Are my plans stupid&hopeless<lgbt related and other>(the warning might not be the right one it might fall in to abuse,trauma or hate )

[Kets]

Sorry this might be long but I gotta give some background information on me first and it kinda helps me unload… but if you want can just read the parts with the emojii ( sorry for the bad story feeling) .

I’m  ketsia a little 16yrs, in 4 months I’ll be 17yrs. I’m a closeted bisexual female and  I consider myself a closeted Wiccan .

-I was born in Congo and lived there until 1 month after my 12th birthday and now I’m  living in the US and was brought here with a now expired tourist visa by my 31 year old sister with my father’s approval but not my mother’s which is my legal gardien in Congo  legally speaking it was a kidnapping since I wasn’t old enough to consent but I did leave of free will since I know leaving with my mother would just further more traumatized me since I was terrified of her for many reason such as the time she broke my brother’s leg for not throwing the dead mice in the trash like she asked( he is scared of mice ), what can I say she’s a black mom in the armforce. I’m still scared of her but she can’t hurt me no more , but I wish I didn’t have to lie to her about my where about, my dad’s side doesn’t allow me too. 

I’m greatfull that my sister brought me here at times at unlike my mother, my sister has only been physically with me 4 times in 6 years,her does words hurt me a lot but  if I had stayed in Congo leaving with my mother, I would probably have taken my own life by now, with the fact that I’m bisexual and my love interest falls more through the same sex, if I was still there my mother would probably have killed me and got away with it  if I ever came out to her while being there ;knowing how the country is and her position , she is a very Christian and conservative female ,

while my dad is a conservative catholic man currently has a high rank in the army and ties with the president could all so get away any thing he wants, but at least he is a moral person but still disapprove of the lgbt community. So it still scares me, even tho I don’t live with both of my parents and the are still in Congo while I live in the us with my sister . My whole family is homophobic. Living with my sister kinda gave me an insight on what how my father’s side might react to me coming out, and it scares me .
 

-Back in 2020 when we were at one of her friend’s house she having a conversation with my nephew who is in his 20s , she said something that crushed me, something that made me realize that I can’t stay with them anymore, that I gotta leave as soon as a turn 18. The conversation some what went some what like this : (-they were talking about one of our sister who is a French citizen, I don’t know  her  just her face and name since I lived with my mother in Congo  and she lived with hers in France  )

Sis: I think Marie-France is a lesbian, I mean she dresses like a boy, has her hair shaved like a boy and acts like a boy, and the fact that she played basketball makes her look even more like a boy, I mean does she wanna be a boy.

nephew:i know right , I got friends that think she is a boy and want to flirt with her …

Sis : I don’t get why become a lesbian, another girl just shove a plastic dick in you, you can get a disease like that . Dad would be disappointed if she comes out as a lesbian her mom is probably protecting her and hiding it from the family.

nephew :Imagine if divine ( my middle  name ) was A lesbian.

sis: she can’t even do that,She knows me. Since she wasn’t to have want to have a plastic dick shouted in her virgins I would do it myself and put pepper 🌶 on it . Then bring her back to Congo so I’ll hire a bunch of black guys with huge duck so fuck her until she see that real dicks  are better then plastic ones. 
 

me: … don’t worry about that …

Even tho she said it in a jokingly way, was telling the true because of something that happen when I was 13 , but I’m not ready to talk about that .
 

So knowing that my whole family is homophobic, and knowing that them  being Christian  they will probably disappear of me also being wiccan at least I know my mom and grandmother would  not approve . I can’t live with my sister nor can I got back to Congo because I got nobody who would approve of me there and I Doubt I would ( and I can’t deal with the issues between my dad and my mom anymore it gave me a lot of issues and thx to it I got anxiety  , a bit depression ) . I’m left with only one solution which is moving out when I turn 18 . But I can’t do that because I’m …

