Friend problems

[olivetebunny]

Picture yourself as me right now. You are moving from your amazing house,  to a small cramped house, with an even smaller room that can’t hold all of your stuff. You end up in a new school,  where everybody ignores you. Your old school recognized you and you were popular because of your smarts. One kid finally walks up to you and helps you around the school. They make you feel worth something, but not for long. 1st year of middle school. They fess up. They love you and want to date. You’ve never been loved in your life, but you decline dating. You’re not mentally stable for that. But they don’t care. They shut you out when you say you’re not dating. They won’t stop touching you even when you say no. They mock disabled people and make fun of people to you because they know you’ll never say anything. They mocked tics just to tell you “Fuck you!”. You try to get away. But they never leave your side. Nobody’s there to help. All you can do is sit in your messy room everybody makes fun of and cry in the corner. Nobody in your house cares to help. What do you do? I just can’t get away from them and they made me self harm. The urges never go away. They make me feel like a speck of dust. To be kicked around. Never enough. But I cant escape the cage that they put me in. 

[olivetebunny]

Not to mention that their excuse is “oh so you’re racist/homophobic” and somehow they get me to do things. I don’t know how. Like hanging out, I would never say yes but somehow they get me to say yes. Plus they have all my info and I feel like they’d spread rumors about me or something. They also just cancel me out when I try to say anything. It’s all about them. Unless it’s trash talking, which I hate to be apart of.

[Helpmeineedsupport]

I'm really sorry this is happening to you, have you tried telling somebody like the principal?

[olivetebunny]

5 minutes ago, Helpmeineedsupport said:

I'm really sorry this is happening to you, have you tried telling somebody like the principal?

I never have the courage to say anything. I don’t know I’m just scared people will think I’m lying because all I’ve ever been told is that my trauma is nothing. I honestly have a hard time saying anything, the pandemic made my speech abilities plummet to be honest. I can’t piece together sentences without forgetting or stuttering.

[Monsoon]

10 hours ago, olivetebunny said:

I never have the courage to say anything. I don’t know I’m just scared people will think I’m lying because all I’ve ever been told is that my trauma is nothing. I honestly have a hard time saying anything, the pandemic made my speech abilities plummet to be honest. I can’t piece together sentences without forgetting or stuttering.

Hello @olivetebunny

Thank you for sharing all of this with us. It sounds like you've been through a very difficult time. I'm sorry to hear that they carried on touching you even when you said no; that must have been awful for you. I'm wondering, can you tell me more about what happened with that? What were the circumstances surrounding the behaviour? Also, I just want you to know that your trauma is valid; we are here to listen to you and understand what's going on. Take care and speak soon. 

[olivetebunny]

On 2/24/2022 at 12:03 PM, Monsoon said:

Hello @olivetebunny

Thank you for sharing all of this with us. It sounds like you've been through a very difficult time. I'm sorry to hear that they carried on touching you even when you said no; that must have been awful for you. I'm wondering, can you tell me more about what happened with that? What were the circumstances surrounding the behaviour? Also, I just want you to know that your trauma is valid; we are here to listen to you and understand what's going on. Take care and speak soon. 

I haven’t responded in a while but I finally gave in to responding since this place is the only place I can be open. I don’t know what you mean by what happened with that. I mean when I obviously show discomfort they never care and try to make me do whatever anyways. They kept pulling me closer to them even when I would shove myself out of their grasp cause I didn’t want to cuddle. We would just hang out at their house in their room cause at the time I thought that they actually loved me. Idk but they also would just get so energetic when I was over and I have no idea why. But when we’re en public they’re way less touchy and pretend I don’t even exist. I have no idea why they do this. I probably already mentioned that they would block me out if I said we weren’t dating, even went out of their way to tell their sister and their sister’s ex (cause they were close) even though I hated it. Told the whole school and I had to tell everybody it was a “joke” praying nobody would tell the person. I still don’t know why they are like this :/

[Monsoon]

1 hour ago, olivetebunny said:

