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What's the right age to come out?


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I am a young teen but I know I like girls, I can't deny that. I want to come out to everyone and I know people at school won't be to bothered but I'm scared to tell my parents. I know they will say "how do you know your only 14". I was just wondering what the 'right' or 'average' age to come out is so I know whether I should wait a bit longer or come out now


Any help would be much appreciated

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Hey Anna22,


Thanks for your post. I know we have a lot of members on our Support Community in very similar situations.


It is a funny one the double standard that exists for being heterosexual vs gay or bi, I personally have never heard a parent telling their child that they are too young to know they are straight. Yet sadly it is still common for the LGBTQ community to receive these kinds of reactions from family members and it makes sense why you have those fears going into to coming out.


One question that can be helpful in getting people to think more broadly is asking your parents when did they know they were heterosexual? It can be surprisingly difficult for people to answer as most say they just instinctively knew from a young age. But the difference is because we live in a heteronormative society heterosexual people don't have to come out. They also don't have to worry they will be told they are too young to know.


That said, it really does vary massively from situation to situation. A person's well being is always the number one priority and if there is any potential threat or harm to them if they came out then waiting would be the smartest and safest decision. For example, waiting till they are living independently from the family or not living in a country where it is illegal to be a LGBT.


Would your wellbeing be at risk if you came out to your family now? Do you feel ready to come out, it sounds from your post you are but I wanted to double check.


Sending support and positivity your way.


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  • 2 weeks later...

Thankyou for the help and I will definitely think about this. I was thinking about coming out soon but I think I might wait til I get a girlfriend because knowing my parents they will say something for me to then doubt myself. Thankyou gain for all the help

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  • Ditch the Label Staff

Glad our help has helped Anna. Sometimes people find it difficult to understand that sexuality isn't a choice and so my favourite thing is to flip the question. If someone asks how I know I'm definitely gay, I ask how they know they're definitely straight. If they ask when you decided to be lesbian, ask when they decided to be straight. Putting the question back on them is usually a quick way to make them reconsider their viewpoint.


Also remember that your sexuality is a tiny part of you - it isn't who you are. It's natural, normal and okay. Please remember that and don't let anyone make you think otherwise.




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  • 2 months later...

There's no real right age to come out: Do it when you're ready to and at least fairly sure of your sexuality. Don't worry, take your time, everbody comes out in their own time. Good luck. Hope this helps! :)

~ Sophie R.

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