I'M SO FREAKING SCARED PLEASE HELP

[aroacebananas]

So I think I might be aroflux, but I'm Christian. I've been struggling with this for like a month, and honestly I need a fellow Christian (if you're on the aro or ace spec that would be great) to help me out. I don't know how to come out or even if I am aroflux. I want to talk to my friends first, but how do I bring that up? Also, I'M SO FREAKING SCARED. I'm Christian and don't want to let go of my beliefs/religion. But I'm also struggling with romantic identity. (And to y'all out there who think that Christians don't like LGBTQIA+, that's wrong. I don't mind it, not many real Christians do. We just want to help people WITHOUT changing their sexual/romantic/gender/etc identity.) SEND HELP PLEASE.

[Daisie]

Hey @scaredarofluxWelcome to the Community!

I am Daisie a Community Warden here on the forums and I wanted to drop by and send you a warm welcome, we have Trained Mentors on hand to offer support and advice, so I will tag them in so you know who they are and so they can reach out @Monsoon & @Blondie

I hope you'll find our community a welcoming and positive safe space, look forward to seeing you around! 

[Blondie]

9 hours ago, scaredaroflux said:

So I think I might be aroflux, but I'm Christian. I've been struggling with this for like a month, and honestly I need a fellow Christian (if you're on the aro or ace spec that would be great) to help me out. I don't know how to come out or even if I am aroflux. I want to talk to my friends first, but how do I bring that up? Also, I'M SO FREAKING SCARED. I'm Christian and don't want to let go of my beliefs/religion. But I'm also struggling with romantic identity. (And to y'all out there who think that Christians don't like LGBTQIA+, that's wrong. I don't mind it, not many real Christians do. We just want to help people WITHOUT changing their sexual/romantic/gender/etc identity.) SEND HELP PLEASE.

Hey there, I'm glad you found our community!

I know that many people have faced this same thing and you're right - there are many Christians who are allis to the LGBTQIA+ community! I feel that's a hugely positive start especially as lots of churches have well established LGBTQIA+ groups within their congregation.

I think initially, the most important thing is how you feel about this - would you agree? Was this a gradual realisation or did something occur a month ago that really prompted this for you? 

[aroacebananas]

On 5/27/2022 at 3:00 AM, Blondie said:

Hey there, I'm glad you found our community!

I know that many people have faced this same thing and you're right - there are many Christians who are allis to the LGBTQIA+ community! I feel that's a hugely positive start especially as lots of churches have well established LGBTQIA+ groups within their congregation.

I think initially, the most important thing is how you feel about this - would you agree? Was this a gradual realisation or did something occur a month ago that really prompted this for you? 

I think its been a process. All my friends had crushes on kpop bands like BTS and kdrama actors (can you tell that their korean?) but I never saw the point. It wasn't until this one guy had a crush on me that I freaked out. I gave him death threats (jokingly, I would never kill anybody) for a whole week and then he left me alone. The idea of just being in a relationship freaked me out. I've told multiple people that I never wanted to get married but they all say its just a phase. Now, I don't know if it is. The confusing part is that I am the biggest shipper in my friend group. But I don't want to be shipped with people myself. Honestly, I don't even know if I want to be aroflux... or any type of aro for that matter. I'm scared. I don't know if I'm scared of myself or rejection from my dad, friends, family, and church. I need help.

[Blondie]

8 hours ago, scaredaroflux said:

I think its been a process. All my friends had crushes on kpop bands like BTS and kdrama actors (can you tell that their korean?) but I never saw the point. It wasn't until this one guy had a crush on me that I freaked out. I gave him death threats (jokingly, I would never kill anybody) for a whole week and then he left me alone. The idea of just being in a relationship freaked me out. I've told multiple people that I never wanted to get married but they all say its just a phase. Now, I don't know if it is. The confusing part is that I am the biggest shipper in my friend group. But I don't want to be shipped with people myself. Honestly, I don't even know if I want to be aroflux... or any type of aro for that matter. I'm scared. I don't know if I'm scared of myself or rejection from my dad, friends, family, and church. I need help.

For many people the goal of being married / in a relationship just doesn’t figure in their life. Meanwhile as you say, you can be really happy for others. Societal norms have dictated towards this but it is completely possible and valid to be happy and fulfilled as a single person!

Do you have any indication of your church’s views on the LGBTQIA+ community? And the same with your dad - do you know if he is an ally?