I haven’t responded in a while but I finally gave in to responding since this place is the only place I can be open. I don’t know what you mean by what happened with that. I mean when I obviously show discomfort they never care and try to make me do whatever anyways. They kept pulling me closer to them even when I would shove myself out of their grasp cause I didn’t want to cuddle. We would just hang out at their house in their room cause at the time I thought that they actually loved me. Idk but they also would just get so energetic when I was over and I have no idea why. But when we’re en public they’re way less touchy and pretend I don’t even exist. I have no idea why they do this. I probably already mentioned that they would block me out if I said we weren’t dating, even went out of their way to tell their sister and their sister’s ex (cause they were close) even though I hated it. Told the whole school and I had to tell everybody it was a “joke” praying nobody would tell the person. I still don’t know why they are like this :/

Hey,

Yeah, our community is completely safe and you can be 100% open with us; we are here to listen to you and help in whatever way we can. I'm sorry to hear that the person kept trying to overstep the boundary even though you were clearly uncomfortable. Can I ask, did they ever take it one step further and do anything sexual? I know that this might be a hard question to answer, but I'm just trying to understand the situation more. If you would prefer to talk privately, let me know and we can support you on the confidential support messenger tab. I hope to hear back from you soon. Take care. 

[olivetebunny]

30 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Yeah, our community is completely safe and you can be 100% open with us; we are here to listen to you and help in whatever way we can. I'm sorry to hear that the person kept trying to overstep the boundary even though you were clearly uncomfortable. Can I ask, did they ever take it one step further and do anything sexual? I know that this might be a hard question to answer, but I'm just trying to understand the situation more. If you would prefer to talk privately, let me know and we can support you on the confidential support messenger tab. I hope to hear back from you soon. Take care. 

I guess luckily it never went that far but I’m pretty sure they said things they wanted to do. The most they ever did was make me hug them on their bed and make me lay on top of them :/ I mean their mentions were gross but I never asked why or tried to say no cause at the time it wasn’t late enough to ask to go home. I honestly hated when they sexualized the most normal things. I remember one thing they said went something along the lines of, if we start dating right now, I won’t do anything weird for a month,  but if we don’t I can’t promise you anything,  so I gave in because I didn’t want anything to happen at all. Another time I wasn’t listening but they wanted to do something with me and one of the actions started with a c, so I asked them “sorry I wasn’t listening, what did you say?” And they just looked at me wide eyed and looked away and said “nothing..” like they said something bad. Not a big fan of being touched in any way, idk i guess not being in control isn’t fun. I always hated it to be honest,  but I had to act like cuddling was fun or else they would pester me and keep asking if I was okay. I don’t trust them enough cause they used to laugh at my vents with their mom and always poked fun at me. 

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Yeah, I'm glad it never went that far, but what happened to you still sounds pretty intense, especially forcing hugs and making you lay on top of them; that must have made you feel quite uncomfortable. Do you feel like it's all over now with them, or do you feel still kind of stuck in it? 

[olivetebunny]

1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, I'm glad it never went that far, but what happened to you still sounds pretty intense, especially forcing hugs and making you lay on top of them; that must have made you feel quite uncomfortable. Do you feel like it's all over now with them, or do you feel still kind of stuck in it? 

I’m trying to distance myself from them but they cling to me at school but then leave me at the same time? They usually cling to me for answers and then leave me when I don’t listen when they talk crap about people. I honestly tried to make myself super unlikeable and boring so they would stop talking to me, and it worked for a little bit but then wore off when I was too tired to keep up with the act.

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Yeah, I totally get what you're saying about how it's hard to keep up the act. I'm wondering, have you ever told them exactly how you're feeling, or has it been more of a case of trying to phase them out gradually and keeping your distance?

[olivetebunny]

On 2/27/2022 at 9:32 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Yeah, I totally get what you're saying about how it's hard to keep up the act. I'm wondering, have you ever told them exactly how you're feeling, or has it been more of a case of trying to phase them out gradually and keeping your distance?

