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I’m questioning my bffs loyalty


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So my best friend and I have been bffs for almost 6 years. Not once have I even been mad at her nor has she done anything to me that was messed up. We’ve always got each others back and we’re constantly there for each other. Besides with this one situation. My bff and I had a mutual friend that we decided to start hanging out with more that was cool and didn’t seem crazy like everyone else; we’re gonna call her Nancy. Nancy had a lot of problems that sprouted after a couple of weeks of hanging with her. Such as no job, living problems, and no car. On top of that I love to help people, and I have a problem with saying no sometimes. So I got her a job at where I was working, I drove her constantly, and I smoked her up constantly too.  But I didn’t care about any of that cause I was her friend and I thought she was mine. So my boyfriend at the time was also bffs with her so it all worked out. Until I saw how friendly they were and it made me uncomfortable so I said something to the both of them individually and they responded that they repulsed each other in that kind of way so I was like okay and didn’t think anything of it. Now let’s fast forward, my bf, bff and I are getting tired of Nancy asking for rides cause now she has a car but she just has to fill out the paperwork for it but she’s just not doing it. We’re also realizing now that the only time she hits any of us up is for a ride and would cover it up by saying let’s hang. Now we’re fed up and tired and just stopped supplying rides. So now we’re all still talking and then my bf and I were planning a trip and we wanted everyone to go. So it was 8 of us in this group. Everyone had a responsibility for different things. Nancy volunteered herself to do the excursions since she went to the destination before. So she was responsible for this and we planned the tickets and hotel a month and a half before the trip. All of us wanted everything planned before so we knew it was in our budget and so we had enough for the actual trip. But all the excursions were planned 2 weeks before the trip because Nancy wasn’t holding up to her end. Not only me but everyone in the group was asking her about it but I was being more persistent because I needed to know what was going on. But three weeks before the trip I stopped by our job to speak to Nancy  and then she was talking to a customer that was acquainted with her. We all started talking then I continued to talk about the trip and the customer says “oh yeah what about that annoying girl in the group chat?” And I excused her and then Nancy tried to change the subject but I quickly went back and asked the customer to repeat herself which she did and I said “oh she was talking about me, but the only reason I’m being ‘annoying’ is because she’s suppose to plan everything” and the customer looks to her and says “oh so you didn’t tell me the whole story” and Nancy wraps her arm around my neck and says “it’s okay I know you talk crap about me so it’s okay”. I look at her in pure disgust because of everything I just heard, and the fact she thinks that I’ve ever talked down on her even though I only helped her. I tell my bf what happened and he told me I would have to play Along for now until after the trip cause it was too late to return anything. So I just decided not to speak to her until a few days before the trip my bff and I were going to the beach but stopped at her job since we get discounts for food and drinks. She asks us when we go up the counter “omg why don’t you guys hit me up anymore” mind you we’ve all been watching her stories with her going out with other people and having fun without any of us and we constantly talked in the group chat. Then my bff says “well you’re the one who’s too busy to hit us up” and then after she said that I was annoyed with Nancy’s aura so I left the store.  Now fast forward to the trip Nancy was a hot mess and and we only had 2 things planned for the whole trip. Which we only did one of those things because the other thing was a scam. I told myself to not flip out on her in any kind of way to try and stay calm and collected until day 3 of our trip came. This girl lost her glasses in the ocean which we told her not to bring multiple times, crashed into one of the girls on the scooters, wasted all of our times constantly, was being self involved the whole time and was being a cockblock. So keep in mind I was the one who brought weed on the trip and it was enough for the whole trip. That evening On day 3 I was already super annoyed by her because of everything that happened. Also this whole time she’s been on me about smoking every 30 minutes or so, but I didn’t mind because I smoked too. But on our way to the beach after all of those events happened I only brought 3 j’s to the beach and she asks me to smoke and I tell her “here make this last cause you’re not gonna get anymore” she’s smokes the j with 2 other people in our group. Legit it was a 15 minute walk to the beach and she asks me to smoke and I said “wheres the j I just gave you?” And she was like “I didn’t think you were being serious” and I was like “I was being deadass serious” and now she has an attitude. We’re at the beach and I already drank a little too so I was feeling calm and nice. And I’m a little clumsy when I’m cross faded. So I was putting my towel down and I accidentally got sand into one of our other friends eyes and I