Trying to come out

[Alex.97]

Hey everyone, 

I need some advice.

I'm bisexual and I know it.

I want a girlfriend but I can't help feeling that its wrong.

 

I have extremely homophobic parents and I know for a fact they wont accept me being bisexual because it goes against all their beliefs and everything they stand for.

My mom is a Sunday school teacher and my aunt is the pastor of the church I go to, the church is very toxic and I can't just not go to it because I am forced to be there every Sunday and shamed if I don't go. 

They hate lgbtq+ and I am afraid they will disregard me or try to "fix" me if I tell them.

They will probably take away my devices and ground me instead of talking to me about it.

I really want to come out but I feel it will do my harm than any good.  

What should I do? 

 

 

 

[Monsoon]

Hey @Alex.97

Welcome :) 

I'm sorry to hear that your parents are extremely homophobic. How does it feel for you knowing how they view the community? I hope you're as okay as you can be - I bet this is quite upsetting for you. 

I'm wondering, by coming out, could you potentially be put in danger, like being sent to conversion therapy or getting kicked out? I know this is hard to think about, but we want to make sure you're safe and that's our main priority. Take care and speak soon. 

[Alex.97]

Hello @Monsoon,

Its very disappointing seeing how my parents view LGBTQ+ people in general,  and I feel like if I come out they wont see me the same anymore. 

This whole situation is very stressful for me as I am worried of their reaction and what they will think.

I don't think that I will be in any danger or that they will do anything extreme like kick me out, but sending me to a normal therapist might be something that could happen due to me being a young teen.

I have a cousin who is gay and everyone knows but he hasn't confirmed it, he hasn't openly talked to anyone about him being gay except for me and that's because my entire family thinks there's something wrong with him and I'm the only one who supports him. 

They don't  bother actually getting to know him and that's because when they see him all they think about is him being  "problematic", and that's exactly what I am afraid of happening to me.

I still want them to see me as the person I always was, but if I come out nothing will ever be the same.

 

[Chocolate chip 9909]

I understand ur worry but they r ur parents so deep down they will always love u. Also u could try talking to them… or u could drop hints so they can get used to it. But it sounds like at least ur cousin will support u.

[Alex.97]

1 minute ago, Chocolate chip 9909 said:

I understand ur worry but they r ur parents so deep down they will always love u. Also u could try talking to them… or u could drop hints so they can get used to it. But it sounds like at least ur cousin will support u.

My parents are very strict and aren't exactly open to learn about these type of things, I know they will still love me but I don't think the conversation is going to go well. They have already made it clear they don't agree or accept LGBTQ+ so I'm still worried they won't accept me. 

 

[Chocolate chip 9909]

Well  I am sorry to hear that.  I don’t really have any good advice. I’m sorry, stay strong 

[Alex.97]

1 minute ago, Chocolate chip 9909 said:

Well  I am sorry to hear that.  I don’t really have any good advice. I’m sorry, stay strong 

Thank you 

[Chocolate chip 9909]

ur welcome

[Monsoon]

18 hours ago, Alex.97 said:

Hello @Monsoon,

Its very disappointing seeing how my parents view LGBTQ+ people in general,  and I feel like if I come out they wont see me the same anymore. 

This whole situation is very stressful for me as I am worried of their reaction and what they will think.

I don't think that I will be in any danger or that they will do anything extreme like kick me out, but sending me to a normal therapist might be something that could happen due to me being a young teen.

I have a cousin who is gay and everyone knows but he hasn't confirmed it, he hasn't openly talked to anyone about him being gay except for me and that's because my entire family thinks there's something wrong with him and I'm the only one who supports him. 

They don't  bother actually getting to know him and that's because when they see him all they think about is him being  "problematic", and that's exactly what I am afraid of happening to me.

I still want them to see me as the person I always was, but if I come out nothing will ever be the same.

Hey there,

Can you tell me more about why you feel like nothing will ever be the same if you come out, and in what way it might end up being different? Also, it might be worth thinking about how things could be different in a positive sense as well. Speak soon. 

[Dywwik]

On 5/2/2022 at 9:03 AM, Alex.97 said:

Hey everyone, 

I need some advice.

I'm bisexual and I know it.

I want a girlfriend but I can't help feeling that its wrong.

I have extremely homophobic parents and I know for a fact they wont accept me being bisexual because it goes against all their beliefs and everything they stand for.

My mom is a Sunday school teacher and my aunt is the pastor of the church I go to, the church is very toxic and I can't just not go to it because I am forced to be there every Sunday and shamed if I don't go. 

They hate lgbtq+ and I am afraid they will disregard me or try to "fix" me if I tell them.

They will probably take away my devices and ground me instead of talking to me about it.

I really want to come out but I feel it will do my harm than any good.  

What should I do? 

I'm probably not the proper person to say this, maybe I am. My mother also was a "Sunday School teacher". I had very catholic grand-parents. I was terrified. I knew my aunt was shunned by my grandmother. (This aunt isn't related by blood to the family, she married my uncle). And I was truly scared. I came out to my mom, and it took her about a month or so to take in the news and afterwards, she changed her ideology. I eventually also became a "Sunday school teacher". I don't know I you have faith, but if ever you need help with your faith, you can always write me. I'll be happy to help on that level! 

