CallMeCC Posted February 20, 2022 Share Posted February 20, 2022 Hello, I'd like advice about coming out. Background is necessary here so this might be a long one ... I (24, F) live next door to my parents. I am very close to them but independent. However, I do rent a house that is owned by them. I dated guys in high school and thought I was asexual but realised in the last few years that I am a lesbian (which I love about myself). I figured I'd tell them when I first got a girlfriend, which I did, and it didn't go well. I came back from uni after telling them on the phone and the following are examples of their reactions: - my mother crying and telling me "she decided I'm not one of those" (note that I was watching tv and she came into the room and said this randomly) - my father telling me she is allowed to be upset because my one job in life is to give them grandchildren and adoption doesnt count - both my parents saying I'm not allowed telling any family because it is embarassing for them and being very upset when they found one of my cousins already knew. It felt like my mother was crying every day and my father was upset with me for upsetting mum, though he did say "you're an adult and I cant tell you what to do." (Though then he had a race issue with my ex being "black", note they were polynesian, however that is a separate issue). This behaviour only stopped when my ex dumped me, but that seems to mean they pretend it didnt happen. I know that they voted against gay marriage, and think parents not talking to their gay kids is justified because "it's hard for them, you dont understand". Skip to present, I'm very out and comfortable with everyone except them. A lot of family know, including grandparents, and I have an amazing girlfriend. Both of my parents have been upset over my pride flag, which is only visible inside the house, my dad berating me and my mother just criticizing it for being "annoying". I am frustrated that we can be so close but I have to keep this part of my life hidden from them. I'm frustrated that they "refuse" to acknowledge what I feel like they already know. I dont want to go back to the last time they knew about me having a girlfriend because that was unbearable but I dont live in their house. I have incredibly supportive friends, the relatived who know are wonderful and know not to mention anything to my parents (though bless my grandmother for saying she is disapointed in her daughter). I would like to be open with them, but if anything they have become more conservative over time (very right wing and incredibly judgemental of anyone who thinks differently to them). Does anyone out there have advice for me? I'm sick of having a duel life around them. Thanks for reading, x 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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