I’ve never really told them ever, but I always show discomfort or annoyance. I’m very open (to a certain extent) to them hoping they’d get the message but they never do. So I honestly was hoping they’d give up. They’re inviting me over and now im just nervous to go. 

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Do you have to go to their house? I'm thinking, how do you think it would go if you told them how you felt? 

[olivetebunny]

On 3/2/2022 at 12:19 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Do you have to go to their house? I'm thinking, how do you think it would go if you told them how you felt? 

I don’t even know really, I’ve never been able to speak up or say no to anything. I feel like they’d just keep bribing me with random stuff like feeding their cat (I love cats) and stuff. I think they forgot about it luckily because they never invited me over. I think they’re finally over the fact that we aren’t dating bc they said “can I say I am single since we are not actually dating” I said, sure, but then they quickly added “as a joke” so now I’m totally confused

[Monsoon]

Hey,

I think it might get to that point where you have to be clear about exactly how you’re feeling, otherwise, I’m not sure they’ll pick up on what you’re feeling. What do you think about that? 

[olivetebunny]

On 3/5/2022 at 6:27 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey,

I think it might get to that point where you have to be clear about exactly how you’re feeling, otherwise, I’m not sure they’ll pick up on what you’re feeling. What do you think about that? 

yeah, i guess that would make sense. I just dont know what to do after that, we sit next to eachother in many classes so it'd be awkward and frustrating.

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Yeah, it might be pretty awkward, and I guess you would just have to see how it goes really, what do you think? 

[olivetebunny]

23 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Yeah, it might be pretty awkward, and I guess you would just have to see how it goes really, what do you think? 

yeah i might do it, maybe on one of the last days of school cause then we wont see eachother for an entire summer

[Monsoon]

1 hour ago, olivetebunny said:

yeah i might do it, maybe on one of the last days of school cause then we wont see eachother for an entire summer

Hey, 

Yeah, the break between seeing each other again would definitely help. Can you hold out that long until telling them?

[olivetebunny]

2 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey, 

Yeah, the break between seeing each other again would definitely help. Can you hold out that long until telling them?

Maybe, I mean nowadays they make me super uncomfortable. But usually I just ignore them even if I have to try and calm myself down. Today they did it again, I honestly can’t stop thinking about it 

[Monsoon]

Hey,

What was it they did today?

[olivetebunny]

4 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

What was it they did today?

So,  I was in a GSA club (gay straight alliance) and it was going good so far. We were just listing lgbtq stuff, but then we got bored so we were on the topic of celebrity crushes. The shit that came out of their mouth was absolutely disgusting. They thought it was funny to say “I wouldn’t mind if (insert celebrity crush) r@p3d me.” They giggled a bit when they said that. I asked “Can you please repeat that?” Kindly,  just to see what they’d say. Of course, they said “nothing” with a smirk and when I said “never mind I heard you” they looked suprised and said “it was just a joke..”. I don’t even know what to say but I was super nervous and uncomfortable sitting next to them that entire club day. God the words that came out of their mouth made me sick inside.

[Monsoon]

15 hours ago, olivetebunny said:

So,  I was in a GSA club (gay straight alliance) and it was going good so far. We were just listing lgbtq stuff, but then we got bored so we were on the topic of celebrity crushes. The shit that came out of their mouth was absolutely disgusting. They thought it was funny to say “I wouldn’t mind if (insert celebrity crush) r@p3d me.” They giggled a bit when they said that. I asked “Can you please repeat that?” Kindly,  just to see what they’d say. Of course, they said “nothing” with a smirk and when I said “never mind I heard you” they looked suprised and said “it was just a joke..”. I don’t even know what to say but I was super nervous and uncomfortable sitting next to them that entire club day. God the words that came out of their mouth made me sick inside.

Hey,

It sounds like they have a pretty dark sense of humour and I can imagine they offend lots of people if they say other things like that. Maybe you'd benefit from sitting in a different seat where you can't hear them; what do you think?