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What is my sexuality?


learningbrain    
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I'm from India.

I'm studying 9th class now.

When I was in my 6th grade there was girl who is so kind and friendly.

I feet like I wanted to kiss her but I didn't do it.

At that time I felt was watching too many kissing scenes.

Continuation of paragraph.

When told about my feelings to my grandma:

But I also having feeling I didn't want to kiss her because I wanted it prove my grandma that I liked girls. Then she said it was long time ago. How did you realize it now? Then I blabbered some more girls' names. Then I was confused. They told that it was hormones and I was getting silly thoughts. I wasn't convinced by their explanation.

Meanwhile I was watching Lebsian movies ,listening to lesbian music and all that stuff.

And this time I believed I was a lesbian

when I was talking to my grandma I was narrating a story which is Gay aur Gharwale (which is on YouTube).

then I told that politicians didn't acknowledge abolition of Section 377.  People like us need support from politicians.

Then she asked do you feel the same and she was telling It was unnatural.

I was able to explain that it is normal but she wasn't convinced at all.

Then she asked that did you get intimate with anyone?

then I answered no

then she said I was making conclusions (that I a lesbian) based on nothing.

Then she said I must wait and realize things.

but she was homophobic so how will she guide me whether I am straight or a lesbian.

I have feeling that a female would be a perfect partner.

I feel that women are understanding but not men.

We would understand each other.

 

 

 

 

 

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Hello @learningbrain

Thank you for sharing this with us. It sounds like you have a really good understanding of your sexuality from what you've said about your preferred kind of partner. How does that feel for you? 

On a scale of 1-10, where 1 = not confident at all, 5 = somewhat confident, and 10 = very confident, how confident would you say you are in knowing your sexuality/identifying as a lesbian?

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I don't know  what my sexuality is.

But If you insist me to answer I would say 5= somewhat confident.

I think I may or may not  be a lesbian. 

I think I might be straight because I don't know who I am attracted to.

But I think a female partner would be perfect.

 

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Hey there,

Ah, okay, it seems like I didn't understand what you said properly. I'm wondering then, how would you say the way you feel about males and females is different when it comes to your sexuality? Are there any similarities?

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Hi @learningbrain! An important thing to remember is you don't need a label. If you want one, that's cool. However, don't give yourself a label if you don't want to or feel pressured. 

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16 hours ago, RussianKai said:

Hi @learningbrain! An important thing to remember is you don't need a label. If you want one, that's cool. However, don't give yourself a label if you don't want to or feel pressured. 

Such a good point about not giving yourself a label if you don't want to. Thanks for sharing :)

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I'm afraid that I would end up having a divorce or stay together forcefully for the sake my unborn child. I was thinking this because every couple I see is either getting divorced or staying together for society or for their child's future.

From this fear from inside I thought that I would become a lesbian.

 

This took a couple of days for me to realize that I was having a this fear inside me.

 

I wish my life partner(I don't care about the gender) would get what I am saying i.e. The person should understanding what I am saying, how I am feeling and should stay beside me no matter what.

 

I love my dog because it would stay with me under any circumstances.

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On 1/31/2022 at 11:46 AM, learningbrain said:

I'm afraid that I would end up having a divorce or stay together forcefully for the sake my unborn child. I was thinking this because every couple I see is either getting divorced or staying together for society or for their child's future.

From this fear from inside I thought that I would become a lesbian.

This took a couple of days for me to realize that I was having a this fear inside me.

I wish my life partner(I don't care about the gender) would get what I am saying i.e. The person should understanding what I am saying, how I am feeling and should stay beside me no matter what.

I love my dog because it would stay with me under any circumstances.

Hey there,

Okay, so it sounds like you really need your life partner to understand who you are and the fears you have. I think that is what we all want in a partner, to be fully understood and for our differences to be respected, and I'm sure you will be able to find someone like that :). What do you think?

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On 1/24/2022 at 12:22 AM, RussianKai said:

Hi @learningbrain! An important thing to remember is you don't need a label. If you want one, that's cool. However, don't give yourself a label if you don't want to or feel pressured. 

Good point. I also believe that is why this website is called 'Ditch the Label.'

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17 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Okay, so it sounds like you really need your life partner to understand who you are and the fears you have. I think that is what we all want in a partner, to be fully understood and for our differences to be respected, and I'm sure you will be able to find someone like that :). What do you think?

Yes, everyone wants a partner who is understanding.

 

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6 hours ago, learningbrain said:

Yes, everyone wants a partner who is understanding.

Definitely, and I'm sure you will find one. How are you feeling about your sexuality at the moment? 

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