I would suggest to continue talking with @Monsoon, he is a better help in the coming out department than me because I mostly only know my own.

Best of luck! 

[Dywwik]

Just now, Dywwik said:

I'm probably not the proper person to say this, maybe I am. My mother also was a "Sunday School teacher". I had very catholic grand-parents. I was terrified. I knew my aunt was shunned by my grandmother. (This aunt isn't related by blood to the family, she married my uncle). And I was truly scared. I came out to my mom, and it took her about a month or so to take in the news and afterwards, she changed her ideology. I eventually also became a "Sunday school teacher". I don't know I you have faith, but if ever you need help with your faith, you can always write me. I'll be happy to help on that level! 

I would suggest to continue talking with @Monsoon, he is a better help in the coming out department than me because I mostly only know my own.

Best of luck! 

(I forgot to mention, my aunt is gay)

[Alex.97]

13 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Can you tell me more about why you feel like nothing will ever be the same if you come out, and in what way it might end up being different? Also, it might be worth thinking about how things could be different in a positive sense as well. Speak soon. 

If I came out I would feel like  they wouldn't look at me the same or treat me the same. I could think about how there would be a positive outcome if i told them but they made it clear before they don't accept LGBTQ+ people. 

but not just my parents also the rest of my family like aunts and uncles, I don't want to lose the relationship I have with them.

I'm 80% sure my parents will blame social media for "making me think" I'm  bisexual and they will end up just taking my phone away.

[Alex.97]

4 hours ago, Dywwik said:

I'm probably not the proper person to say this, maybe I am. My mother also was a "Sunday School teacher". I had very catholic grand-parents. I was terrified. I knew my aunt was shunned by my grandmother. (This aunt isn't related by blood to the family, she married my uncle). And I was truly scared. I came out to my mom, and it took her about a month or so to take in the news and afterwards, she changed her ideology. I eventually also became a "Sunday school teacher". I don't know I you have faith, but if ever you need help with your faith, you can always write me. I'll be happy to help on that level! 

I would suggest to continue talking with @Monsoon, he is a better help in the coming out department than me because I mostly only know my own.

Best of luck! 

Hello!

I really wish there was someone at my church who I could talk to about this whole thing because even through it all I still want to have a relationship with God. 

The church I go has a very old mindset and I'm afraid I wont be accepted as a Christian if I come out. 

My mom has never considered my feelings and all she wants me and my sister to do is look like the perfect Christian children. That's probably why she acts like the whole worlds going to end if we miss one week of church. 

She constantly says "How's it going to look if my children miss church" 

so its just about how she looks and how she wants to be seen as.

I do want to have a better relationship with God.

 

[Monsoon]

1 hour ago, Alex.97 said:

If I came out I would feel like  they wouldn't look at me the same or treat me the same. I could think about how there would be a positive outcome if i told them but they made it clear before they don't accept LGBTQ+ people. 

but not just my parents also the rest of my family like aunts and uncles, I don't want to lose the relationship I have with them.

I'm 80% sure my parents will blame social media for "making me think" I'm  bisexual and they will end up just taking my phone away.

Hey there,

Yeah, I totally get that you don't want to lose the relationships you have with them. Coming out can be nerve-wracking, and we fear a lot of change. What would it be like for you to lose those relationships?

I will say though, I've supported many people through coming out, and sometimes, there can be negative reactions at first, but over time, they usually come around to the news; it can just take a while which means you have to be patient, but there is hope. That family bond is so strong and helps people to become more open minded because of the love they have for their family member; what do you think? If it is bad at first, could it get better as time goes on?

[Dywwik]

10 hours ago, Alex.97 said:

Hello!

I really wish there was someone at my church who I could talk to about this whole thing because even through it all I still want to have a relationship with God. 

The church I go has a very old mindset and I'm afraid I wont be accepted as a Christian if I come out. 

My mom has never considered my feelings and all she wants me and my sister to do is look like the perfect Christian children. That's probably why she acts like the whole worlds going to end if we miss one week of church. 

She constantly says "How's it going to look if my children miss church" 

so its just about how she looks and how she wants to be seen as.

I do want to have a better relationship with God.

I also have many people tell me that there are many lgbt people in church but I only saw one couple. I ask my spiritual guide "Where are they?" I try to be flamboyant so people feel more safe to be themselves in my church but it's feels like a burden now a days. I find it important so I continue. 

Be strong!

[Alex.97]

9 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, I totally get that you don't want to lose the relationships you have with them. Coming out can be nerve-wracking, and we fear a lot of change. What would it be like for you to lose those relationships?

I will say though, I've supported many people through coming out, and sometimes, there can be negative reactions at first, but over time, they usually come around to the news; it can just take a while which means you have to be patient, but there is hope. That family bond is so strong and helps people to become more open minded because of the love they have for their family member; what do you think? If it is bad at first, could it get better as time goes on?

Yeah, maybe it could actually get better. I never thought of that. I'm going to wait a while before coming out and when the time's right I will tell them.  Thank you for all the advice @Monsoon. 

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Yeah, it really does get better for a lot of people, but it's normal to focus on the potential downsides instead of the positives in this kind of situation. Also, you're welcome for the advice. Would you like anymore support for now, or are you good?