Depreshun

[identitykitty]

So, i'm not diagnosed with depression but it seems pretty obvious I have it. I'm a very doubtful person so I didn't wanna come to terms with the fact that I was depressed. I thought I had to feel sad every single day when, fortunately that's not the reality for me. However, I am constantly thinking about what's the purpose of doing anything. I feel like I am just a zombie doing things because I'm trying to avoid the thoughts in my head. There are some moments where nothing sounds enjoyable. Sometimes i cry and feel the physical sadness on my heart. I miss when I was a kid and never felt this way. I miss the feeling of loving to do something. I miss those days where all I would think about is something I enjoy, and being so excited that I couldn't sleep at night like a kid on Christmas eve. I would do anything to feel that happiness again and crave something I love to do. I'm lost and I don't know what I should do for my profession, I hate my current job, i'm lost spiritually and mentally. To make matters worse I'm mostly alone. If someone has advice i'd really appreciate that. 

[Blondie]

7 hours ago, identitykitty said:

So, i'm not diagnosed with depression but it seems pretty obvious I have it. I'm a very doubtful person so I didn't wanna come to terms with the fact that I was depressed. I thought I had to feel sad every single day when, fortunately that's not the reality for me. However, I am constantly thinking about what's the purpose of doing anything. I feel like I am just a zombie doing things because I'm trying to avoid the thoughts in my head. There are some moments where nothing sounds enjoyable. Sometimes i cry and feel the physical sadness on my heart. I miss when I was a kid and never felt this way. I miss the feeling of loving to do something. I miss those days where all I would think about is something I enjoy, and being so excited that I couldn't sleep at night like a kid on Christmas eve. I would do anything to feel that happiness again and crave something I love to do. I'm lost and I don't know what I should do for my profession, I hate my current job, i'm lost spiritually and mentally. To make matters worse I'm mostly alone. If someone has advice i'd really appreciate that. 

Hi there, I’m Blondie, one of the support mentors.

Thanks so much for opening up and sharing. I realise that changing things up / making positive changes takes time but I’m wondering what you do like to do purely for fun?

Even if you’re not doing it now, I’m an ideal world what does fun look like for you? It could be a specific activity for example or a favourite hobby.

[identitykitty]

Well its hard because things don't really sound that fun to me right now. I like to do things that give me adrenaline like roller coasters or haunted houses. I like feeling emotions like watching a really good movie. I like to draw but haven't found the motivation to do it. I enjoy working out. Playing basketball is fun when you have people to play with. I feel like deep emotional connections are sometimes what stabilize me and give my life reason and meaning but it's hard in a world where everyone is so robotic and isolated. 

[Blondie]

6 hours ago, identitykitty said:

Well its hard because things don't really sound that fun to me right now. I like to do things that give me adrenaline like roller coasters or haunted houses. I like feeling emotions like watching a really good movie. I like to draw but haven't found the motivation to do it. I enjoy working out. Playing basketball is fun when you have people to play with. I feel like deep emotional connections are sometimes what stabilize me and give my life reason and meaning but it's hard in a world where everyone is so robotic and isolated. 

I agree - the last few years have really separated us from others which is generally an unnatural way for us to live. You mentioned about finding deep emotional connections - do you find any satisfaction or pleasure in connections which aren't that deep? For example, if you joined a club or activity where that's as far as the connection went?