jattacks Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 I have never been in a relationship and I don't understand how to "Like" or even "Love" someone. I read lesbian stories and I want that. I want to be the one to cuddle someone not to be cuddled. I don't want children so being with a male scares me but I can't look at a female nor male and say "I wanna go out with them" and I'm not sure if it's because I'm asexual or because my own physical appearance is something I dislike and I can't even like myself, what more someone else. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lizzie Posted June 3, 2018 Share Posted June 3, 2018 Alright this is gonna be really log so fair warning. I also had this inner debate and yeah, it is really confusing. To not want children is completely normal, I don't want them either, and I think that the fact you could narrow down that you're either bi, straight, or asexual is good! I personally identify as bi, and can tell you that not being attracted to anyone at the moment is fine. the definition of asexual as I know it is that you just don't want sex, and its fine to be romantically attracted to someone, just not sexually. If you feel no romantic attraction, its called being aromantic, I believe you can be bi-romantic, meaning you feel romantic attraction to both genders, but I'm not sure, so it might help to look it up. As for the not liking yourself, this may be a really dumb idea, but when you look in the mirror, say "I am beautiful" even if you din't believe it and think you are lying straight through your teeth, because you'll start to believe it. You can also make a list of things you like about yourself. For example, i like my freckles and my eyes. Just make sure that when you see something you hate about yourself, you remind yourself of something you like. for example your ability to read quickly, or your hair color, or the fact you can remember things well. you have to have something you like about yourself to fall back on, an it can be looks based or not. PRINCESS DIANA even struggled with self hate, and she is someone alot of people look up to, just like you! MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted June 4, 2018 Share Posted June 4, 2018 Hey JATTACKS, Thanks for coming to Community for support; we are here to help you through this, and you are not alone. It sounds like you are stressed about the whole thing ? how are you feeling? Sexuality can be scary, especially when you don't know what sexuality label describes you. Society puts pressure on us to know exactly who we are as people, and this can be stressful, especially if you are young. My advice to you is that you should take your time in identifying your sexuality. There is no rush to assign yourself a sexuality label. Finding out who you are as a person is a journey that never ends. I am learning new stuff about myself regularly, and I am nearly a quarter of a century old! Ahhh! The advice from LIZZIE is great (thanks, LIZZIE). It is important to not let yourself get caught up in your negative thoughts, and it is essential to focus on what you like about yourself as opposed to what you don't. Here is a great article for help with the issue that you are having: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/8-things-know-questioning-sexuality/ Just remember that it is okay to ask yourself these questions, and that it may take time to figure out your sexuality. This is why it is important to just enjoy the journey of finding out. I hope this advice helps and I look forward to hearing back from you. Hang in there! -Monsoon J MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sammyvl Posted June 27, 2018 Share Posted June 27, 2018 Yeah, so I'm bi-curious. I really want to know what I am but don't know how to figure it out except by having experiences but I am only 13. Are there any ways to help figure this out? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted June 28, 2018 Share Posted June 28, 2018 Hey SAMMYVL, I understand the urge to want to know who you are as soon as possible, but the thing is that getting to know yourself, especially your sexuality can take a while. I was very confused for years, especially in school. You become more aware of your identity as you get older, and there isn't really a way to rush it. It is important to be patient. I know it is frustrating, but by just getting on with your life, you will build an awareness of who you are as a person. Also, a way in which you could help to find this out is by speaking to other people who are bisexual or bicurious? Their stories may help you along your journey. I hope you find this useful Sending positive vibes -Monsoon MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ros3 Posted June 28, 2018 Share Posted June 28, 2018 Hi, I hope you figure yourself out! I am a girl and have a similar confusion. I have also never been in a relationship of any kind. Obviously you don't have to, but if you want to talk at all then I can give you my twitter or something to just chat or vent or whatever you like MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ros3 Posted June 28, 2018 Share Posted June 28, 2018 I am 14 and I feel exactly the same way! Hope you figure it out though I found this place to try and just have someone to talk to MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 Hey R0S3, Thanks for offering your support to JATTACKS. I am sorry to hear you are currently experiencing the same kind of situation. How are you feeling? Do you want to talk about it? Sending positive vibes -Monsoon MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ros3 Posted June 29, 2018 Share Posted June 29, 2018 If I'm honest I don't know if I should talk to my best friend about it first and just kind of 'let them know' I guess but they wouldn't really understand because we have lightly touched the subject before and she is definitely straight. I just feel like I would want to say something about it to someone in person but try to explain my feelings more online with people struggling similar issues as I don't really have any friends who are LGBTQ+. I would just feel so scared to say anything but I don't know why as I hope they would be accepting, I just think its the whole stigma around the issue and all the stereotypes and labels that go along with it. Thanks so much for your reply. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted July 2, 2018 Share Posted July 2, 2018 Hey R0S3, Thanks for getting back to me. We are here to help you through this I understand completely as to why you don't really want to talk about your sexuality to someone who is straight. I was also scared of this as I feared that they wouldn't understand because they are straight, so I know how you are feeling. However, it is important to remember that just because someone is straight doesn't mean that they won't understand. All of my friends were fine about me coming out, and most of them loved it! I think it's important to come out gradually. I first came out to people online, then to my friends, and finally my family once I had built up enough courage. Also, some people may be shocked at first and not react the way you want them to, but it is important to be patient as it may just take a little time for them to process the info. Here are some help guides you may find useful: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/8-things-know-questioning-sexuality/ https://www.ditchthelabel.org/top-11-tips-for-coming-out-as-lesbian-gay-or-bi/ I hope this helps and I look forward to hearing back from you. Hang in there! Monsoon MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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