1) an undocumented immigrant ( because I’m sister brought me here with a tourist visa) 2) I don’t have any money do get a appartement 3) I’m illegal so I can’t get a job even if I’m certified( getting a certificate at the end of my career trading school) 

i was planning on starting a gofund me or a fundraiser that does require me to have an itin since I don’t think I could get one without the help of my sister and I can’t ask her to help me get one for obvious  reasons  and asking some idk YouTubes I watch on YouTube who are pro lgbt to help me promote the fundraiser later this year maybe in October so I could purhapse move out In July 2023 right after my birthday since I would have graduated high school by then.                                                 And with the money I would get an apartment and a lawyer who could maybe help me get asylum or a special immigrant juvenile statues ( SIJ) since I’m still an  undocumented immigrant.

but my plan realize on the goodness of those YouTubers but a lot of people on the internet are really mean tord people like me just cause we aren’t born in the state and say that we should go back where we come from , not knowing that we can’t go back. And just bieng ignorant of our struggles.and so those people discriminat against us.who just try to live peacefully and contribute to society as much as we can. So I’m scared no one will want to help me and just say that I don’t belong but once I turn 18 i would have been living in the us for  8 th year and I consider this place my home , cause I made my first ever fiend here and people understand me more here and I discovered a part of who I am here , plus i don’t know anything about the country I was born in, my mom keeper me on a tight lish  ,so I was to scare to ask for anything or have friends.I got more confidence thx to the people I meet here, and my friends who are very accepting of my sexuality and my religion. I just can’t leave if I go back I would be shunned, and would probably not be able to get a job or a house , people like me are still discriminated against over there even tho it is no illegal to be gay . 

 So I hope I ‘m able to get help before my 18th birthday . I can’t wait any long cause of another issues and the deadline to be alligeble for the sij and asylum( the immigration people  might remove the 1 year deadline due to my situation if I do it right after my 18th birthday) 

 

what’s your opinions? is it stupid ? 

What would you have done in my place . 
( please don’t be mean and call my religious believe stupid  or say stuff like “go back where you come from, you done belong , no body wants you here”) thx . 
 

 

[Kets]

24 minutes ago, Kets said:

Sorry this might be long but I gotta give some background information on me first and it kinda helps me unload… but if you want can just read the parts with the emojii ( sorry for the bad story feeling) .

I’m  ketsia a little 16yrs, in 4 months I’ll be 17yrs. I’m a closeted bisexual female and  I consider myself a closeted Wiccan .

-I was born in Congo and lived there until 1 month after my 12th birthday and now I’m  living in the US and was brought here with a now expired tourist visa by my 31 year old sister with my father’s approval but not my mother’s which is my legal gardien in Congo  legally speaking it was a kidnapping since I wasn’t old enough to consent but I did leave of free will since I know leaving with my mother would just further more traumatized me since I was terrified of her for many reason such as the time she broke my brother’s leg for not throwing the dead mice in the trash like she asked( he is scared of mice ), what can I say she’s a black mom in the armforce. I’m still scared of her but she can’t hurt me no more , but I wish I didn’t have to lie to her about my where about, my dad’s side doesn’t allow me too. 

I’m greatfull that my sister brought me here at times at unlike my mother, my sister has only been physically with me 4 times in 6 years,her does words hurt me a lot but  if I had stayed in Congo leaving with my mother, I would probably have taken my own life by now, with the fact that I’m bisexual and my love interest falls more through the same sex, if I was still there my mother would probably have killed me and got away with it  if I ever came out to her while being there ;knowing how the country is and her position , she is a very Christian and conservative female ,

while my dad is a conservative catholic man currently has a high rank in the army and ties with the president could all so get away any thing he wants, but at least he is a moral person but still disapprove of the lgbt community. So it still scares me, even tho I don’t live with both of my parents and the are still in Congo while I live in the us with my sister . My whole family is homophobic. Living with my sister kinda gave me an insight on what how my father’s side might react to me coming out, and it scares me .
 

