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I'm lost


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I'm thirteen, in a homophobic family and have a lot of unsaid secrets. There's a lot of chaos that goes on in my head everyday and I feel have no one to talk to. My older sister knows that I'm not straight, but she doesn't know that I'm actually pan. She's supportive yeah, but I don't really like to bring up the topic of my sexuality in front of her cause I see her discomfort. Everything seems so confusing these days, I don't know what to think, say or do. I have a reputation of being the good girl, the perfect girl, the girl who always does well the apple of my parents' eye, but I feel like if I came out than all of that would be gone. They'd refuse to call me their daughter. I don't know what to do. I'm lost

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Cherry_blossom1706

Welcome to the DTL community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give support to those who reach out to us.

It sounds like you're experiencing a lot of conflict at the moment which is completely normal when you're LGBTQ+, especially before you come out. I just want you to know that this is a safe space and you can talk to us about anything; you're already coping with this and I know you will get through this difficult time. What do you think?

I'm wondering, how does it feel for you to open up here? 

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Hey,

Yeah, it's really helpful to be open about how we are feeling because this helps us to process what's going on and also get support from other people. I'm wondering, how do you think your family will react if you come out? 

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12 hours ago, Cherry_blossom1706 said:

I'd most likely be sent to some elders who would try to "talk some sense into me" by using the Bible and things like that. If not that then I'll most likely be sent away into someone else's care or something. I don't know

Hey there,

Ah, that sounds pretty intense and scary. How does it make you feel knowing that you might be sent away for your identity? It sounds like you could potentially be in quite an unsafe situation by being open about your sexuality; what do you think? 

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10 hours ago, Cherry_blossom1706 said:

My parents love me, that I know. But My sexuality could do a lot to our relationship, and that is honestly the most important thing to me. I love being me, but I'm scared that they may not except me and that really hurts

Hi there, it must be really hard wanting to share your authentic self with the ones you love and are closest to. Is there anyone in your wider family or close family friends that you think might be understanding?  

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22 minutes ago, Cherry_blossom1706 said:

My best friend, we don't really talk much about my relationship status but when I do tell her about someone that I like, she helps me stop overthinking and lights my way. I really don't know what I would do If I didn't have her

She sounds like an amazing friend.

Do you think this is something you could potentially share with her? I'm wondering if this might release some tension or pressure while you navigate deciding to share with your parents? Again, always consider your safety in that would this stay with your friend and not reach your parents until you are ready to share. 

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