immediately went into mommy mode and I said “omg I’m so sorry, can you look up and blink your eye….. etc.” and then I go over to the cooler to grab her a water and Nancy has a big scrape on her leg from the scooter accident and I while grabbing the water from the cooler I had to walk over her leg and I accidentally got sand on her leg and said in an attitude “you got sand on me” and I said in a normal voice  “well you gotta go into the water anyways so go clean it off” and she continues to say “well you can fucking apologize to the both of us for a change” and I said excuse me and I corrected her and I politely told her to fuck off. And I went into the water. I told my bff what happened but she was almost at the blackout point and she said “you gotta take control of the weed situation or she’s just gonna walk all over you” so I said you’re right. I only smoked with the other girls cause she clearly didn’t know boundaries. I knew she was in pain. I knew she wanted to smoke but I didn’t want her to think she can speak to me how ever she wanted. So I found out she continued to talk crap about me on the trip as if it’s not gonna come back to me, which it did. On top of that she didn’t like the fact that I was the only person she could get weed from. She asked me twice for weed after the fact I already told her no and that she was talking shit about me. And the second time I told her to go fuck herself and she replied with “I’m not gonna have anyone talk to me like that” and I said you can go fuck yourself again with other very cruel obnoxious words  that followed, but my boyfriend already separated me from her cause he knew how upset I was already and I had liquid courage in my system on top of that. I warned everyone in the whole group that if she said anything to me that whole trip that I was gonna fuck her up. Our last day of our trip I gave them enough weed to last them the day and she didn’t say a word to me, until we went out that night. We both had liquid courage in our systems and I was just Vibing with everyone and she tries to ask me for weed again, I walk away. So we’re at the end of the night and she huffing and puffing throwing another tantrum. But I’m waiting for everyone to come out so we can all smoke together, by the time the other people came out there Uber came moments after and they left and I just lit another j so we can all smoke. And she comes outside starts getting upset cause now there’s a j lit and she’s not smoking it. Starts talking shit again and my asshole self goes “what? You’re that desperate?” And she’s off her rails and I’m over in the other corner cracking up and cussing her out. After that once we got to the hotel I pop off with all the cusses in the book and I say everything that I’ve bottled up before the trip and during the trip. And everyone is in disbelief. And now she’s just trying to cover up her tail, by saying she forgot about all of that stuff. I go to bed and we go home the next day and relieved cause I never gotta deal with her. But my bf at the time and bff are still friends with her and she keeps telling them that she wants closure and shit and my bf asks her about everything to see what her side of the story is. She flat out starts lying to him and then he asked her questions as to what really happened and she was like oh yeah that happened . So now she would do anything to make her look like she’s not in the wrong. But at this point In my life I’m over her. Months have passed by and my bf and I broke up. And I find out after the breakup that she kissed my bf while I was with him. And I tell my BFF everything I found out. I had exact date and time when she did that. So i told my bff because she was still friends with her and I said to her “this is the people you keep around you” and we went into a long conversation about her being friends with her and she told me how she’s going to stay friends with Nancy and if she does anything to her then I was right about her. It was also my fault because I told her “I’m not telling you who to be friends with but look at the people who you keep around” And she said they might’ve done stuff to me but that doesn’t mean they’ll do it to her so she won’t not be friends with them and then I told her I wanted to speak to her about it later on cause I was busy and she tries to cut me off as a friend. So I tell her no that’s not gonna happen and we’re gonna talk. So we talked and she cried to me that she hates that people do such mean things to me and how I deserve better in my life and how she’s sorry about sending the cut off  text. But a couple of weeks ago I found out she was hanging out with Nancy and I really don’t like it. It genuinely makes me question if she’s a loyal friend. She’s also very stubborn so she’s not one to change her mind about stuff.  I just don’t know how to speak to her without her trying to cut me off but I want to also test to see if she would cut me off for someone who’s done so much bad to me. She also doesn’t involve me and Nancy in any kind of way, she keeps her friendships separate. But when she told me she was hanging out with her I felt nauseous. I also asked her if anyone talked crap about me if she would tell me and she said no. So it concerns me because I have been betrayed by other people besides Nancy in the past. I know that if the situation was reversed I’m the most loyal person you can meet, I would’ve stomped on anyone if they had beef with my bff. So how can I speak to my bff about how I feel and how I really don’t want her speaking to Nancy. 

