Ambiguous Crush

[skrrt]

Hello! I'm new here, not really sure how everything works yet... but let me give this a go. 

There's this guy in my history and algebra class who I think I like. A lot of his classes are in the same building as mine and we also have mutual friends(?), so I tend to see or hear about him a lot. The thing is... I have no idea what to do about it.

Last month he approached me out of nowhere in front of class and started asking me things like how I did on a test or how I felt about a certain assignment. I'm more of the quiet type, so I was shocked (and a little flattered) that this guy approached me. This lasted for about 3 days and I developed a crush... until the weekend came and went, and he stopped. 

I talked to one of our mutual friends about it- She told me 3 things she overheard from his close friends which were: a) He actually may have liked me for a bit, b) He knew I was queer and had made weird comments about it, c) He's only nice to the girls he likes... and a total a**hole to everyone else, even to my friend who only keeps in contact with him because of THEIR mutual friends. (Am I allowed to curse on this forum? Apologies if I'm not.) And honestly I'm not surprised, though what she said about him liking me and the queer comments may be rumors. He's always slacking in class and is very harsh when joking around with his friends. He's also a very smooth talker (a total player), which was why I developed a crush on him so quickly.

When I was looking through his Instagram the majority of the people he followed were pretty Asian girls at our school... like me. (Just to clarify, we're both Korean) He was just so polite and soft spoken towards me that I completely over looked his behavior around other people.  He still talks to me sometimes but never a whole conversation, like dm-ing me to ask about homework or during class. (We've switched seats since the first time we talked and he sits behind me in history now... teacher's choice). He's still very polite to me, but also well mannered to some other people. (Aka the time I heard him ask someone if he could borrow a pencil and the notes we were working on.) Also I don't know if I'm imagining it, but we also keep making eye contact randomly and I feel like there's weird tension whenever we see each other. 

I want some closure on how he feels/felt about me, and then to get over him. If I knew he was just playing with me I would be over him by now, but there's the whole possibility he may have actually liked me... and my friends  think he may be interested given he's the only guy who ever talks to me out of his free will... but he's the ONLY guy after all... Though I have plenty of friends, I'm not sure if I've attracted much romantic attraction throughout my life. I would ask our mutual friend for what she thinks, but she's been kind of ambiguous answering my questions... the only thing she's telling me is that I need to get over him. (But she also found and sent me his Spotify... ugh this is all so confusing.) I don't want to continue liking someone that's only going to give me headaches from overthinking, so is there any advice on getting over smooth-talking players? (And maybe guess how they really feel about you??)

This looks pretty long compared to other songs I've seen before, sorry! I tried to cut out as many details as possible without making the story confusing.  I hope whoever's reading this has a great day :)

[ThatWitchyLesbian]

@skrrt This is my personal opinion, but this guy doesn't seem like a great guy. If he's making front of your sexuality and making weird comments about it, nope. Find someone who supports your sexuality. He's an a-hole to other people? No, it means if he falls out of love with you, the relationship could turn toxic. My advice to get over him is be polite to him, but this guy is toxic. Well, that's my opinion! Thanks!

[Monsoon]

12 hours ago, skrrt said:

Hello! I'm new here, not really sure how everything works yet... but let me give this a go. 

There's this guy in my history and algebra class who I think I like. A lot of his classes are in the same building as mine and we also have mutual friends(?), so I tend to see or hear about him a lot. The thing is... I have no idea what to do about it.

Last month he approached me out of nowhere in front of class and started asking me things like how I did on a test or how I felt about a certain assignment. I'm more of the quiet type, so I was shocked (and a little flattered) that this guy approached me. This lasted for about 3 days and I developed a crush... until the weekend came and went, and he stopped. 

I talked to one of our mutual friends about it- She told me 3 things she overheard from his close friends which were: a) He actually may have liked me for a bit, b) He knew I was queer and had made weird comments about it, c) He's only nice to the girls he likes... and a total a**hole to everyone else, even to my friend who only keeps in contact with him because of THEIR mutual friends. (Am I allowed to curse on this forum? Apologies if I'm not.) And honestly I'm not surprised, though what she said about him liking me and the queer comments may be rumors. He's always slacking in class and is very harsh when joking around with his friends. He's also a very smooth talker (a total player), which was why I developed a crush on him so quickly.

