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Sexuality crisis


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I've been soooo confused lately. It's like one minute I know exactly who I love (my ex) what gender I prefer (girls) but then this freaking boy comes into my life and I'm panicking. I know I definitely like girls but I have no idea if I like boys. The boy I think I like is nice and it's like one second I really like him and the other I hate him. I honestly thought I knew what my sexuality is. It would be very helpful if I could get som advice :)

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2 hours ago, Sunny_ said:

I've been soooo confused lately. It's like one minute I know exactly who I love (my ex) what gender I prefer (girls) but then this freaking boy comes into my life and I'm panicking. I know I definitely like girls but I have no idea if I like boys. The boy I think I like is nice and it's like one second I really like him and the other I hate him. I honestly thought I knew what my sexuality is. It would be very helpful if I could get som advice :)

Hey there, I’m Blondie, one of the support mentors.

A lot of people find they can be very fluid in their attractions.

What is it you like about him? And is the attraction physical or romantic or both?

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Hey, I'm feeling the exact same way! My whole life I've always liked guys (I'm a girl) but recently I've been really into girls. I feel really confused and I have no idea what I want; it's really scary sometimes and I don't always know what to do. I still think I like guys but lately, I've been really open to exploring other genders aside from just boys. It's very confusing and very weird all at the same time, even harder knowing that if I embark on this journey and actually try to figure myself out I'll lose most of my family. 

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Well if anything bad happens you can always contact me if you've got no one else to go to, it's really brave of you telling this to a complete stranger and that you're open with exploring other genders. I think if you introduce the community first to them and slowly start giving hints you're not straight they'd support you :)

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On 6/5/2022 at 9:12 PM, Blondie said:

Hey there, I’m Blondie, one of the support mentors.

A lot of people find they can be very fluid in their attractions.

What is it you like about him? And is the attraction physical or romantic or both?

Lol going right in! He's really nice to the people he cares about and is VERY funny and most of the time we get a long but sometimes he gets on my nerves. Like today I had what might've been small to him but it was definitely big for me. Today at lunch time we were all playing tag and there was this boy playing with us and he spanked the boy I like, that's the problem with my school, ALL boys spank each other and certainly don't know when to stop (they don't spank the girls, but personally I don't think you should be spanking people without their consent and at SCHOOL) the boy I like hates it when people do that so he told him to stop and kicked him (violence isn't the solution or answer kids (unless you're in danger and need to use self defence)) the boy who spanked him grabbed his leg and practically threw him to the ground, so then the boy i like ended up crying cause he was in a lot of pain AND hates it when people spank him. I then sat by him and asked how much it hurt and if he needed to go to the nurse stuff like that. I got butterflies when he only answered to me and no one else (definitely didn't tell them to shut up and move away from the boy I like and give him space) the guy who spanked him tried to talk to him but not to apologise and the guy I like told him to go away (except in a more explicit language I shall not put down because I don't wanna get in trouble) so yeah that was the highlight of my day 👍. He's also really creative and is fun to be around with. I think I like him both ways? I don't know, I am VERY confused

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3 hours ago, Sunny_ said:

Lol going right in! He's really nice to the people he cares about and is VERY funny and most of the time we get a long but sometimes he gets on my nerves. Like today I had what might've been small to him but it was definitely big for me. Today at lunch time we were all playing tag and there was this boy playing with us and he spanked the boy I like, that's the problem with my school, ALL boys spank each other and certainly don't know when to stop (they don't spank the girls, but personally I don't think you should be spanking people without their consent and at SCHOOL) the boy I like hates it when people do that so he told him to stop and kicked him (violence isn't the solution or answer kids (unless you're in danger and need to use self defence)) the boy who spanked him grabbed his leg and practically threw him to the ground, so then the boy i like ended up crying cause he was in a lot of pain AND hates it when people spank him. I then sat by him and asked how much it hurt and if he needed to go to the nurse stuff like that. I got butterflies when he only answered to me and no one else (definitely didn't tell them to shut up and move away from the boy I like and give him space) the guy who spanked him tried to talk to him but not to apologise and the guy I like told him to go away (except in a more explicit language I shall not put down because I don't wanna get in trouble) so yeah that was the highlight of my day 👍. He's also really creative and is fun to be around with. I think I like him both ways? I don't know, I am VERY confused

Thanks so much for clarifying. It sounds to me like you may well be attracted to them (as you say), especially as you mentioned having butterflies.  And as I said it's completely normal to be fluid throughout our life in who we find attractive. 

