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I need help!! I’ve been married for 2 years. Recently going through a divorce because of my confusion with my sexuality. I met a girl last month and fell for her hard. I have had a stronger attraction to females then males a year ago now I have no attraction to males just females. I’m not even attracted to my husband anymore but I don’t know how to tell him. 

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  • Digital Mentor
6 hours ago, Bridgette1998 said:

I need help!! I’ve been married for 2 years. Recently going through a divorce because of my confusion with my sexuality. I met a girl last month and fell for her hard. I have had a stronger attraction to females then males a year ago now I have no attraction to males just females. I’m not even attracted to my husband anymore but I don’t know how to tell him. 

Hey there,

Thanks for reaching out to us; you've come to the right place :) 

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a divorce at the moment. How are you finding that? I'm wondering, because of the divorce, do you think your husband might have an idea about how you're not attracted to him? 

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1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Thanks for reaching out to us; you've come to the right place :) 

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a divorce at the moment. How are you finding that? I'm wondering, because of the divorce, do you think your husband might have an idea about how you're not attracted to him? 

He knows I’m not attracted to him but only in a way. He thinks it’s cause I fell out of love with him and that I’m just going through a phase cause it’s something new. I don’t know if that’s what’s going on or if I’m actually gay

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Hey there,

Ah, okay. Just so I understand your situation properly, does he not know about how you're questioning your sexuality at the moment? I saw what you said about how he thinks you're just going through a phase at the moment, so I'm thinking that might be him knowing about your period of questioning. Anyway, let me know and we can go from there. 

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He knows I’m questioning thing. He thinks having a girlfriend for a short period of time is going to help things. That’s not what I want though. I want a girlfriend and I want to be able to come out as gay 

But I don’t want to hurt anyone 

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Hey there,

I completely get that you don't want to hurt anyone, and I think the best way to avoid hurting people in the long run is to just be honest about what's going on for you. If you go ahead and have a girlfriend for a short time, I guess you aren't really living your truth because as you said, you want to come out. I'm wondering, by having a girlfriend for a short time, would the plan be to then go back to your husband? 

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My gut feeling is telling me to go be with a girl. The girl that makes me truly happy. When my husband touches me it doesn’t feel good anymore. Not like when she does. I get like the crawly skin feeling when it does it but I don’t know how to tell him 

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Hey there,

I think that it's so important to do what makes you happy. Life is too short. I do know you have complications though when thinking about how your family will react. How are you feeling after connecting with your gut feeling? I wonder what you might do next? 

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On 12/19/2021 at 4:52 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Thanks for reaching out to us; you've come to the right place :) 

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through a divorce at the moment. How are you finding that? I'm wondering, because of the divorce, do you think your husband might have an idea about how you're not attracted to him? 

I’m feeling better talking to someone about it but I still don’t know what to do

Edited by Bridgette1998
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hey @Bridgette1998 I agree with Monsoon that life is too short. It could well be that your husband realises something is 'off' in your relationship and this will only continue as it's almost impossible to keep living as if all is fine when you are unhappy. 

I have a good friend that was in this situation for years - they were in a heterosexual relationship when actually they knew they were gay. Fearing their partners and family reaction this carried on until it all got too much and eventually told their partner before they were married.

As it turns out, their family were completely loving and supportive and their partner, although hurt, was very understanding. They are now happily in a same sex relationship. I realise that it's never going to be an easy thing to do but ultimately neither one of you will be happy if you remain together.  

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I told him that I don’t think either one of us will be happy but he does keep bringing up “relationships take work” And “are you sure your really gay cause you love me right?” Like, yes I love him but I’m not attracted to him anymore. 

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3 hours ago, Bridgette1998 said:

I told him that I don’t think either one of us will be happy but he does keep bringing up “relationships take work” And “are you sure your really gay cause you love me right?” Like, yes I love him but I’m not attracted to him anymore. 

I can understand that he is trying everything to avoid separating. But I wonder if this might be easier on both of you if you speak to a counsellor together? You can then both voice everything and it may help him understand that loving someone and being attracted to them are very different. It might be an easier way to separate if you both feel more supported.

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