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Kinda impossible situation


Randomgirl.
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I kinda already know that there’s only one obvious solution to this situation but I’m gonna post this anyway, just because I need clarification (and a good vent). So I know this girl. Well not exactly. Kinda a social media crush where you stalk their accounts but never actually talk. I doubt she even knows who I am. But anyway, this girl is so drop dead gorgeous, and i would love to get to know her. I know she’s a year older than me in school (she’s in a different school than me) and she’s also gay (I think). Sounds perfect right? Wrong. I’m not out, so it kinda rules out any chance of being in a relationship. Also I wouldn’t even know how to go about talking to a girl. So really the only thing I can do, is nothing. I know it’s kinda weird to think about someone you don’t even know this much, and maybe it’s just because i know barely any other gays, but it pains me that I can’t even try, that if I don’t we’ll probably never know eachother at all. WWYD?

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

Thank you for sharing this with us. I totally get how it would pain you to not even try; from supporting people in similar situations, I've learned how hard it can be to want to connect with your people, but also feeling unable to do this because of still being in the closet. I can also imagine that this must be pretty frustrating for you? I'm just going to throw this out there, how do you feel about coming out at the moment? Do you feel ready?

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2 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Thank you for sharing this with us. I totally get how it would pain you to not even try; from supporting people in similar situations, I've learned how hard it can be to want to connect with your people, but also feeling unable to do this because of still being in the closet. I can also imagine that this must be pretty frustrating for you? I'm just going to throw this out there, how do you feel about coming out at the moment? Do you feel ready?

Whenever I’m alone and giving it proper thought (which is a good lot of the time) I think I’m ready. I really want to be out. It would just be so much better not having to pretend. I’d be opening up a lot of opportunities to join new communities and get to know new people. So yeah, i think im ready. But then part of me doesn’t want to, because I don’t know if other people are ready to hear it. Im very fortunate that my family are open minded and definitely will support me, but im still in secondary school and everyone knows that teenagers are sometimes not the most friendly and accepting bunch. So I also kinda think maybe I’d be better off staying in the closet, even though I wish it was different.

 

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10 hours ago, Randomgirl. said:

Whenever I’m alone and giving it proper thought (which is a good lot of the time) I think I’m ready. I really want to be out. It would just be so much better not having to pretend. I’d be opening up a lot of opportunities to join new communities and get to know new people. So yeah, i think im ready. But then part of me doesn’t want to, because I don’t know if other people are ready to hear it. Im very fortunate that my family are open minded and definitely will support me, but im still in secondary school and everyone knows that teenagers are sometimes not the most friendly and accepting bunch. So I also kinda think maybe I’d be better off staying in the closet, even though I wish it was different.

Hey there,

Yeah, it's totally normal to wonder about how other people may react, especially people who are still in school. I think that at the end of the day, it comes down to the question around how long you want to carry on pretending for in order to protect people who may not want to hear it; what is more important, preventing them from potentially not wanting to hear it, or living as your true authentic self and opening up those opportunities? 

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On 4/26/2022 at 10:26 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, it's totally normal to wonder about how other people may react, especially people who are still in school. I think that at the end of the day, it comes down to the question around how long you want to carry on pretending for in order to protect people who may not want to hear it; what is more important, preventing them from potentially not wanting to hear it, or living as your true authentic self and opening up those opportunities? 

Yeah that’s also really true. So I’ve been kinda dropping a lot of hints to my friends lately like talking about lgbtq shows or books and stuff like that. I think I’m going to go on like that for a bit longer so it’ll be easier to come out if they’re kinda expecting it. I would really like to come out this year. And I mean, at risk of sounding a bit full of myself, I’m generally liked by most people. Of course people will see me differently, but I kind of want them to (in a good way of course not a bad way). So there are alot of positives of coming out.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

Yeah, exactly, there are lots of positives to coming out, and it gets to the point where you have to think about how long you can really stay in the closet for. There is so much joy to be found in living as your authentic self. I really like the approach you're taking around dropping hints so that people are then more prepared for it. How do you think they've felt about the hints? 

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I think some of them might be starting to think I’m not straight. I’m really lucky because I know all my friends will support me and will be fine with me coming out whenever I do. Some of them have jokingly said to me that they think I’m a lesbian. I never deny it and just laugh so I think they get it. There might be one or two that might need a while to warm up to the idea but that’s not a problem because I know they’ll be ok.

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13 hours ago, Randomgirl. said:

I think some of them might be starting to think I’m not straight. I’m really lucky because I know all my friends will support me and will be fine with me coming out whenever I do. Some of them have jokingly said to me that they think I’m a lesbian. I never deny it and just laugh so I think they get it. There might be one or two that might need a while to warm up to the idea but that’s not a problem because I know they’ll be ok.

Hey there,

Sounds like it's going pretty well then; how do you feel about that? :) 

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