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On 3/20/2022 at 9:47 PM, ineedadvice3221 said:

So my best friend and I have been bffs for almost 6 years. Not once have I even been mad at her nor has she done anything to me that was messed up. We’ve always got each others back and we’re constantly there for each other. Besides with this one situation. My bff and I had a mutual friend that we decided to start hanging out with more that was cool and didn’t seem crazy like everyone else; we’re gonna call her Nancy. Nancy had a lot of problems that sprouted after a couple of weeks of hanging with her. Such as no job, living problems, and no car. On top of that I love to help people, and I have a problem with saying no sometimes. So I got her a job at where I was working, I drove her constantly, and I smoked her up constantly too.  But I didn’t care about any of that cause I was her friend and I thought she was mine. So my boyfriend at the time was also bffs with her so it all worked out. Until I saw how friendly they were and it made me uncomfortable so I said something to the both of them individually and they responded that they repulsed each other in that kind of way so I was like okay and didn’t think anything of it. Now let’s fast forward, my bf, bff and I are getting tired of Nancy asking for rides cause now she has a car but she just has to fill out the paperwork for it but she’s just not doing it. We’re also realizing now that the only time she hits any of us up is for a ride and would cover it up by saying let’s hang. Now we’re fed up and tired and just stopped supplying rides. So now we’re all still talking and then my bf and I were planning a trip and we wanted everyone to go. So it was 8 of us in this group. Everyone had a responsibility for different things. Nancy volunteered herself to do the excursions since she went to the destination before. So she was responsible for this and we planned the tickets and hotel a month and a half before the trip. All of us wanted everything planned before so we knew it was in our budget and so we had enough for the actual trip. But all the excursions were planned 2 weeks before the trip because Nancy wasn’t holding up to her end. Not only me but everyone in the group was asking her about it but I was being more persistent because I needed to know what was going on. But three weeks before the trip I stopped by our job to speak to Nancy  and then she was talking to a customer that was acquainted with her. We all started talking then I continued to talk about the trip and the customer says “oh yeah what about that annoying girl in the group chat?” And I excused her and then Nancy tried to change the subject but I quickly went back and asked the customer to repeat herself which she did and I said “oh she was talking about me, but the only reason I’m being ‘annoying’ is because she’s suppose to plan everything” and the customer looks to her and says “oh so you didn’t tell me the whole story” and Nancy wraps her arm around my neck and says “it’s okay I know you talk crap about me so it’s okay”. I look at her in pure disgust because of everything I just heard, and the fact she thinks that I’ve ever talked down on her even though I only helped her. I tell my bf what happened and he told me I would have to play Along for now until after the trip cause it was too late to return anything. So I just decided not to speak to her until a few days before the trip my bff and I were going to the beach but stopped at her job since we get discounts for food and drinks. She asks us when we go up the counter “omg why don’t you guys hit me up anymore” mind you we’ve all been watching her stories with her going out with other people and having fun without any of us and we constantly talked in the group chat. Then my bff says “well you’re the one who’s too busy to hit us up” and then after she said that I was annoyed with Nancy’s aura so I left the store.  Now fast forward to the trip Nancy was a hot mess and and we only had 2 things planned for the whole trip. Which we only did one of those things because the other thing was a scam. I told myself to not flip out on her in any kind of way to try and stay calm and collected until day 3 of our trip came. This girl lost her glasses in the ocean which we told her not to bring multiple times, crashed into one of the girls on the scooters, wasted all of our times constantly, was being self involved the whole time and was being a cockblock. So keep in mind I was the one who brought weed on the trip and it was enough for the whole trip. That evening On day 3 I was already super annoyed by her because of everything that happened. Also this whole time she’s been on me about smoking every 30 minutes or so, but I didn’t mind because I smoked too. But on our way to the beach after all of those events happened I only brought 3 j’s to the beach and she asks me to smoke and I tell her “here make this last cause you’re not gonna get anymore” she’s smokes the j with 2 other people in our group. Legit it was a 15 minute walk to the beach and she asks me to smoke and I said “wheres the j I just gave you?” And she was like “I didn’t think you were being serious” and I was like “I was being deadass serious” and now she has an attitude. We’re at the beach and I already drank a little too so I was feeling calm and nice. And I’m a little clumsy when I’m cross faded. So I was putting my towel down and I accidentally got sand into one of our other friends eyes and I immediately went into mommy mode and I said “omg I’m so sorry, can you look up and blink your eye….. etc.” and then I go over to the cooler to grab her a water and Nancy has a big scrape on her leg from the scooter accident and I while grabbing the water from the cooler I had to walk over her leg and I accidentally got sand on her leg and said in an attitude “you got sand on me” and I said in a normal voice  “well you gotta go into the water anyways so go clean it off” and she continues to say “well you can fucking apologize to the both of us for a change” and I said excuse me and I corrected her and I politely told her to fuck off. And I went into the water. I told my bff what happened but she was