Severe anxiety and withdrawal

[Junbee]

I don't know where to start first.I have had an anger burst that ended up with my friend not wanting to be with me anymore even after apologising. She was a very close friend from art college and now I want to fix my friendship but she doesn't want to anymore after I said stuff that hurt me and her regarding feeling one-sided with her since we got home and how she never initiated meeting me or contacting first.Now tht we don't talk since 1 month she hasn't replied to my texts regarding my mess up either.She is leaving for  the Uk soon and I don't know if she'll ever know how I feel after she cut me out. It made me withdraw from people in general and made me feel like I only hurt people and everything around me.Not only that my boyfriend said I'm the problem all along and that I live in a delusional world and that's why I'm losing friends and having a fight with him.I don't know anymore how to feel , I'm not having any luck getting a job still and the words you are a problem keep echoing in my head and triggers the friend cancelling me out too.Im scared of feeling like this and I don't know how to feel better.Im constantly anxious ,stressed or bordeline depressed.How do I be a better person? I keep having panic attacks regarding this. I feel like no one understands me and I'm really sad :((. It's christmas and I don't know how to feel .I want everything to get better.

[Blondie]

2 hours ago, Junbee said:

I don't know where to start first.I have had an anger burst that ended up with my friend not wanting to be with me anymore even after apologising. She was a very close friend from art college and now I want to fix my friendship but she doesn't want to anymore after I said stuff that hurt me and her regarding feeling one-sided with her since we got home and how she never initiated meeting me or contacting first.Now tht we don't talk since 1 month she hasn't replied to my texts regarding my mess up either.She is leaving for  the Uk soon and I don't know if she'll ever know how I feel after she cut me out. It made me withdraw from people in general and made me feel like I only hurt people and everything around me.Not only that my boyfriend said I'm the problem all along and that I live in a delusional world and that's why I'm losing friends and having a fight with him.I don't know anymore how to feel , I'm not having any luck getting a job still and the words you are a problem keep echoing in my head and triggers the friend cancelling me out too.Im scared of feeling like this and I don't know how to feel better.Im constantly anxious ,stressed or bordeline depressed.How do I be a better person? I keep having panic attacks regarding this. I feel like no one understands me and I'm really sad :((. It's christmas and I don't know how to feel .I want everything to get better.

Hey @Junbee there's a lot going on so it probably feels confusing and a lot to deal with. Before this all came to a head with your friend - did something happen? Were you getting on okay? I wonder if you had started to get anxious about her leaving for the UK?