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10 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

I'm sorry to hear about this argument. I just want you to know that we are here to listen to you and comfort you :)

It sounds like some pretty hurtful things were said in the moment that maybe people didn't mean; what do you think? Also, how are you feeling now that some time has passed since the fight?

Thanks so much . Yea I absolutely think a lot of things were said that were not meant. Honestly, now that some time has passed, I'm feeling a lot better. However, I have decided that I need to teach my dad that he cannot yell not just at me, but anyone else in the family. So I am currently not speaking to him. This may either be a smart or a stupid thing to do, but everything else I have tried in trying to teach him that yelling is not okay, has failed, so not speaking to him is my last resort. It's hard, because I don't enjoy not speaking to him, and its even harder when he tries to talk to me, like take this morning for example. I was speaking to my mum as she thinks she may have broken her thumb accidentally when she tripped over a dog that was in the changeroom at her work last night, keeping in mind dogs aren't allowed in the changeroom, and my dad interrupted me saying "Lower the volume" but I just ignored him as I was not, and am not, speaking to him. I don't know how long I won't speak to him for, but I will be honest, it does feel kind of good. I don't really feel too stressed out, I don't have chest pain or a tension headache, etc. As I said, I don't like not talking to him, but on the same token, I don't feel stressed. 

I do want to mention, I hate fighting with my dad. It gives me no pleasure at all. He just makes life so hard at times. Like I try hard to respect him etc, but the way I see it is, why should I respect someone who doesn't respect me in return? And thats the whole thing, is that he doesn't respect me, so I've refused to respect him. I understand it is my parents house and all that, but respect goes both ways, and my dad just can't seem to understand that. He always says myself, my sister and my mum 'bully' him, which is absolutely not true. If we stand up for ourselves, it's apparently 'bullying'. 

I just really don't know what to do. I haven't got a job as I left my first ever job after 3 shifts because (a) working in a job without horses was VERY hard, and (b) I got burnt at work, told someone, and nothing was done about it. So I haven't got any money of my own, except for funding from my country's National Disability Insurance Scheme - its for people who have a disability/disabilities - and I'm just getting so stressed with the way he treats me. I won't be able to go and see a therapist yet, until NDIS tells me how I should pay for the therapy as I won't have the money in my bank account. I've tried writting in a diary, but years ago my dad said something which I KNEW I had written in my diary, and I always hide it, and I knew he'd gone into my room looking for it and had written to it.

 

I just really don't know what to do. I wish he would just treat me nicer instead of always yelling at me or using that tone of voice he uses when he's annoyed at me.

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15 hours ago, Thisboiistrans said:

I know I keep popping up but if you should know that none of this is your fault.

Thanks. Sure does feel like part of it is my fault though. They tell me that I talk back a lot, and that I'm rude and have no respect for them, but like, as I said, the way I see it is, respect goes both ways. I respect my mum more than my dad because she doesn't really yell at me, she asks me nicely/speaks to me nicely, and hardly ever uses an 'annoyed' tone of voice. 

It just feels really frustrating. Like sometimes, when he's in the wrong, I'm the one who gets in trouble, not him, he gets away with blue murder just because he's 'my father' and an 'adult' and he and my mother 'own the house'. I try to be mature, but it's hard to do that when I have both ADHD and Autism, as with autism, it affects my brain a LOT. Like one minute, i can be 19, the next, I'll suddenly be a little kid, but I have no memory of it. And when my dad says 'oh, you're acting like a child, act your age' it's pretty darn hard considering the switch just happens. I don't do anything, it just happens, if that makes sense. I guess it's sort of like having 2 different personalities, in a way. But a lot of the time, my dad makes me feel like almost everything is my fault.

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20 hours ago, Horseygirl said:

Thanks so much . Yea I absolutely think a lot of things were said that were not meant. Honestly, now that some time has passed, I'm feeling a lot better. However, I have decided that I need to teach my dad that he cannot yell not just at me, but anyone else in the family. So I am currently not speaking to him. This may either be a smart or a stupid thing to do, but everything else I have tried in trying to teach him that yelling is not okay, has failed, so not speaking to him is my last resort. It's hard, because I don't enjoy not speaking to him, and its even harder when he tries to talk to me, like take this morning for example. I was speaking to my mum as she thinks she may have broken her thumb accidentally when she tripped over a dog that was in the changeroom at her work last night, keeping in mind dogs aren't allowed in the changeroom, and my dad interrupted me saying "Lower the volume" but I just ignored him as I was not, and am not, speaking to him. I don't know how long I won't speak to him for, but I will be honest, it does feel kind of good. I don't really feel too stressed out, I don't have chest pain or a tension headache, etc. As I said, I don't like not talking to him, but on the same token, I don't feel stressed. 

I do want to mention, I hate fighting with my dad. It gives me no pleasure at all. He just makes life so hard at times. Like I try hard to respect him etc, but the way I see it is, why should I respect someone who doesn't respect me in return? And thats the whole thing, is that he doesn't respect me, so I've refused to respect him. I understand it is my parents house and all that, but respect goes both ways, and my dad just can't seem to understand that. He always says myself, my sister and my mum 'bully' him, which is absolutely not true. If we stand up for ourselves, it's apparently 'bullying'. 