When I was looking through his Instagram the majority of the people he followed were pretty Asian girls at our school... like me. (Just to clarify, we're both Korean) He was just so polite and soft spoken towards me that I completely over looked his behavior around other people.  He still talks to me sometimes but never a whole conversation, like dm-ing me to ask about homework or during class. (We've switched seats since the first time we talked and he sits behind me in history now... teacher's choice). He's still very polite to me, but also well mannered to some other people. (Aka the time I heard him ask someone if he could borrow a pencil and the notes we were working on.) Also I don't know if I'm imagining it, but we also keep making eye contact randomly and I feel like there's weird tension whenever we see each other. 

I want some closure on how he feels/felt about me, and then to get over him. If I knew he was just playing with me I would be over him by now, but there's the whole possibility he may have actually liked me... and my friends  think he may be interested given he's the only guy who ever talks to me out of his free will... but he's the ONLY guy after all... Though I have plenty of friends, I'm not sure if I've attracted much romantic attraction throughout my life. I would ask our mutual friend for what she thinks, but she's been kind of ambiguous answering my questions... the only thing she's telling me is that I need to get over him. (But she also found and sent me his Spotify... ugh this is all so confusing.) I don't want to continue liking someone that's only going to give me headaches from overthinking, so is there any advice on getting over smooth-talking players? (And maybe guess how they really feel about you??)

This looks pretty long compared to other songs I've seen before, sorry! I tried to cut out as many details as possible without making the story confusing.  I hope whoever's reading this has a great day :)

Hey @skrrt

I think it's interesting that he made weird comments about you being queer; I'm wondering, do you know exactly what he said? Also, I'm wondering, do you think there's a way for you to ever find out how he felt/feels? In terms of getting over this kind of person, I think that time is the best medicine really. There's no way to speed up this kind of journey, and letting things play out and going with the flow might be the best thing you can do to help yourself through this. What do you think? 

[skrrt]

15 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @skrrt

I think it's interesting that he made weird comments about you being queer; I'm wondering, do you know exactly what he said? Also, I'm wondering, do you think there's a way for you to ever find out how he felt/feels? In terms of getting over this kind of person, I think that time is the best medicine really. There's no way to speed up this kind of journey, and letting things play out and going with the flow might be the best thing you can do to help yourself through this. What do you think? 

Hello!

About the weird comments: From what I heard it was mostly nicknames associated with rainbow/pride things, for example "Skittle" since skittles are rainbow colored. I'm also not sure I can find out how he feels as I'm not very close to him... we haven't known each other that long. Anyways I think you're right about waiting it out; I already know I don't want to be in a relationship with him, so hopefully time will get rid of any last feelings. Thank you for your advice :)

[skrrt]

18 hours ago, ThatWitchyLesbian said:

@skrrt This is my personal opinion, but this guy doesn't seem like a great guy. If he's making front of your sexuality and making weird comments about it, nope. Find someone who supports your sexuality. He's an a-hole to other people? No, it means if he falls out of love with you, the relationship could turn toxic. My advice to get over him is be polite to him, but this guy is toxic. Well, that's my opinion! Thanks!

Hi!

You're definitely right about the toxicity; After all I've heard about him, I'd rather not with a relationship. Hopefully time will get rid of any lingering doubts. (And thank You for your input!)

[Monsoon]

9 hours ago, skrrt said:

Hello!

About the weird comments: From what I heard it was mostly nicknames associated with rainbow/pride things, for example "Skittle" since skittles are rainbow colored. I'm also not sure I can find out how he feels as I'm not very close to him... we haven't known each other that long. Anyways I think you're right about waiting it out; I already know I don't want to be in a relationship with him, so hopefully time will get rid of any last feelings. Thank you for your advice :)

Hey there,

Yeah, exactly, you already know where you want it to go, so you have your answer there in a way. Time is always the best healer when it comes to things like this. How are you feeling about the situation now? 

[skrrt]

2 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, exactly, you already know where you want it to go, so you have your answer there in a way. Time is always the best healer when it comes to things like this. How are you feeling about the situation now? 

Greetings!

Well looking back I think this post was mostly to rant, so it felt good to let that out. I'm still a little frustrated on catching feelings and all that, but that's where the time factor comes in... I think I got to know about  my priorities for now (aka not pining over someone who's not worth it), compared to before where I was just confused and upset over this guy. So overall I guess I could say I just feel a lot more clear about all this!

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

I'm glad you're feeling a lot more clear about this; it can be so hard to see the way forward when we are experiencing those kinds of feelings quite intensely, so it's good to get back to a point where we are feeling calmer and know what to do. Is there anything else you'd like support with? :)