[ArtemisArt]

Hey I am a bisexual Christian, who actually meet my non-binary partner at my church youth group, I understand if you might not want to answer this but what denomination of Christiyf do you belong too as I know some are more excepting then others also being scared is understandable especially depending on where you live and the age range of your congregation, I am a United Methodist one of the denominations known to be LGBTQ+ friendly and yet due to my location and the age range in my church I have no plans on coming out to the church as a whole as for your family and friends maybe start by bringing up that you heard something about the LGBTQ+ community to gauge their reactions and that could help give you a timeline of when you want to come out

I really hope this helps and that you have a good day

[aroacebananas]

On 6/2/2022 at 3:41 AM, Blondie said:

For many people the goal of being married / in a relationship just doesn’t figure in their life. Meanwhile as you say, you can be really happy for others. Societal norms have dictated towards this but it is completely possible and valid to be happy and fulfilled as a single person!

Do you have any indication of your church’s views on the LGBTQIA+ community? And the same with your dad - do you know if he is an ally?

Oh he is dEFINITELY NOT an ally. Very conservative. My church is the same, although that comment might become irrelevant soon- my church dissolves on 8/14/22. I'm more confident as an ace person now, but not as much aro. probably because of how I've grown up. However confident I feel about being aroace, the society that I live in breaks that confidence. Ace? I'm perfectly happy with that. But Aro? It's been crazy. Whenever I try to imagine myself in a relationship, I can't see it. I could never. But then society comes and breaks that down. I made myself aroace rings when I was confident about myself. And then I lost the Aro one, so the symbolism is kinda lost. I still have the ace one, though. Of course, my family just thinks I made two rings bc my sister makes jewelry all the time. But the rings helped me feel confident about my identity. Maybe it's stupid, but it's how I feel. I definitely don't want to be in a relationship, but everyone around me says I have to eventually. It's just hard. But thank you for your help in "my journey to self discovery" :)

 

On 6/13/2022 at 9:30 AM, ArtemisArt said:

Hey I am a bisexual Christian, who actually meet my non-binary partner at my church youth group, I understand if you might not want to answer this but what denomination of Christiyf do you belong too as I know some are more excepting then others also being scared is understandable especially depending on where you live and the age range of your congregation, I am a United Methodist one of the denominations known to be LGBTQ+ friendly and yet due to my location and the age range in my church I have no plans on coming out to the church as a whole as for your family and friends maybe start by bringing up that you heard something about the LGBTQ+ community to gauge their reactions and that could help give you a timeline of when you want to come out

I really hope this helps and that you have a good day

haha, yea everyone around me is pretty anti-queer. I think(?) I'm the Prespryterian (i speeled that wrong) Church of America. But I could be wrong. But thank you for your words of encouragement. It's nice to know about the other LGBTQIA+ christian community. It's nice to know I'm not alone. But yea, my denomination is dEFINITELY not LGBTQIA+ friendly. I don't have any plans for coming out, and at the moment I don't think its safe for me to. Again, thank you so much. It has helped :D and most of my congregation is... older and super conservative. More adults than kids, at least. I don't think I'm ever gonna come out, just stay in life chilling in the closet 

[aroacebananas]

3 minutes ago, scaredaroflux said:

Oh he is dEFINITELY NOT an ally. Very conservative. My church is the same, although that comment might become irrelevant soon- my church dissolves on 8/14/22. I'm more confident as an ace person now, but not as much aro. probably because of how I've grown up. However confident I feel about being aroace, the society that I live in breaks that confidence. Ace? I'm perfectly happy with that. But Aro? It's been crazy. Whenever I try to imagine myself in a relationship, I can't see it. I could never. But then society comes and breaks that down. I made myself aroace rings when I was confident about myself. And then I lost the Aro one, so the symbolism is kinda lost. I still have the ace one, though. Of course, my family just thinks I made two rings bc my sister makes jewelry all the time. But the rings helped me feel confident about my identity. Maybe it's stupid, but it's how I feel. I definitely don't want to be in a relationship, but everyone around me says I have to eventually. It's just hard. But thank you for your help in "my journey to self discovery" :)

haha, yea everyone around me is pretty anti-queer. I think(?) I'm the Prespryterian (i speeled that wrong) Church of America. But I could be wrong. But thank you for your words of encouragement. It's nice to know about the other LGBTQIA+ christian community. It's nice to know I'm not alone. But yea, my denomination is dEFINITELY not LGBTQIA+ friendly. I don't have any plans for coming out, and at the moment I don't think its safe for me to. Again, thank you so much. It has helped :D and most of my congregation is... older and super conservative. More adults than kids, at least. I don't think I'm ever gonna come out, just stay in life chilling in the closet 

IM STAYING IN TEH CLOSET WHERE ITS SAFE PEOPLE. 

