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I have come out to my two sisters as Bi. They weren't very happy but they took it well. Now I want to come out to my mom. I know she'll hate me for it but I want to tell her. People say that you should come out when you have a safe place to go to, but I'll never have that. I'm only 16 and don't know if I should wait until I leave the house. Please help!

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Do you think that you should ask how she feels about the lgbtq+ community first? Just a question like β€˜what happens when two men are married’ might give you an idea of how she’ll react. Also, even if you don’t have a safe place to go, you can say you’re going to meet with a friend and come out right before you leave. That way you she can have some time to think on it before she reacts.Β 

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  • Digital Mentor
2 hours ago, Vivien_ said:

I have come out to my two sisters as Bi. They weren't very happy but they took it well. Now I want to come out to my mom. I know she'll hate me for it but I want to tell her. People say that you should come out when you have a safe place to go to, but I'll never have that. I'm only 16 and don't know if I should wait until I leave the house. Please help!

Hey @Vivien_

Even though your sister's weren't very happy, I'm glad they took it well. I'm wondering, how do you think it will go telling your mom? Can you tell me more about not having a safe place to go to?Β 

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  • 3 weeks later...

I just came out to her but she thinks it's just hormones. She told me to wait two years before deciding, so I'm planning to come out again then.

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5 hours ago, Vivien_ said:

I just came out to her but she thinks it's just hormones. She told me to wait two years before deciding, so I'm planning to come out again then.

Hey,

Thats an interesting reaction. What do you think about the hormone idea? Do you believe her?Β 

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I don't belive her. My sisters thought they were bisexual too but turned out they weren't. I asked them about it and they said they didn't find girls attractive, but I do. I have since I was 10 but didn't know until now that I was bi

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On 4/4/2022 at 3:35 PM, Vivien_ said:

I don't belive her. My sisters thought they were bisexual too but turned out they weren't. I asked them about it and they said they didn't find girls attractive, but I do. I have since I was 10 but didn't know until now that I was bi

Hey,

There's the key difference then, you have been having these feelings for a while, and you seem pretty sure on them now, even if you do wait those two years. I'm wondering, why do you think your mom reacted the way she did?

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I guess she's hoping it's just a phase. She doesn't want to believe I'm bi. My family is very Christian and strict. But God is supposed to love everyone no matter what, so I don't see what's wrong with being bi. There are 9 people in my family including me. Everyone but my dad, two youngest, and older brother know I'm bi, and they all don't believe me. I just want to be accepted but I know not everyone will accept me.

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Hey there,

That must be really hurtful; you know your identity and for someone you care about to not trust your own judgement must be pretty upsetting; how are you feeling about it?Β 

Also, although your mom is struggling with it at the moment, do you think she might get better with time, as well as the rest of your family if they react negatively at all?Β 

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I am pretty upset about it. I'm not sure. In two years when I come out again I hope she'll believe me. I wish I could tell her now and she'll believe me but I know she will just say the same things.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

Yeah, I totally get why you're upset, and your feelings are valid. I think that parents can be shocked when their children first come out, and it can take some time for them to come around to the idea. Would you like to have a look at our support guide here and let me know what you think?Β https://www.ditchthelabel.org/my-parents-didnt-react-well-to-me-coming-out/

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It helped a little, but I'm not sure if she'll feel better about it over time. I really want to express who I am to my family but it's hard.Β 

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Hey,

Yeah, I completely get how hard it can be, especially having gone through something similar myself. I think there is a lot you can do as well which will involve coming out of your comfort zone and being more expressive to your family, regardless of how they might view it. What do you think?Β 

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20 hours ago, Vivien_ said:

I really want to and I'll try but I'm scared they won't like who I am.

Hey there,

Even if they don't like those expressions at first, do you think they will come around to it? I wonder how they might feel when they see you express yourself more authentically?Β 

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I hope so. I went shopping not too long ago with my mom and bought some colorful clothes because I usually wear black. When we got home I tried it on and showed everyone. My sisters said I looked good but my dad said something like "finally she's wearing colors." My mom said, "Yeah, doesn't she look nice." It really upset me. I can't see anything wrong with my style before, I still wear black everyday.

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My older sisters say it could use work but my younger siblings don't care about what I wear. My mom and dad would like it if I wore more colors.

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  • Digital Mentor
16 hours ago, Vivien_ said:

My older sisters say it could use work but my younger siblings don't care about what I wear. My mom and dad would like it if I wore more colors.

Hey there,

Can you tell me more about why your feelings were hurt? I think it can be hurtful when people make comments about your appearance, especially when you didn't ask for it.Β 

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It upset me because when I changed back into my normal clothes my dad said, "oh, what happened." He was upset that I wasn't wearing colorful clothes. It hurt because they don't like what I wear. I don't see anything wrong with the color black.

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  • Digital Mentor
10 hours ago, Vivien_ said:

It upset me because when I changed back into my normal clothes my dad said, "oh, what happened." He was upset that I wasn't wearing colorful clothes. It hurt because they don't like what I wear. I don't see anything wrong with the color black.

Hey there,

Is it that they don't like the black, or that they do, but just prefer the colours?Β 

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Hey there,

Well that's fair enough, you know what you like, and they know what they like. I think this is a good opportunity to just d what makes you happy despite what other people feel; what do you think?Β 

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