-Back in 2020 when we were at one of her friend’s house she having a conversation with my nephew who is in his 20s , she said something that crushed me, something that made me realize that I can’t stay with them anymore, that I gotta leave as soon as a turn 18. The conversation some what went some what like this : (-they were talking about one of our sister who is a French citizen, I don’t know  her  just her face and name since I lived with my mother in Congo  and she lived with hers in France  )

Sis: I think Marie-France is a lesbian, I mean she dresses like a boy, has her hair shaved like a boy and acts like a boy, and the fact that she played basketball makes her look even more like a boy, I mean does she wanna be a boy.

nephew:i know right , I got friends that think she is a boy and want to flirt with her …

Sis : I don’t get why become a lesbian, another girl just shove a plastic dick in you, you can get a disease like that . Dad would be disappointed if she comes out as a lesbian her mom is probably protecting her and hiding it from the family.

nephew :Imagine if divine ( my middle  name ) was A lesbian.

sis: she can’t even do that,She knows me. Since she wasn’t to have want to have a plastic dick shouted in her virgins I would do it myself and put pepper 🌶 on it . Then bring her back to Congo so I’ll hire a bunch of black guys with huge duck so fuck her until she see that real dicks  are better then plastic ones. 
 

me: … don’t worry about that …

Even tho she said it in a jokingly way, was telling the true because of something that happen when I was 13 , but I’m not ready to talk about that .
 

So knowing that my whole family is homophobic, and knowing that them  being Christian  they will probably disappear of me also being wiccan at least I know my mom and grandmother would  not approve . I can’t live with my sister nor can I got back to Congo because I got nobody who would approve of me there and I Doubt I would ( and I can’t deal with the issues between my dad and my mom anymore it gave me a lot of issues and thx to it I got anxiety  , a bit depression ) . I’m left with only one solution which is moving out when I turn 18 . But I can’t do that because I’m …

1) an undocumented immigrant ( because I’m sister brought me here with a tourist visa) 2) I don’t have any money do get a appartement 3) I’m illegal so I can’t get a job even if I’m certified( getting a certificate at the end of my career trading school) 

i was planning on starting a gofund me or a fundraiser that does require me to have an itin since I don’t think I could get one without the help of my sister and I can’t ask her to help me get one for obvious  reasons  and asking some idk YouTubes I watch on YouTube who are pro lgbt to help me promote the fundraiser later this year maybe in October so I could purhapse move out In July 2023 right after my birthday since I would have graduated high school by then.                                                 And with the money I would get an apartment and a lawyer who could maybe help me get asylum or a special immigrant juvenile statues ( SIJ) since I’m still an  undocumented immigrant.

but my plan realize on the goodness of those YouTubers but a lot of people on the internet are really mean tord people like me just cause we aren’t born in the state and say that we should go back where we come from , not knowing that we can’t go back. And just bieng ignorant of our struggles.and so those people discriminat against us.who just try to live peacefully and contribute to society as much as we can. So I’m scared no one will want to help me and just say that I don’t belong but once I turn 18 i would have been living in the us for  8 th year and I consider this place my home , cause I made my first ever fiend here and people understand me more here and I discovered a part of who I am here , plus i don’t know anything about the country I was born in, my mom keeper me on a tight lish  ,so I was to scare to ask for anything or have friends.I got more confidence thx to the people I meet here, and my friends who are very accepting of my sexuality and my religion. I just can’t leave if I go back I would be shunned, and would probably not be able to get a job or a house , people like me are still discriminated against over there even tho it is no illegal to be gay . 

 So I hope I ‘m able to get help before my 18th birthday . I can’t wait any long cause of another issues and the deadline to be alligeble for the sij and asylum( the immigration people  might remove the 1 year deadline due to my situation if I do it right after my 18th birthday) 

what’s your opinions? is it stupid ? 

What would you have done in my place . 
( please don’t be mean and call my religious believe stupid  or say stuff like “go back where you come from, you done belong , no body wants you here”) thx . 
 

I’m not only planning of leaving once I become 18 without out telling my family, I will also come out to them as bisexual and a wiccan.

[Monsoon]

Hello @Kets

I just want you to know that I've sent a message to check in. I hope to hear back from you soon.