You say you're confused - is there something in particular that is worrying you? I realise this may be a surprise, if you have only ever been same sex attracted but do you think this is a positive thing that you are open to attractions to other genders? 

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I wouldn’t be able to say if you really love the boy or not because that’s up for you to realise, but I would just like to add that you don’t have to feel pressured into using another sexuality label because you suddenly felt attraction to someone outside of your label (assuming you use one).

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21 hours ago, Blondie said:

Thanks so much for clarifying. It sounds to me like you may well be attracted to them (as you say), especially as you mentioned having butterflies.  And as I said it's completely normal to be fluid throughout our life in who we find attractive. 

You say you're confused - is there something in particular that is worrying you? I realise this may be a surprise, if you have only ever been same sex attracted but do you think this is a positive thing that you are open to attractions to other genders? 

When I was younger I liked boys and I'd sometimes have a crush on girl but for the past couple years maybe 5 I've only liked girls so I'm thinking that I'm not used to liking boys that much anymore? I think it's perfectly fine I like other genders, probably because there aren't any girls I know in my year that are lesbian or bi

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21 hours ago, Ryebread said:

I wouldn’t be able to say if you really love the boy or not because that’s up for you to realise, but I would just like to add that you don’t have to feel pressured into using another sexuality label because you suddenly felt attraction to someone outside of your label (assuming you use one).

Ok thanks :), I think I do love I don't know...

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4 hours ago, Sunny_ said:

When I was younger I liked boys and I'd sometimes have a crush on girl but for the past couple years maybe 5 I've only liked girls so I'm thinking that I'm not used to liking boys that much anymore? I think it's perfectly fine I like other genders, probably because there aren't any girls I know in my year that are lesbian or bi

I think it sounds like such a positive thing that you are open to connections with people based on them rather then their gender 😊

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On 6/8/2022 at 10:23 PM, Blondie said:

I think it sounds like such a positive thing that you are open to connections with people based on them rather then their gender 😊thank you

On 6/8/2022 at 10:23 PM, Blondie said:

I think it sounds like such a positive thing that you are open to connections with people based on them rather then their gender 😊

Thank you :)

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  • 3 months later...
On 6/8/2022 at 10:23 PM, Blondie said:

I think it sounds like such a positive thing that you are open to connections with people based on them rather then their gender 😊

Hi! It’s been a while. I’m definitely bisexual, I prefer girls most of the times but some boys I like! Anyways I have some news... The boy I was talking about before? We’re dating now!! Lately we’ve been having out a lot and one day he asked me if he liked anyone and I said yes and he asked me who I liked and I said that I liked him, he then told me he liked me as well and a couple days later we started dating! Thanks for the advice I found it really useful! :)

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8 hours ago, Sunny_ said:

Hi! It’s been a while. I’m definitely bisexual, I prefer girls most of the times but some boys I like! Anyways I have some news... The boy I was talking about before? We’re dating now!! Lately we’ve been having out a lot and one day he asked me if he liked anyone and I said yes and he asked me who I liked and I said that I liked him, he then told me he liked me as well and a couple days later we started dating! Thanks for the advice I found it really useful! :)

Hey there,

That's amazing news about the boy you're dating. I'm glad you found the advice from @Blondie helpful. Would you like anymore support, or are you all good? 

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4 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

That's amazing news about the boy you're dating. I'm glad you found the advice from @Blondie helpful. Would you like anymore support, or are you all good? 