[ArtemisArt]

Hehe that is understandable and I am glad to help show you that being a LGBTQ+ Christian is possible and if you ever want to talk I am doing almost nothing ALL the freaking time (except next week next week I have leadership training) and if our time zones are vastly different I can just respond when I wake up (US central time for me)

[Monsoon]

20 hours ago, scaredaroflux said:

Oh he is dEFINITELY NOT an ally. Very conservative. My church is the same, although that comment might become irrelevant soon- my church dissolves on 8/14/22. I'm more confident as an ace person now, but not as much aro. probably because of how I've grown up. However confident I feel about being aroace, the society that I live in breaks that confidence. Ace? I'm perfectly happy with that. But Aro? It's been crazy. Whenever I try to imagine myself in a relationship, I can't see it. I could never. But then society comes and breaks that down. I made myself aroace rings when I was confident about myself. And then I lost the Aro one, so the symbolism is kinda lost. I still have the ace one, though. Of course, my family just thinks I made two rings bc my sister makes jewelry all the time. But the rings helped me feel confident about my identity. Maybe it's stupid, but it's how I feel. I definitely don't want to be in a relationship, but everyone around me says I have to eventually. It's just hard. But thank you for your help in "my journey to self discovery" :)

haha, yea everyone around me is pretty anti-queer. I think(?) I'm the Prespryterian (i speeled that wrong) Church of America. But I could be wrong. But thank you for your words of encouragement. It's nice to know about the other LGBTQIA+ christian community. It's nice to know I'm not alone. But yea, my denomination is dEFINITELY not LGBTQIA+ friendly. I don't have any plans for coming out, and at the moment I don't think its safe for me to. Again, thank you so much. It has helped :D and most of my congregation is... older and super conservative. More adults than kids, at least. I don't think I'm ever gonna come out, just stay in life chilling in the closet 

Hey there,

You're more than welcome for the help in your self-discovery journey :)

Would you like anymore support, or are you good for now? 

[aroacebananas]

Hi everyone. 

Its been a very short journey chronologically, but for me it feels like its been forever. 

I'm Aroace and I'm confident in my identity. Well, not confident enough to come out, but still :)

I just want to thank everyone who has helped me out on this very weird road. 

*sends love and choccy milk your way*

There's one last thing I want to say:

Screw Amatonormativity and Allosexuality, the aroaces could use a little less of it. Please try to spread this message.

Love, 

aroacebananas

(formerly scaredaroflux)

Edited July 12, 2022 by aroacebananas

[aroacebananas]

HELLO!

So I know that I told you all that the weird road has ended.

Turns out that it's not.

I wasn't sure whether I was a Bi Aroace or Lesbian aroace.

Now I am (I'm Lesbian AroAce)

I wasn't sure if I was a Girlfluid or Demigirl.

Now I know that I just use she/they pronouns but am a cis woman.

JUST AN UPDATE

[Monsoon]

3 hours ago, aroacebananas said:

HELLO!

So I know that I told you all that the weird road has ended.

Turns out that it's not.

I wasn't sure whether I was a Bi Aroace or Lesbian aroace.

Now I am (I'm Lesbian AroAce)

I wasn't sure if I was a Girlfluid or Demigirl.

Now I know that I just use she/they pronouns but am a cis woman.

JUST AN UPDATE

Hey,

Thanks for the update! Would you like any support for now, or are you good? 

[aroacebananas]

On 8/9/2022 at 2:12 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Thanks for the update! Would you like any support for now, or are you good? 

Thanks, I'm good though :)

and literally screw whatever I said up there, I have absolutely no idea what I am now. (def not 100% girl, we'll just go with female adjacent blob, def aroace but screw attraction)

 

[Monsoon]

16 hours ago, aroacebananas said:

Thanks, I'm good though :)

and literally screw whatever I said up there, I have absolutely no idea what I am now. (def not 100% girl, we'll just go with female adjacent blob, def aroace but screw attraction)

Hey there,

That's okay that you don't know what you are right now, as that will come with time. Trust the process and know that you will have all of these answers one day :) 

We can continue to talk about it if you like, or anything else that you wish to get some advice on. Just let us know!