Marv Posted March 9, 2022 Share Posted March 9, 2022 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Other Click this notice to reveal the content. I've put a TW on this just because of the themes of this post, sexual stuff, I dunno Okay so, something has been really bothering me lately, I really don’t know how to feel about it, really need some advice. So, at my university, I’m going for a job called Wellbeing Officer. One of the policies I’ll be inheriting from this years Wellbeing Officer is the push for compulsory consent training for all staff and students at the uni. I’m pretty sure whoever is reading this can work out what that entails but if not, it’s about consent and that being pressured or persuaded or talked or nagged into a sexual activity is bad, it doesn’t mean YES. And this policy brought a memory back to the surface and it’s been bothering me ever since. I’ve spoken about this “friend” before, this online “friend”. I’ll call him Liam. A while ago, at least half a year ago, probably more, myself and Liam were on a video call and for whatever reason we were talking about masturbation. I’d mentioned to him that I was (am) asexual, had never tried masturbation, and was still confused about my sexuality and gender. I did know though that I was asexual to some degree and really wasn’t interested in masturbation, but (to a TINY degree) I was curious. The conversation was helpful but afterwards he offered to try and teach me to masturbate. I wasn’t sure and was like, eh I dunno if it’s worth it, my sister might hear me, blah blah. But I was kinda curious like I said so I said tell me more. He asked me if I was okay with him sending some randomly selected google pics of naked women and suggested that I could try and masturbate to them. In hindsight, they were gross photos, I mean gross to me, probably normal and not gross to someone who isn’t asexual. But I found them gross and cringy. After giving consent, I agreed to try and masturbate. I definitely did it wrong, nothing happened, I got nothing out of it. But since I learnt about this consent training thing for the Wellbeing Officer role, it’s got me thinking about this. I feel like I never actually wanted to try and do that to myself, I didn’t like the photos he sent me, it took me a hot minute to actually get over this event, and I’ll even go as far to say that I really do regret doing it. He was only trying to help, and I did say yes it was okay to send the photos, but I look back and feel like it wasn’t right? I don’t feel right thinking about it. I don’t actually think I wanted to do that. I feel dirty and horrible and as though I’ve assaulted myself which sounds mad, but that’s exactly how it feels, as though I’ve assaulted myself. I’m guessing it’s the asexual part of me that’s thinking this. I’m repulsed by sex and anything of that nature, I really don’t like ‘sexy nude’ photos, I am grossed out by genitalia, it all feels so wrong. So, is this bad? It’s bothering me a lot mentally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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