Can't control my feelings for this girl I met online, where do I go from here?

[H0ax]

 

Already made a post on Reddit, but figured the more advice the better, so here goes.

Okay, so some backstory for context - buckle up, cause this might take a while:

I'm a straight dude in his early 20s who's never been in a relationship, cause I prefer to meet people naturally and not through dating apps or setups from mutual friends etc., but maybe I should stop being so picky? Idk. I don't mind the fact that I've never had a gf, cause I believe that the right person will come along eventually and that'll be that - I really feel like this girl is this person. I'm an above average-looking dude, tall and in decent shape, and I have no issues chatting to girls, listening to their interests, and getting them giggling etc. Trouble is, I'm hopeless at being forward, flirting, and dropping hints that I'm into someone, wanting to turn things up a notch.

So, how I met this girl - I'm a small streamer on Twitch, with a community of about half a dozen people or so. One of these people is the girl in question. She popped into a stream about 6 months back and we gradually got talking more and she's now a regualar in chat. She adds so much to my streams, just by herself and personality. We started chatting off-stream, where we learnt each other's real names etc. and just more personal stuff about each other. Guys, believe me when I say I've never had the pleasure of talking to someone who's simultaneously so funny, smart (speaks 4 languages), kindhearted, ambitious and flirty. She's got everything. She's perfect. An issue though, and this'll sound silly and it's why I feel kinda dumb about it sometimes, is that I don't know what she looks like - the conversations have been so genuine and we've got to know each other so well that she's definitely not fake or anything, and tbh I don't really mind how she looks like at the end of the day. She's everything I look for in someone.

I found out that she's a similar age and lives relatively locally to me, and asked her if she ever fancied meeting up at some point, to which she replied something like 'Yeah, I'd love to, you seem fun, but I'm not sure I'm ready right now!'. This was about a month ago, and I don't want to nag, so I haven't asked her again since. Here's where my first problem is - I like talking to her and having her around during my streams so much that I'm afraid to get too pushy or confess that I've pretty much completely fallen for her. I really don't want to scare her away. So I thought my best bet was to play a waiting game. But this is where problem number two comes in - there's a good friend of mine a few years older than me who I know in person and watches my streams all the time who also happens to be chatting (just chatting, as far as I'm aware) to this girl. And boy, I've never felt such jealousy in my life - the logical part of my brain tells me I'm being an ass, but I just can't help it. This guy also doesn't have my issue of struggling to be forward - he's great with women and has recently gotten out of a long-term relationship. They talk all the time and I can't help feeling that his natural forwardness and experience are eventually going to win her over. So I feel like I can't wait. I don't even know if their conversations are platonic or flirtatious, and of course I can't pry into their conversations or be daft and tell him to stop talking to her, cause he's well within his right to do so obviously.

So I'm stuck in the middle of this awful situation where I want to make a move on this girl, but don't want to freak her out, and also don't want to lose a friend over this either. The chemistry and the deep conversations I've had with this girl are second to none, and every day I can't stop thinking about her and this issue. It's consuming my life. Again, part of me knows it's a bit silly and I should get over it, but the other part tells me that I can't afford to mess this up, that I can't let her go. The logical side of me has no control over the emotional side of me at the moment. It feels like being locked in a cage in your own home while you helplessly watch another part of yourself burn it down.

I'm completely lost guys, it's taking such a toll on my already fragile mental health. I've never felt like this about someone before. What should I do? How should I approach this? Any and all advice would be appreciated so much, thanks in advance.

 

[Cat!!!]

Well, I think that you won't be nagging her if it's already been a month or you can even ask her to send you a photo for her contact profile on your phone. I get being forward is hard but if you really like her then you should try to be in-person friends not just online try to ask her to go to the park or even a cafe for a snack and drink keep it simple but push for a little more then what you have. Then BAM she's yours and you don't have to worry as much about other guys

[Daisie]

Hey @H0ax Welcome to the Community! 

I am Daisie a Community Warden here on the forums and I just wanted to give you a warm welcome to this amazing safe space. We have Trained Mentors on hand to offer support and advice so I will tag them in so you know who they are and so they can reach out to you. @Monsoon & @Blondie

Look forward to seeing you around.

[Monsoon]

On 5/15/2022 at 3:16 AM, H0ax said:

Already made a post on Reddit, but figured the more advice the better, so here goes.

Okay, so some backstory for context - buckle up, cause this might take a while:

I'm a straight dude in his early 20s who's never been in a relationship, cause I prefer to meet people naturally and not through dating apps or setups from mutual friends etc., but maybe I should stop being so picky? Idk. I don't mind the fact that I've never had a gf, cause I believe that the right person will come along eventually and that'll be that - I really feel like this girl is this person. I'm an above average-looking dude, tall and in decent shape, and I have no issues chatting to girls, listening to their interests, and getting them giggling etc. Trouble is, I'm hopeless at being forward, flirting, and dropping hints that I'm into someone, wanting to turn things up a notch.

