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This topic contains content which has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Suicide

maybe it is me maybe it is my fault maybe there better off

Ellivia Β  Β 

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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Suicide

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My dad literaly screams at me for things he doesnt fully understand and he doesnt know the full story then accuses me of things i never did constintly brings up my crappy past calls me names and thinks that him telling me he is sorry and he loves me will help everything like sir you dont know the throughts that are race through my head all the time the thoughts of self doubt the things i want to tell you but im scared everything gets blamed on my mom he lectured me for worrying about my little sister who lives in an unsafe condition and yells at me that i need to worry about myself my b's and c's aren't good enough for him but he doesnt understand what im going through i have tried talking to him and im going to therapy but he complains when he takes me to therapy that its so far away and he doesnt know if its even helping well dad if it werent for your lectures and screams about how im failing you and how im doing poorly in life 24/7 then maybe i would be doing better maybe if you actually listened to the words i say to you if you even tried to put yourself in my shoes you would see you might actually understand but no you take my good mood and make me feel shitty you take my happy moments my accomplishment and compare them to my sibbling then lecture me when i compare myself to my sibblings well you do it so how am i not supossed to how am i supposed to not be happy when im constintly stressed till i throw up how are we supossed to have a good suport system when i feel like i cant talk to you i cry everytime he yells or lectures me then he tells me its fake its not its not an act dad im depressed yes im suicidal yes i have raging anxitey yes i quit eating becuase you made a comment about my body i hate my hair cut because you called me a name he complains about the 1,000s of dollars he has spent of lawers and psyciatric when i never asked him to do those things i dont see my mom so you dont need the lawer never met the damn psyciatric if im such a problem in your life give up on me it wont be that hard you act as if you already hate me but what if i am the problem im the comman denominater between my mom and my father my sister maybe im just too blind to see that maybe it is my fault im the scource of my families problems but if thats the case why dont the just give up on me im jut as tired as they areΒ 

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