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Figuring out my sexuality: How do I understand myself?


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Hello :) I'm very confused about my sexuality. Growing up I found both male and female characters attractive. At a younger age I believe I had a crush on a boy based on my memories of how I felt and acted around him. Later on there was this girl for whom I felt sort of the same way. I'm unsure but I think I may have been romantically however not sexually attracted to both of them if that makes sense. I met another guy who I  believe I had a crush on because he looked similar to the boy I mentioned before but that didn't last long. I encountered another woman recently who I liked as well but now my feelings for her feel complicated, making it difficult for me to get a grasp on how I feel. I've been questioning my feelings for all of these people, whether I've been confusing a desire for friendship for something else. I want to understand myself better but I don't know how to achieve that. 

 

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10 hours ago, berryberry said:

Hello :) I'm very confused about my sexuality. Growing up I found both male and female characters attractive. At a younger age I believe I had a crush on a boy based on my memories of how I felt and acted around him. Later on there was this girl for whom I felt sort of the same way. I'm unsure but I think I may have been romantically however not sexually attracted to both of them if that makes sense. I met another guy who I  believe I had a crush on because he looked similar to the boy I mentioned before but that didn't last long. I encountered another woman recently who I liked as well but now my feelings for her feel complicated, making it difficult for me to get a grasp on how I feel. I've been questioning my feelings for all of these people, whether I've been confusing a desire for friendship for something else. I want to understand myself better but I don't know how to achieve that. 

Hey @berryberry

Welcome. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice to those who reach out :)

I think that the first big step to understanding yourself better is to speak out about how you're feeling which you're already doing, so that's good. I'm wondering, have you spoken to other people who are unsure of their sexuality? If so, how was that for you? 

 

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30 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @berryberry

Welcome. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice to those who reach out :)

I think that the first big step to understanding yourself better is to speak out about how you're feeling which you're already doing, so that's good. I'm wondering, have you spoken to other people who are unsure of their sexuality? If so, how was that for you? 

I told a friend and she came out as bisexual to me. She said she slowly put the pieces together through how she felt about people around her and looking back at her childhood she felt it was always there but she was unaware of it because she didn't know she could like women too. I haven't spoken to anyone who was still exploring who they were. Conversations I've had around sexuality in general, most people either mention that they're sure they're straight or that they are unaccepting towards those who are not and don't want to talk about it. 

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Well first of all you can talk to anyone here, we're basically all gay or bi 🤣. And second of all I recommend a little thought game that really helped me figure myself out, basically you try to imagine yourself in different situations with different genders. Can you imagine yourself having a girlfriend? going on a date with a guy? kissing a girl? Having sex with a guy? 

Once you kinda identify what you think you can and can't do try experimenting, maybe go out with a girl?  (be sure to mention that you're still figuring things out as not to mislead her) 

above all else don't feel pressured to come out sooner than you're ready to. There's no time constraints, and coming out is something you should do for your own well being, you don't owe it to anyone. 

Anyway if you need someone to vent to I'm always here 👍

 

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On 5/13/2022 at 7:15 AM, berryberry said:

I told a friend and she came out as bisexual to me. She said she slowly put the pieces together through how she felt about people around her and looking back at her childhood she felt it was always there but she was unaware of it because she didn't know she could like women too. I haven't spoken to anyone who was still exploring who they were. Conversations I've had around sexuality in general, most people either mention that they're sure they're straight or that they are unaccepting towards those who are not and don't want to talk about it. 

Hey there,

How was it for you when you heard about her experiences of putting it together? Did it help at all? I'm focusing on that because it does take a while to figure out your sexuality, and just remember that it's fluid, so may change over time. However, it won't always be like this, and it will get better; you just have to try and be patient with it all.

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