I just really don't know what to do. I haven't got a job as I left my first ever job after 3 shifts because (a) working in a job without horses was VERY hard, and (b) I got burnt at work, told someone, and nothing was done about it. So I haven't got any money of my own, except for funding from my country's National Disability Insurance Scheme - its for people who have a disability/disabilities - and I'm just getting so stressed with the way he treats me. I won't be able to go and see a therapist yet, until NDIS tells me how I should pay for the therapy as I won't have the money in my bank account. I've tried writting in a diary, but years ago my dad said something which I KNEW I had written in my diary, and I always hide it, and I knew he'd gone into my room looking for it and had written to it.

I just really don't know what to do. I wish he would just treat me nicer instead of always yelling at me or using that tone of voice he uses when he's annoyed at me.

Hey there,

Yeah, it sounds like things can get pretty intense and emotional at home, and I always think it's good to take some time out where you can before you respond to a situation because we can all react quickly from a place of hurt, but when we manage to take a time out, it can usually help calm things down because you react from a calmer place; what do you think? 

I'm wondering, by not talking to him, how likely is it that that will teach him that yelling isn't okay? Do you think it will work? 

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29 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, it sounds like things can get pretty intense and emotional at home, and I always think it's good to take some time out where you can before you respond to a situation because we can all react quickly from a place of hurt, but when we manage to take a time out, it can usually help calm things down because you react from a calmer place; what do you think? 

I'm wondering, by not talking to him, how likely is it that that will teach him that yelling isn't okay? Do you think it will work? 

Hey, yea I agree. I tend to act before I think, which I'm definitely trying to work on, but is very hard to be quite honest. 

Quite honestly, I'm not sure it'll work. I hope it will, but I'm not entirely sure. I guess what I'm going for is, me not talking to him will show him how much he hurt me. Pretty much every time he hurts me emotionally, I refuse to speak to him  and he always tries to make conversation with me. He also acts as if nothing has happened, which makes me feel a lot worse, because he's sweeping it under the rug and not seeing how much he upset me. 

 

I'm honestly at a loss of what to do. There's no way I'm ready or able to yet move out, as being autistic, I'm not really independent, and sometimes the thought of having my own place seems great, while other times it seems terrifying.

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11 hours ago, Horseygirl said:

Hey, yea I agree. I tend to act before I think, which I'm definitely trying to work on, but is very hard to be quite honest. 

Quite honestly, I'm not sure it'll work. I hope it will, but I'm not entirely sure. I guess what I'm going for is, me not talking to him will show him how much he hurt me. Pretty much every time he hurts me emotionally, I refuse to speak to him  and he always tries to make conversation with me. He also acts as if nothing has happened, which makes me feel a lot worse, because he's sweeping it under the rug and not seeing how much he upset me. 

I'm honestly at a loss of what to do. There's no way I'm ready or able to yet move out, as being autistic, I'm not really independent, and sometimes the thought of having my own place seems great, while other times it seems terrifying.

Hey,

I know other people can find it useful to tell the person directly how they feel; although the confrontation can be hard, honesty is the best policy when it comes to things like this; what do you think?

Also, what do you think needs to change for you to be ready to move out? 

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8 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

I know other people can find it useful to tell the person directly how they feel; although the confrontation can be hard, honesty is the best policy when it comes to things like this; what do you think?

Also, what do you think needs to change for you to be ready to move out? 

Hey monsoon, 

 

Yea I would tell My dad how I feel, except he never listens and pretty much treats almost everything as a joke. 

 

I think for me to be ready to move out, I need to be able to do way more independent stuff like for example, I can't really cook as being autistic, I have a big fear of the stove, grill, and kind of the oven. I actually recently got on the NDIS (National Disabilitity Insurance Scheme) which helps people with disabilities, so I'll be able to get a carer, go to therapy, speech therapy, etc.

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20 hours ago, Horseygirl said:

Hey monsoon, 

Yea I would tell My dad how I feel, except he never listens and pretty much treats almost everything as a joke. 

I think for me to be ready to move out, I need to be able to do way more independent stuff like for example, I can't really cook as being autistic, I have a big fear of the stove, grill, and kind of the oven. I actually recently got on the NDIS (National Disabilitity Insurance Scheme) which helps people with disabilities, so I'll be able to get a carer, go to therapy, speech therapy, etc.

Could it be that you get someone else to tell him, like your mother perhaps? It might be that he listens more if someone else tells him, because when someone takes issue with something we have done, it can be quite threatening to have the offended person say it to you; do you know what I mean? Having someone else say it can reduce that threat and lead to a calmer response. 

Also, that's great about the scheme. Is there anyone that can help you to build your independence, like school for example? 

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3 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Could it be that you get someone else to tell him, like your mother perhaps? It might be that he listens more if someone else tells him, because when someone takes issue with something we have done, it can be quite threatening to have the offended person say it to you; do you know what I mean? Having someone else say it can reduce that threat and lead to a calmer response. 

Also, that's great about the scheme. Is there anyone that can help you to build your independence, like school for example? 

Yea that makes sense. I'm actually not in school anymore as I graduated in November last year, but I do have a lady helping me. She helped me get on the NDIS and the NDIS will be able to provide me with a carer who will be able to take me out to places etc 

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10 minutes ago, Horseygirl said:

Yea that makes sense. I'm actually not in school anymore as I graduated in November last year, but I do have a lady helping me. She helped me get on the NDIS and the NDIS will be able to provide me with a carer who will be able to take me out to places etc 

That sounds great. Maybe you can let her know your goals for independence and she can support you to them :)

Would you like anymore support now, or are you good? 

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10 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

That sounds great. Maybe you can let her know your goals for independence and she can support you to them :)

Would you like anymore support now, or are you good? 

Yea that's a great idea. Thanks so much for your help Monsoon, I'm all good now :)

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