hellfireclub Posted November 12, 2021 Share Posted November 12, 2021 Hi all, Currently going through a series of personal upheavals in regards to identity. I know that I don't identify as cis, and currently fly under the non-binary flag, but more and more I'm drawn towards presenting as masculine. However, I grew up in a very isolated, secular community where, though people didn't explicitly say being gay/trans was wrong, you just didn't see it. You didn't even consider it because you *knew* would be bullied. As a result, even though I've always been accepting of others and been ready to boost them up and fight in their corner, I've internalised a lot of awful feelings and attitudes. As someone who is autistic and also struggles romantically as a result, I think I'm also piling that on top of all my current problems. I haven't ever had a relationship as someone who was AFAB, and I think I'm worried that if I come out as trans, I'll be making it even more difficult to find love/companionship - even though I know it's stupid! I'm aware there are plenty of people who have and will, but I think I've gotten so low that I can't see the wood for the trees. As someone gifted with the annoying present of self-awareness, I know a lot of my thoughts are unfounded and a little ridiculous. But I do know they're toxic and they're taking an impact on me getting better and feeling 'free', so to speak. If anyone has any healthy ways of working through these thoughts - working through internalised transphobia/homophobia etc, I would be ever so grateful. I'm tired of living in such an exhausting state of mind, when all I want to do is be happy with who I am and just live - comfortable in my own skin, and not laying dependency on being 'attractive' enough for other people. All the best, A MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted November 13, 2021 Share Posted November 13, 2021 Hey there, Thanks for coming to us for advice. I noticed that you described your self-awareness as an annoying present, but I think I see it differently. I really get the sense form your post that you want to do what's best for other people and move forward with your life, and I think your self-awareness is really so positive and helps you to have empathy towards others. What do you think? I'm wondering, if a friend came to you with the same problem, what kind of advice would you give them? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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