal that they will be supportive of you; what do you think about that? 

My friend being supportive is helpful as it makes it seem easier for me to actually come out, it’s just still a bit scary. Also, I think my parents would be fine and supportive I just don’t know how to tell them in a small way as I don’t want to have a party or celebration or anything I just want to say that this is who I am an I hope they will support me and my choices.

[Monsoon]

17 hours ago, that_bi_girl said:

My friend being supportive is helpful as it makes it seem easier for me to actually come out, it’s just still a bit scary. Also, I think my parents would be fine and supportive I just don’t know how to tell them in a small way as I don’t want to have a party or celebration or anything I just want to say that this is who I am an I hope they will support me and my choices.

Hey,

Yeah, it's totally normal to still feel scared despite having positive experiences; coming out makes us feel super vulnerable, but the pay off for most people is that they can then live more authentically which can be an amazing feeling :)

I'm wondering, are you ready to tell your parents? Remember, there's no pressure, and whether you feel ready or not, you can still take your time. 

[that_bi_girl]

3 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Yeah, it's totally normal to still feel scared despite having positive experiences; coming out makes us feel super vulnerable, but the pay off for most people is that they can then live more authentically which can be an amazing feeling :)

I'm wondering, are you ready to tell your parents? Remember, there's no pressure, and whether you feel ready or not, you can still take your time. 

I think I am ready I just don’t really know what I would say

[Aurora]

Hey @that_bi_girl I’m Aurora, one of the digital mentors here. It sounds like you feel ready but I totally understand that it’s still not easy taking that first step coming out to your family. Have you thought about whether you would like to tell your whole family at once or is there one person in your family you would feel more comfortable coming out to? In that case, you could talk to them first and maybe they can then support you in telling everyone else? What do you think? 

[that_bi_girl]

9 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hey @that_bi_girl I’m Aurora, one of the digital mentors here. It sounds like you feel ready but I totally understand that it’s still not easy taking that first step coming out to your family. Have you thought about whether you would like to tell your whole family at once or is there one person in your family you would feel more comfortable coming out to? In that case, you could talk to them first and maybe they can then support you in telling everyone else? What do you think? 

I think my dad would be easiest to tell as I feel like I’m closer to him- not that I don’t like my mum as much, I just get to bond more with my dad and like more of the same thing as him. He is the one I would tell first but I just don’t know how

[Ez]

On 6/15/2022 at 5:36 PM, that_bi_girl said:

I think my dad would be easiest to tell as I feel like I’m closer to him- not that I don’t like my mum as much, I just get to bond more with my dad and like more of the same thing as him. He is the one I would tell first but I just don’t know how

I don't know if this is helpful, but when I came out to my dad, I first brought up a time where I was uncomfortable because of being asked about guys, and used that as a pathway into telling him that I like girls. again, sorry if thats not helpful, but finding a different way to guide the conversation to your coming out can be easier.  

[Aurora]

 

x

On 6/15/2022 at 10:36 PM, that_bi_girl said:

I think my dad would be easiest to tell as I feel like I’m closer to him- not that I don’t like my mum as much, I just get to bond more with my dad and like more of the same thing as him. He is the one I would tell first but I just don’t know how

It’s really nice to hear that you feel close to your Dad and that you feel you can talk to him. I totally understand though that you don’t know how to have that conversation with him. Telling your parents can be scary as you don’t know how they will react. But it’s also great that you feel ready to be open about your identity and it sounds very much like they will support you! 

You mentioned before that you came out to your friend and that went really well . Do you think you could start the conversation with your Dad in a similar way? Also, you might want to think about when and where you want to talk to him. It’s probably a good idea to tell him somewhere where you feel comfortable - maybe at home, when you’re out for a walk or possibly even when you’re driving somewhere in the car. Sometimes it can be easier to have these conversations when you’re not looking at the other person. Just remember that this is your journey and it’s really important that you feel as comfortable as possible. 

We’ve also got a couple of support articles here on coming out, that you might find useful (if you haven’t read them already )  https://www.ditchthelabel.org/9-tips-coming-out-to-parents/

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/13-tips-coming-out-bisexual/

And please know that we’re here for you!

 

 

 

 

 

[Nicky_nellie]

Maybe if you say one of your friends are after coming out and then based on their reaction you could say "I am too" or something similar 

[#strugglebus]

Do it. I did it , but my family still doesn't know, my friends were the ones who helped me the most. It will be worth it, and if they don't except you then they aren't worth it. 

[urfavekpopstan !]

On 6/11/2022 at 6:53 PM, that_bi_girl said:

Some of my close friends know that I am bi, but I don’t know how to tell my family and some of my friends. I see my friends get bullied every day by people in my school but I don’t like that and I don’t want to end up in a negative environment like that. I know my family would be supportive- at least they are of my friends- but I don’t know how they would react if I told them I was bi. I don’t want anything- maybe some gay flags would be nice- I just want their support. Any advice?

My advice is to come out to your parents if your home is a safe and supportive environment. Them, maybe you could build your way up and tell people you feel comfortable with and whom you trust. I hope that made sense!!