So, how I met this girl - I'm a small streamer on Twitch, with a community of about half a dozen people or so. One of these people is the girl in question. She popped into a stream about 6 months back and we gradually got talking more and she's now a regualar in chat. She adds so much to my streams, just by herself and personality. We started chatting off-stream, where we learnt each other's real names etc. and just more personal stuff about each other. Guys, believe me when I say I've never had the pleasure of talking to someone who's simultaneously so funny, smart (speaks 4 languages), kindhearted, ambitious and flirty. She's got everything. She's perfect. An issue though, and this'll sound silly and it's why I feel kinda dumb about it sometimes, is that I don't know what she looks like - the conversations have been so genuine and we've got to know each other so well that she's definitely not fake or anything, and tbh I don't really mind how she looks like at the end of the day. She's everything I look for in someone.

I found out that she's a similar age and lives relatively locally to me, and asked her if she ever fancied meeting up at some point, to which she replied something like 'Yeah, I'd love to, you seem fun, but I'm not sure I'm ready right now!'. This was about a month ago, and I don't want to nag, so I haven't asked her again since. Here's where my first problem is - I like talking to her and having her around during my streams so much that I'm afraid to get too pushy or confess that I've pretty much completely fallen for her. I really don't want to scare her away. So I thought my best bet was to play a waiting game. But this is where problem number two comes in - there's a good friend of mine a few years older than me who I know in person and watches my streams all the time who also happens to be chatting (just chatting, as far as I'm aware) to this girl. And boy, I've never felt such jealousy in my life - the logical part of my brain tells me I'm being an ass, but I just can't help it. This guy also doesn't have my issue of struggling to be forward - he's great with women and has recently gotten out of a long-term relationship. They talk all the time and I can't help feeling that his natural forwardness and experience are eventually going to win her over. So I feel like I can't wait. I don't even know if their conversations are platonic or flirtatious, and of course I can't pry into their conversations or be daft and tell him to stop talking to her, cause he's well within his right to do so obviously.

So I'm stuck in the middle of this awful situation where I want to make a move on this girl, but don't want to freak her out, and also don't want to lose a friend over this either. The chemistry and the deep conversations I've had with this girl are second to none, and every day I can't stop thinking about her and this issue. It's consuming my life. Again, part of me knows it's a bit silly and I should get over it, but the other part tells me that I can't afford to mess this up, that I can't let her go. The logical side of me has no control over the emotional side of me at the moment. It feels like being locked in a cage in your own home while you helplessly watch another part of yourself burn it down.

I'm completely lost guys, it's taking such a toll on my already fragile mental health. I've never felt like this about someone before. What should I do? How should I approach this? Any and all advice would be appreciated so much, thanks in advance.

Hey @H0ax

Welcome to the community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice to those who reach out to us. 

I don't think you're being silly at all. This is a really tricky situation; I can really see how much you like her, but also that part of you that really wants to give her the space and time that she hinted at needing. I'm wondering, if you had a friend in this same situation, what advice would you give to them? 

[H0ax]

Thanks @Cat!!!, @Daisie and @Monsoon for your replies, I appreciate it! To answer your question @Monsoon, I'd probably tell them to have a discussion with their friend (who's also interested in this girl) and talk it over,  just so that they're both clear which page the other person is on, if that makes sense? Other than that, I really don't know, I'd be kinda useless haha

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

I think that sounds like a really good idea; it might just be strictly friendly between them two, and finding that out would help you a lot, I imagine. Do you think it would be helpful to talk it through? 

[H0ax]

Hey again,

I think it could be potentially useful for us to have that conversation - I mean, it could definitely give me some peace of mind, regardless of whether they're just friendly or something more - but at the same time I feel like it might make things awkward between us, and make it worse. For example, how would I even go about starting that discussion? I feel like it's difficult so ask him about her without coming across as nosy or jealous. 

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Hmm, yeah, it might make things awkward, but I think you need to hear whatever their position is in order to decide what to do next. How well do you know him? Could you tell him you like her and just see what he says generally? 

[H0ax]

Hi again,

I've only ever met up with him a few times in person, but we talk a lot online, so I've got to know him pretty well that way. And I agree, I think I do need to know where he stands in all this, and I think next time I speak to him, I could tell him how I feel about her, and see what happens. If you think that's a reasonable course of action, I'll give it a go, for sure!

[Monsoon]

13 hours ago, H0ax said:

Hi again,

I've only ever met up with him a few times in person, but we talk a lot online, so I've got to know him pretty well that way. And I agree, I think I do need to know where he stands in all this, and I think next time I speak to him, I could tell him how I feel about her, and see what happens. If you think that's a reasonable course of action, I'll give it a go, for sure!

Hey,

Yeah, it's definitely a reasonable course of action - good luck! Would you like support with anything else for now, or are you good? 

[H0ax]

Hi again,

I think I'm all good for now, thanks so much for all your help - I'll let you know what happens once we have that conversation!