almost at the blackout point and she said “you gotta take control of the weed situation or she’s just gonna walk all over you” so I said you’re right. I only smoked with the other girls cause she clearly didn’t know boundaries. I knew she was in pain. I knew she wanted to smoke but I didn’t want her to think she can speak to me how ever she wanted. So I found out she continued to talk crap about me on the trip as if it’s not gonna come back to me, which it did. On top of that she didn’t like the fact that I was the only person she could get weed from. She asked me twice for weed after the fact I already told her no and that she was talking shit about me. And the second time I told her to go fuck herself and she replied with “I’m not gonna have anyone talk to me like that” and I said you can go fuck yourself again with other very cruel obnoxious words  that followed, but my boyfriend already separated me from her cause he knew how upset I was already and I had liquid courage in my system on top of that. I warned everyone in the whole group that if she said anything to me that whole trip that I was gonna fuck her up. Our last day of our trip I gave them enough weed to last them the day and she didn’t say a word to me, until we went out that night. We both had liquid courage in our systems and I was just Vibing with everyone and she tries to ask me for weed again, I walk away. So we’re at the end of the night and she huffing and puffing throwing another tantrum. But I’m waiting for everyone to come out so we can all smoke together, by the time the other people came out there Uber came moments after and they left and I just lit another j so we can all smoke. And she comes outside starts getting upset cause now there’s a j lit and she’s not smoking it. Starts talking shit again and my asshole self goes “what? You’re that desperate?” And she’s off her rails and I’m over in the other corner cracking up and cussing her out. After that once we got to the hotel I pop off with all the cusses in the book and I say everything that I’ve bottled up before the trip and during the trip. And everyone is in disbelief. And now she’s just trying to cover up her tail, by saying she forgot about all of that stuff. I go to bed and we go home the next day and relieved cause I never gotta deal with her. But my bf at the time and bff are still friends with her and she keeps telling them that she wants closure and shit and my bf asks her about everything to see what her side of the story is. She flat out starts lying to him and then he asked her questions as to what really happened and she was like oh yeah that happened . So now she would do anything to make her look like she’s not in the wrong. But at this point In my life I’m over her. Months have passed by and my bf and I broke up. And I find out after the breakup that she kissed my bf while I was with him. And I tell my BFF everything I found out. I had exact date and time when she did that. So i told my bff because she was still friends with her and I said to her “this is the people you keep around you” and we went into a long conversation about her being friends with her and she told me how she’s going to stay friends with Nancy and if she does anything to her then I was right about her. It was also my fault because I told her “I’m not telling you who to be friends with but look at the people who you keep around” And she said they might’ve done stuff to me but that doesn’t mean they’ll do it to her so she won’t not be friends with them and then I told her I wanted to speak to her about it later on cause I was busy and she tries to cut me off as a friend. So I tell her no that’s not gonna happen and we’re gonna talk. So we talked and she cried to me that she hates that people do such mean things to me and how I deserve better in my life and how she’s sorry about sending the cut off  text. But a couple of weeks ago I found out she was hanging out with Nancy and I really don’t like it. It genuinely makes me question if she’s a loyal friend. She’s also very stubborn so she’s not one to change her mind about stuff.  I just don’t know how to speak to her without her trying to cut me off but I want to also test to see if she would cut me off for someone who’s done so much bad to me. She also doesn’t involve me and Nancy in any kind of way, she keeps her friendships separate. But when she told me she was hanging out with her I felt nauseous. I also asked her if anyone talked crap about me if she would tell me and she said no. So it concerns me because I have been betrayed by other people besides Nancy in the past. I know that if the situation was reversed I’m the most loyal person you can meet, I would’ve stomped on anyone if they had beef with my bff. So how can I speak to my bff about how I feel and how I really don’t want her speaking to Nancy. 

Hey there,

Thank you for sharing this with us. I completely get the reservations you have around your friend speaking with Nancy. I'm wondering, other than what you've said to her already about Nancy, what else do you think would be helpful for you to share with her about how you're feeling?

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On 3/22/2022 at 1:29 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Thank you for sharing this with us. I completely get the reservations you have around your friend speaking with Nancy. I'm wondering, other than what you've said to her already about Nancy, what else do you think would be helpful for you to share with her about what you’re feeling 

My best friend basically witnessed everything Nancy has done to me. If she didn’t see it first hand I told her right away.  Also I don’t know how to speak to her about this topic without the fear of losing her as a friend. So I really don’t know what to say nor do. I need advice as to what options I could possibly go with.

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Hey,

So last time you tried to speak about it, it seems like things got it of hand. I’m wondering though, have you pretty much already said everything you want to say, or is there more you’d like to talk about with your friend? 

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