I think I should be good! If I have any problems or concerns I’ll probably make another post, but thanks!!

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17 hours ago, RYLEE! said:

same im questioning if im bi

Hey Rylee,

Thank you for sharing this with us. I'm one of the digital mentors and I give advice to those who reach out to us. Would you like to tell me more about what's going on for you if you'd like support? Speak soon. 

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  • 2 weeks later...

I feel the same way! I definitely like boys, but I don’t know if I like girls too. One day I’m like “I’m definitely bi, cuz I like girls too” and another day I’m like “no I’m 100% straight, it’s just a phase” and I’m so confused cuz I think I might like I girl rn but I don’t know if I just like her in a “friendship” kinda way, or if I actually like her. I also don’t know if I should tell my parents, cuz yk, im not sure if im bi. So my life is just a mess, and I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I feel like I overdo it. Like, I think I like a girl, or think abt if I find her attractive bc I think im bi. But then I get more confused cuz then I don’t know if I find her attractive or it’s just my mind thinking I find her attractive bc I think im bi. U know what I mean? I’m 13yrs old, so I don’t feel comfortable trying things out. I’ve never dated anyone before so I don’t know how to find out if I’m bi. I feel like a lot of people say that u should try and “experiment” with the same gender to see what it feels like, and if I like it. But again I’m 13, so I don’t wanna do that stuff until I’m like 15-16 or smt. So somebody plz give me some advise

Edited by Alma Sanggaard Schultz
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14 hours ago, Alma Sanggaard Schultz said:

I feel the same way! I definitely like boys, but I don’t know if I like girls too. One day I’m like “I’m definitely bi, cuz I like girls too” and another day I’m like “no I’m 100% straight, it’s just a phase” and I’m so confused cuz I think I might like I girl rn but I don’t know if I just like her in a “friendship” kinda way, or if I actually like her. I also don’t know if I should tell my parents, cuz yk, im not sure if im bi. So my life is just a mess, and I don’t know what to do. Sometimes I feel like I overdo it. Like, I think I like a girl, or think abt if I find her attractive bc I think im bi. But then I get more confused cuz then I don’t know if I find her attractive or it’s just my mind thinking I find her attractive bc I think im bi. U know what I mean? I’m 13yrs old, so I don’t feel comfortable trying things out. I’ve never dated anyone before so I don’t know how to find out if I’m bi. I feel like a lot of people say that u should try and “experiment” with the same gender to see what it feels like, and if I like it. But again I’m 13, so I don’t wanna do that stuff until I’m like 15-16 or smt. So somebody plz give me some advise

Hey there, I'm Blondie, one of the support mentors here.

It's true that we can sometimes overthink things and almost want to know now who we are and how we identify. Whilst I can completely understand this, in truth this can be a longer journey and it's right we don't feel rushed (or rush ourselves). It's great to give yourself time and space to get to know people and see how you feel about them. Sometimes it's useful to imagine yourself dating a boy or a girl and see how it feels. If either feels comfortable for you then it is likely that you might be bi and also shows that you're open to being with people based on your feelings rather than their gender.

How does that sound?

 

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Thank you! I understand that it’s a long journey, and that it’ll probably take a long time. But I just have one question. Do you think I should tell my parents, or wait until I’m sure?

(I just changed my username, but it’s still me Alma Sanggaard Schultz)

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4 hours ago, Alma_idk_how_to_life said:

Thank you! I understand that it’s a long journey, and that it’ll probably take a long time. But I just have one question. Do you think I should tell my parents, or wait until I’m sure?

(I just changed my username, but it’s still me Alma Sanggaard Schultz)

Hey there! You know your parents best, so if you think that you would get a positive, supportive reaction then it might feel nice to share this part of you with them. You don't have to say that you know exactly at this point how you identify but that you are questioning / exploring how you feel or something along those lines.

If you think the response would be negative and potentially put you at risk of say, being thrown out of home, then we would always advise waiting until you are able to be more independent.   

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