My grandfather called me fat.

[CactusWeaver]

Hi all, I just discovered this site today so I’m very sorry if I’m not doing this right. I’m just really upset right now and need to tell someone about it. I’m 24 years old and have struggled with my with my self image since elementary school. I was so self-conscious about my weight and, while I don’t think I ever had a full blown eating-disorder, there were definitely days where I wouldn’t eat anything or would eat very little because I didn’t want to look “fat”. Looking back, I realize I was not overweight AT ALL but it was something that was just ingrained in my mind somehow. Fast forward to today and I actually am overweight. I’m the biggest I’ve ever been, 5’3, 180lbs. I think a “healthy” weight for my height is around 125lbs. I’ve gained 50 of those pounds in the past 2 years, which is around when I graduated college and started my first post-graduation job. This job has really affected me mentally, but that’s a whole other issue. Anyway, in the past month or so, I’ve really gotten more serious about trying to lose weight. Every morning I get up and walk, then I try to walk again during lunch, then again after I get home. I know it’s not a lot but I’ve been so proud of myself for trying to make a change and I think it’s really started to help me mentally... But what happened today just makes me want to give up and hide forever.

I still live with my parents (Student loan debt, amirite?), who live next door to my grandpa (my dad’s side). We take care of my grandpa and take turns taking meals over to him. Tonight, I took his dinner over and sat with him at the table like we always do and out of nowhere he said, “you’re getting as big as your mother”. I just awkwardly laughed and said, “it happens” or something like that. I held it together until he was done, but when I got back I just bawled and am still so upset. It hurts so much because I know I’ve gained weight and I feel so terrible when I look in the mirror, but to have someone say that to me feels like I just got punched in the guy. It’s also terrible because my mom does so much for him and for him to say that is just so rude. My mom has been self-conscious about her weight her entire life and if she knew he said that, it would destroy her.  I love my grandpa and this is the first time he’s ever made me feel bad, but I just never want to go over there again. Sorry for such a long post, I just feel terrible and don’t feel like I can talk to any of my family about this. If you read through this whole thing, I truly appreciate it. 

[Daisie]

Hey CactusWeaver, welcome to the community. 

I am Daisy, nice to meet you, I’m a Community Warden here on the forums and I just wanted to let you know that I have passed this on to a Mentor to reply who will be able to offer you some support should you need it.

@Monsoon @Blondie

[Monsoon]

9 hours ago, CactusWeaver said:

Hi all, I just discovered this site today so I’m very sorry if I’m not doing this right. I’m just really upset right now and need to tell someone about it. I’m 24 years old and have struggled with my with my self image since elementary school. I was so self-conscious about my weight and, while I don’t think I ever had a full blown eating-disorder, there were definitely days where I wouldn’t eat anything or would eat very little because I didn’t want to look “fat”. Looking back, I realize I was not overweight AT ALL but it was something that was just ingrained in my mind somehow. Fast forward to today and I actually am overweight. I’m the biggest I’ve ever been, 5’3, 180lbs. I think a “healthy” weight for my height is around 125lbs. I’ve gained 50 of those pounds in the past 2 years, which is around when I graduated college and started my first post-graduation job. This job has really affected me mentally, but that’s a whole other issue. Anyway, in the past month or so, I’ve really gotten more serious about trying to lose weight. Every morning I get up and walk, then I try to walk again during lunch, then again after I get home. I know it’s not a lot but I’ve been so proud of myself for trying to make a change and I think it’s really started to help me mentally... But what happened today just makes me want to give up and hide forever.

I still live with my parents (Student loan debt, amirite?), who live next door to my grandpa (my dad’s side). We take care of my grandpa and take turns taking meals over to him. Tonight, I took his dinner over and sat with him at the table like we always do and out of nowhere he said, “you’re getting as big as your mother”. I just awkwardly laughed and said, “it happens” or something like that. I held it together until he was done, but when I got back I just bawled and am still so upset. It hurts so much because I know I’ve gained weight and I feel so terrible when I look in the mirror, but to have someone say that to me feels like I just got punched in the guy. It’s also terrible because my mom does so much for him and for him to say that is just so rude. My mom has been self-conscious about her weight her entire life and if she knew he said that, it would destroy her.  I love my grandpa and this is the first time he’s ever made me feel bad, but I just never want to go over there again. Sorry for such a long post, I just feel terrible and don’t feel like I can talk to any of my family about this. If you read through this whole thing, I truly appreciate it. 

Hey,

Welcome to our community and thank you for sharing this with us. I really understand why you reacted like this; when someone struggles with their image, comments like this can cut so deep, and it can be hard to process them. How are you feeling now that a bit of time has passed since you made this comment? I'm wondering, could it be helpful to have a kind and calm conversation with him about how upsetting this is to hear?

[CactusWeaver]

19 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Welcome to our community and thank you for sharing this with us. I really understand why you reacted like this; when someone struggles with their image, comments like this can cut so deep, and it can be hard to process them. How are you feeling now that a bit of time has passed since you made this comment? I'm wondering, could it be helpful to have a kind and calm conversation with him about how upsetting this is to hear?

I can’t stop thinking about it so I haven’t slept much, but I’ve calmed down at least. I think a conversation with him is out of the question, unfortunately. He’s an old man whose health is not great and usually he doesn’t talk very much, so it would be one-sided. I also feel awful because I have a boyfriend whose wonderful but now I feel so ashamed since he has to be seen with someone like me. We have a wedding for one of his friends next week and I’m so worried about embarrassing him that I don’t want to go. Thanks for listening, I appreciate it. 

[Monsoon]

On 11/7/2021 at 11:18 AM, CactusWeaver said:

I can’t stop thinking about it so I haven’t slept much, but I’ve calmed down at least. I think a conversation with him is out of the question, unfortunately. He’s an old man whose health is not great and usually he doesn’t talk very much, so it would be one-sided. I also feel awful because I have a boyfriend whose wonderful but now I feel so ashamed since he has to be seen with someone like me. We have a wedding for one of his friends next week and I’m so worried about embarrassing him that I don’t want to go. Thanks for listening, I appreciate it. 

Hello,

I'm glad to hear that you've calmed down, but sorry to learn that you're still upset by it. I think that in terms of approaching him about it, it could just be you asking him to not say things like that, and I guess it could just be a yes or no response. What do you think? Also, can I ask, why do you feel you may embarrass your boyfriend?