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Tomorrow is church and my mom and dad are forcing me to go. I told them I wanted to take a break from that but they won't listen. Church makes me very uncomfortable and self conscious and I have had bad experiences in it. If I say no they'll take my phone away for a long time. What should I do?

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  • Digital Mentor
20 hours ago, Vivien_ said:

Tomorrow is church and my mom and dad are forcing me to go. I told them I wanted to take a break from that but they won't listen. Church makes me very uncomfortable and self conscious and I have had bad experiences in it. If I say no they'll take my phone away for a long time. What should I do?

Hey there,

If you don't go, can you cope without your phone for a long time when they take it away? It's a shame they don't listen to you, but hopefully that changes with time, and I guess that at this point, we will just have to work with how your situation is.Β 

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I can. But I have to go today, I don't really have a choice right now. I just hope I don't have to go next SundayΒ 

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Hey there,

How was it? Even if they do insist that you go, are you going to give it a miss? I guess the only sticking point is your phone which you've said you can go without. I just wonder if they might take other things away if they see you being fine without your phone.Β 

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It was alright but there was too many people and I got very uncomfortable. They might take my computer and writing tablet away. I can go without those too. I just hate being punished for saying no to something that makes me uncomfortable. My sister told me I could make friends but I can't socialize without feeling uncomfortable.

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Yeah, I would be less uncomfortable. I feel very self conscious and I have a lot of anxiety. When I'm forced to socialize I have a mini panic attack. I've had a bad experience making friends at a different church, so I don't know if I can make friends.

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17 hours ago, Vivien_ said:

Yeah, I would be less uncomfortable. I feel very self conscious and I have a lot of anxiety. When I'm forced to socialize I have a mini panic attack. I've had a bad experience making friends at a different church, so I don't know if I can make friends.

Hey there,

Can you tell me what happened with making friends at a different church?

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They turned out fake and stopped talking to me. We were in the same Sunday school so I had to see them every Sunday. The same thing happened to my sisters.

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  • Digital Mentor
10 hours ago, Vivien_ said:

They turned out fake and stopped talking to me. We were in the same Sunday school so I had to see them every Sunday. The same thing happened to my sisters.

Hey,

Ah, that sucks and must have been quite hurtful for you. I noticed that you said you had a bad experience making friends at that church and now you don't know if you can make friends. Can you tell me more about why you don't know if you can?Β 

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I have social anxiety and its really hard for me to talk to people. My hearing and speaking usually stop working properly, because of my anxiety. And I'm scared they'll hate me and stop talking to me.

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  • Digital Mentor
2 hours ago, Vivien_ said:

I have social anxiety and its really hard for me to talk to people. My hearing and speaking usually stop working properly, because of my anxiety. And I'm scared they'll hate me and stop talking to me.

Hey,

That sounds really tough. How do you find it having the social anxiety?Β 

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It's hard for me to talk to people and I usually avoid public places. Whenever I'm forced to socialize I panic a little. People just make me uncomfortable, but I do want friends. So it's a bit annoying.

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  • Digital Mentor
14 hours ago, Vivien_ said:

It's hard for me to talk to people and I usually avoid public places. Whenever I'm forced to socialize I panic a little. People just make me uncomfortable, but I do want friends. So it's a bit annoying.

Hey,

Yeah, I completely get why that's annoying. I'm wondering, what do you think has helped you to socialise and build connections with people in the past?

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Well, I've never really socialized when I was younger. When I did make friends they were the ones who talked to me.

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  • Digital Mentor
13 hours ago, Vivien_ said:

Well, I've never really socialized when I was younger. When I did make friends they were the ones who talked to me.

Hey,

It would be helpful to explore that more, because making friends is a two way thing. What do you think helped you to become friendly with those people in the past?Β 

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23 hours ago, Vivien_ said:

Time, it took awhile for me to get used to them. Then it would be easy to talk to them.

Hey there,

That sounds like a good tip to make more friends in the future then, just giving it time. I'm wondering, who is the person you're closest to at the moment?Β 

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Hey there,

That's okay. You have the community here and we are here for you :)Β 

So, we've spoken about how you have social anxiety and that you usually avoid public places, but still want friends. I'm wondering, could it be helpful to try out some strategies to calm down when you're feeling anxious?

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  • Digital Mentor
On 4/19/2022 at 7:39 PM, Vivien_ said:

Sure.

Hey there,

Would you like to have a read of these support guides and maybe pick out a few things that you want to try?Β 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/7-tips-for-overcoming-social-anxiety/

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/how-to-look-after-mental-health/

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/101-ultimate-ways-chill-reduce-stress/

Β 

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