struggling bi in long term relationship - pls add ur thoughts!

[grlb0ss]

hello all! currently identify as a bisexual gender questioning afab and am in a long term relationship with a male partner. for the past few months i have been wondering if i really am bisexual, or if i am a lesbian experiencing compulsory heteronormativity, or if i am some other identity like demisexual/asexual/pansexual/etc. i have felt some waning attraction for my partner recently, and am wondering if this is more due to being in a long term relationship (going on 3 years) or because i am no longer into men?

started with less easy arousal that led to self consciousness and anxiety for me, leading to less s*x. we are still excellent friends, great partners, and i enjoy most of the sex we do have, but it is the arousal that i am struggling with.  i have had s*x with men and women and enjoyed myself regardless of the gender of my partner - there are things about both men and women that turn me on.

i am worried that i am a lesbian and just not wanting to admit it? throughout the past year that i have identified as bi and been letting myself be attracted to women and try to discern between attraction and admiration, i have been noticing things "in heterospect": like do i not like to be looked at by men bc i know they are objectifying me, or bc i don't like them? do i notice more attractive women when im out than men bc women put more effort into their looks, or bc i am not into men? i am noticing more attraction to women in public than to men as well - like more double takes on women i find cute than men i find cute.

i have been extremely stressed and caught in these awful overthinking loops. i need some outside perspectives to help me reason and rationalize. this dilemma is something my partner and i talk about, and something that he is extremely supportive about. hewp!

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Thank you for being so open about your current situation :)

I think it’s really great that you’re able to speak with your partner about this, and I’m wondering, what is their take on the situation? I ask this cautiously though because I think the only person that knows the full answer is you. I saw that you mentioned quite a few reasons for these feelings towards women, and I’m wondering, which one do you think is the biggest  factor behind these feelings?