Jump to content

struggling bi in long term relationship - pls add ur thoughts!


Recommended Posts

hello all! currently identify as a bisexual gender questioning afab and am in a long term relationship with a male partner. for the past few months i have been wondering if i really am bisexual, or if i am a lesbian experiencing compulsory heteronormativity, or if i am some other identity like demisexual/asexual/pansexual/etc. i have felt some waning attraction for my partner recently, and am wondering if this is more due to being in a long term relationship (going on 3 years) or because i am no longer into men?

started with less easy arousal that led to self consciousness and anxiety for me, leading to less s*x. we are still excellent friends, great partners, and i enjoy most of the sex we do have, but it is the arousal that i am struggling with.  i have had s*x with men and women and enjoyed myself regardless of the gender of my partner - there are things about both men and women that turn me on.

i am worried that i am a lesbian and just not wanting to admit it? throughout the past year that i have identified as bi and been letting myself be attracted to women and try to discern between attraction and admiration, i have been noticing things "in heterospect": like do i not like to be looked at by men bc i know they are objectifying me, or bc i don't like them? do i notice more attractive women when im out than men bc women put more effort into their looks, or bc i am not into men? i am noticing more attraction to women in public than to men as well - like more double takes on women i find cute than men i find cute.

i have been extremely stressed and caught in these awful overthinking loops. i need some outside perspectives to help me reason and rationalize. this dilemma is something my partner and i talk about, and something that he is extremely supportive about. hewp!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hey there,

Thank you for being so open about your current situation :)

I think it’s really great that you’re able to speak with your partner about this, and I’m wondering, what is their take on the situation? I ask this cautiously though because I think the only person that knows the full answer is you. I saw that you mentioned quite a few reasons for these feelings towards women, and I’m wondering, which one do you think is the biggest  factor behind these feelings? 


Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Unfortunately, your content contains terms that we do not allow. Please edit your content to remove the highlighted words below.
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Create New...